Getting past approach anxiety and depression

Hello there,

I would like to start seducing woman. I just turned 32 and I am still a virgin. I can't stand it anymore, I don't want to turn 40 and still be girlfriendless. It's not the first time in my life I read about game and seduction, but I always give up fast. The reason is that I end up being quite depress. This week, I decided I would try harder and started reading Girls Chase again (I really love your site Chase, your newsletters is always very interesting, you are quite a charming person!). The issue I am having right now is approach anxiety.

There is a lot of girls I find possibly interesting. The other day, I went back to college in the evening to start an homework. As I passed through the hall, I looked at this very cute girl, and she glanced back at me. I thought it was the perfect occasion, as she was sitting alone, it seemed like the easieast kind of approach. I wanted to go say hi, ask her name and told her I needed to talk to her because I thought she was really cute. I went to do my homework and I was stuck wondering if I should go back... I was stroke by anxiety... and when that happen to me I can be literally paralyzed for a little while, sometimes over 30 minutes. Last week, as we came back from our running session (I am a member of my college running club), there was another girl, as beautiful as this one, and I also couldn't bring myself to go talk to her.

The same thing just happened at the gym, I noticed this cute girl and she came to do her abs work as I was doing mine, I kept glancing at her, but I was paralyzed to do anything. In my math class, this afternoon, I could have sat next to a really cute girl, but I didn't, I took my regular safe spot. I ended up feeling quite lonely in this class, and came back home, feeling quite depress. I know some girls do like me, they look at me and sometimes they smile. I have worked a lot on my appearance... for a long time, I thought I was just ugly because I was told so when I was a teenager. I suffered from a high level of social anxiety when I was in college when I was younger, I couldn't look in front of me or at people and loneliness took me on a decade of drugs abuse.

Right now, I feel a lot more confident, but I seem to lack social skills, especially with girls. I think I would really benefit from some support, but I don't have much of a social circle. I have no one to go out with, my roommate is really friendly, but all he do is studying. I went out with a girl last winter, it didn't work out when I asked her if I could kiss her. I asked her out again lately, she accepted, but she quite busy with school and work so she said we could go out during summer break, but this summer I'm going back to my hometown to work in my field.

There is a girl I think may like me, I study in analytical chemistry and she is in biotechnologies, we have shared classes, I see her a lot at the gym. I'm a little worried about asking young girls out, I'm 32, but I look quite young myself, if I don't tell, people assume I am like 25. But those girls are often like 17-20. 17 is a little too young for me, but if they are of age (that is 18+), it seems okay to me, especially since we are at the same point in my life.

Anyway, about that girl, I remember seeing her smiling when I came into class when the session started, I felt like she was happy to see me. She is often sitting alone with two friend behind her. Tomorrow, I would like to go and sit next to her. I would like to ask her name and try to talk as best as I can. Then I would like to ask her out to grab some food the next day at the student café. Would it be okay to do that during a class pause, especially in front of other students?

I would really appreciate your support, I would really like to become a ladies man... that would be the coolest thing at this point in my life.

Hey Zagadka,
Here's to hoping you stick it out.

The site has a bunch of approach anxiety articles, which deal with what you wrote about,
wanting to talk to a girl... and then not doing it.

Aside from that, talking to girls around other people is normal, as long as you are kinda social with other people in class. In clubs(like your running club) and groups in my experience you can get away with just talking to one or two people regardless of gender better.

Asking out is usually done with a bit of privacy.
Read this, then go for it! https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-a ... ys-get-yes

Hey Zagadka! First off, I just wanted to say I've seen far more hopeless people find their way here to this site and still excel in seduction. As you've likely read here and will continue to read is that like most things, seduction is a skill that you'll need to work at. In my opinion, you're in the right place and have already made more progress than you might think (or maybe you do know how far you've come already and that's why you've found you have an increase in confidence), we can multiply that progress by like a hundred times more (In effectiveness and quality of women who you are successful with seducing, time varies from person to person but it'll generally take some time) if you read the stuff on the main site and here on forums as well as practice what you read (It's kinda like workng out in a sense, you read about exercise and watch others do it but unless you start actually working out, you're not going to get anywhere).

