Approach anxiety. Training camp the solution?

Hey everyone,

It seems like I’m not being able to deal with the approach anxiety that I have. I get completely frozen at the moment of truth and don’t get to say anything.
I approached 2 different women in the past, one two years ago and another one year ago.

The first one got totally creeped out when I said my first phrase. My voice was too monotone and really shaky because of the fear. I didn’t even get to complement her, the look of fear at her face completely shattered what little willpower I had at disposal. I intended to continue to approach, telling myself that the first one would be the worst and that it would