I've found myself dealing with social anxiety plenty from time to time as well but I have found it to become increasingly easy to overcome so long as you continue to work at it, so try to stick with us if you can. Feel free to ask any questions here on the boards, there are many like-minded individuals here who have been where you are now and have reached the goals you seek to reach. Now with the warm welcome out of the way with, here's an article to help ya out with the anxiety:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/over ... ch-anxiety

If by any chance you've already read this, then I've gotta say: It's the best and maybe even the only way to overcome any fear (which anxiety is a form of in this case).
Just remember that women are generally cute, silly, and just wanna have fun (you know the song girls just wanna have fun, welp... goodluck not getting that stuck in your head) they really aren't ice queens (usually if they act that way, there's a good reason but it's kinda rare in the crowds of women that exist today).

I can be literally paralyzed for a little while, sometimes over 30 minutes.

Click to expand...

I haven't had this problem before but I do recall reading an article that would be of use to help with something like this, here:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/opti ... te-control

Right now, I feel a lot more confident, but I seem to lack social skills, especially with girls. I think I would really benefit from some support, but I don't have much of a social circle. I have no one to go out with, my roommate is really friendly, but all he do is studying. I went out with a girl last winter, it didn't work out when I asked her if I could kiss her. I asked her out again lately, she accepted, but she quite busy with school and work so she said we could go out during summer break, but this summer I'm going back to my hometown to work in my field.

Click to expand...

Well, you should be able to do all the in person stuff on your own when it comes to going out to meet people as I had to do the same (only I hadn't yet discovered the forums here) just take it one step at a time. When I started, I wasn't expecting too many results but I started approaching more in the crowded high school halls and went from just being able to approach girls to being able to go out with some of the cutest girls in my school. As for the girl, it seems like she is legitimately interested in you as she didn't just say she couldn't go out with you now (that would be bad) but she also set up a later time to go out that works best for her (which is a good thing) but if you're schedules just don't align then you may have to figure this out with her or come back to her at a later time when you're both free (if you both are still single). It's all good, these things happen.

I study in analytical chemistry and she is in biotechnologies, we have shared classes, I see her a lot at the gym. I'm a little worried about asking young girls out, I'm 32, but I look quite young myself, if I don't tell, people assume I am like 25. But those girls are often like 17-20. 17 is a little too young for me, but if they are of age (that is 18+), it seems okay to me, especially since we are at the same point in my life.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't really worry about age gaps so much (so long as she's legal and you both have a mutual interest in each other). Younger girls (and women in general) do have a tendency to find older guys more attractive so it makes sense that meeting women who are a little younger than you are is relatively easy.

Anyway, about that girl, I remember seeing her smiling when I came into class when the session started, I felt like she was happy to see me. She is often sitting alone with two friend behind her. Tomorrow, I would like to go and sit next to her. I would like to ask her name and try to talk as best as I can. Then I would like to ask her out to grab some food the next day at the student café. Would it be okay to do that during a class pause, especially in front of other students?

Click to expand...

If I where you I would study up first on seduction. Just a little, mainly the fundamentals and if you really wanna go the extra mile I'll leave ya another article on how to ask a girl out (here it is: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... ys-get-yes ). But you should find the fundamentals as the best place to start, you can find a list of them on the main page. Don't worry, it's just a total of ten articles so you might not get the chance to read all my recommendations this month if you're not subscribed to the page (no worries, I haven't either. Don't worry Chase, I'll pay ya your money for a subscription when I get outta school and into a real job).

Anyways, I realize this was a lot to read but I wanted to make sure you get everything ya need to get a good start and keep to this since ya really seem to wanna become a ladies man. Oh, and here's an article for depression (I went through some myself, there's others here who have as well if ya wanna talk but this might do ya some good as well): https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... depression

I would really appreciate your support, I would really like to become a ladies man... that would be the coolest thing at this point in my life

Click to expand...

Just keep asking questions and we'll almost always keep answering (though you might have to wait a day or two, we're all practicing this stuff too)

I'll admit I'm definitely not as good as some of the other guys on this site, but I've done pretty well for myself so far considering where I started a lifetime ago and have picked up way more than I could even begin to describe (actually, I think I just did XD)! So best of luck getting started with this (guys, if I missed anything feel free to add on) it's scary at first, but it gets to be a lot of fun when you get past that (trust me, you will)

Wanderer.o'7 said:

I've found myself dealing with social anxiety plenty from time to time as well but I have found it to become increasingly easy to overcome so long as you continue to work at it, so try to stick with us if you can. Feel free to ask any questions here on the boards, there are many like-minded individuals here who have been where you are now and have reached the goals you seek to reach. Now with the warm welcome out of the way with, here's an article to help ya out with the anxiety:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/over ... ch-anxiety

Click to expand...

Thank you for taking the time to answer back! I really appreciate. It's a little late right now, but I just read that article and I think it's what I needed. Today, I was ready to go and sit next to that girl in my class, when I arrived, I walked in her direction, but noticed there was no chair next to her! I wondered for a second if I couldn't just pick a chair and be like: Can I just sit next to you? But I thought it lacked some sort of natural flow... I wanted to go out tonight at a nearby bar two minutes away from college, but I have so much homework to clear, school is starting to piss me off, it's like it's never-ending, if I don't study, I'm going to fail. Anyway, tomorrow night, I would like to go to a very popular nightclub here. I'm just afraid to find myself in a place filled with cool extraverted people and me being alone there like a looser. I'm also afraid to go on a dance floor. I suppose I should just go and make at least 3 approachs, just at least to speak and start confronting my approach anxiety... and I could go on the dance floor. I went to a big party at my college last semester, I just looked around, but everyone was dancing and it seemed fun as fuck, I wanted to join in as they were all joining in making a big train, but I didn't.

I am actually a little hesitant about sharing what follows, but I really prefer to be honest and open about myself and the things I do. I must admit that at the moment I'm doing something I should really be more careful about. I have struggled a lot with addiction, and I am quite a drugs nerd to be honest, I know way too much about psychoactives. For the last two years, I just been taking my suboxone, a substitution medication for opiates addiction, and been lowering my dose to eventually quit. But I had a few little relapses (which happened after I experienced failures with girls) during which I tried new novel drugs. I bought this drug called phenibut, which is probably the best drug I tried in a long time, its effects are subtles, people can't tell you are on something, it gives you energy, motivation, it's an intense aphrodisiaque, it kills anxiety and make me a lot more sociable, smiling and funny. It didn't kill my approch anxiety to make bold moves, but I strike a lot more conversations with people, I just want to talk and be around people when I am on it. It seems to give me a positive vibe, I'm almost 100% sure girls can notice it for some reason. I believe it could be used therapeutically. I been using this stuff a little too much those last weeks, I am having trouble concentrating at school, all I could think about today were girls. I am thinking of using it for my first approachs, like tomorrow. Have you guys heard of phenibut, what are your thoughts about this stuff?

I will check your other links later and get back to some other things you said, I need to get to bed right now.

One thing to add,

Something that helped me get over my approach anxiety was the 3 second rule (count down by three and then five in)
You start out using it for other things that are less challenging, like starting a project, scheduling a appoitment, starting a workout, or jumping into a cold shower (the one I found most helpful)

From blasting my shower to as cold as it could go and feeling the coolness resonate from the shower, it was a bit like approaching a stranger, but there wouldn’t be any long-term social consequence with the shower, just short-term discomfort. Count down , three, two, one and by one you should have jumped into the cold shower, if you can make this a daily habit to start out your mornings, you will see drastic improvement in your bravery because you have wired yourself to act on that 3 2 1 rule. Cold showers have many other benefits as well. Life changing for me. After I was able to sustain daily cold showers for a few weeks I was able to do my first cold approach. Cold Showers = Cold Approaches hehe
https://www.medicaldaily.com/benefits-c ... lth-289524

Start_ed_young said:

Something that helped me get over my approach anxiety was the 3 second rule (count down by three and then five in)
You start out using it for other things that are less challenging, like starting a project, scheduling a appoitment, starting a workout, or jumping into a cold shower (the one I found most helpful)

Click to expand...

I didn't know about the benefits of cold showers... though I did took a few cold baths with ice cubes after intense running competitions. The hardest part is getting in the bath, once you are there, it almost feels good somehow. I suppose approach anxiety is similar, approaching itself is like jumping in a cold shower, but once you have engaged, it probably isn't that bad. I may actually give a shot to cold showers. I haven't started approaching to be honest because it's the end of the semester and I have to study like I never ever did in my life. But when the summer comes, my main objective will be to start approaching and deepening my knowledge and experience of dating.

Exactly!

Cold showers= Cold approaches my friend

Once you get done with exams give it a shot and you’ll be approaching women habitually.

Happy hunting,
Young

Zagadka said:

Hello there,

I would like to start seducing woman. I just turned 32 and I am still a virgin. I can't stand it anymore, I don't want to turn 40 and still be girlfriendless. It's not the first time in my life I read about game and seduction, but I always give up fast. The reason is that I end up being quite depress. This week, I decided I would try harder and started reading Girls Chase again (I really love your site Chase, your newsletters is always very interesting, you are quite a charming person!). The issue I am having right now is approach anxiety.

There is a lot of girls I find possibly interesting. The other day, I went back to college in the evening to start an homework. As I passed through the hall, I looked at this very cute girl, and she glanced back at me. I thought it was the perfect occasion, as she was sitting alone, it seemed like the easieast kind of approach. I wanted to go say hi, ask her name and told her I needed to talk to her because I thought she was really cute. I went to do my homework and I was stuck wondering if I should go back... I was stroke by anxiety... and when that happen to me I can be literally paralyzed for a little while, sometimes over 30 minutes. Last week, as we came back from our running session (I am a member of my college running club), there was another girl, as beautiful as this one, and I also couldn't bring myself to go talk to her.

The same thing just happened at the gym, I noticed this cute girl and she came to do her abs work as I was doing mine, I kept glancing at her, but I was paralyzed to do anything. In my math class, this afternoon, I could have sat next to a really cute girl, but I didn't, I took my regular safe spot. I ended up feeling quite lonely in this class, and came back home, feeling quite depress. I know some girls do like me, they look at me and sometimes they smile. I have worked a lot on my appearance... for a long time, I thought I was just ugly because I was told so when I was a teenager. I suffered from a high level of social anxiety when I was in college when I was younger, I couldn't look in front of me or at people and loneliness took me on a decade of drugs abuse.

Right now, I feel a lot more confident, but I seem to lack social skills, especially with girls. I think I would really benefit from some support, but I don't have much of a social circle. I have no one to go out with, my roommate is really friendly, but all he do is studying. I went out with a girl last winter, it didn't work out when I asked her if I could kiss her. I asked her out again lately, she accepted, but she quite busy with school and work so she said we could go out during summer break, but this summer I'm going back to my hometown to work in my field.

There is a girl I think may like me, I study in analytical chemistry and she is in biotechnologies, we have shared classes, I see her a lot at the gym. I'm a little worried about asking young girls out, I'm 32, but I look quite young myself, if I don't tell, people assume I am like 25. But those girls are often like 17-20. 17 is a little too young for me, but if they are of age (that is 18+), it seems okay to me, especially since we are at the same point in my life.

Anyway, about that girl, I remember seeing her smiling when I came into class when the session started, I felt like she was happy to see me. She is often sitting alone with two friend behind her. Tomorrow, I would like to go and sit next to her. I would like to ask her name and try to talk as best as I can. Then I would like to ask her out to grab some food the next day at the student café. Would it be okay to do that during a class pause, especially in front of other students?

I would really appreciate your support, I would really like to become a ladies man... that would be the coolest thing at this point in my life.

Click to expand...

not surprised, i'm sure it's more common than we think. It's only part of nature for cases like this to happen to men more than women for obvious reasons. One thing I still never buy, and it pisses me off when people lament about it, is too many people say us guys get to choose, that we do the choosing while girls get chosen.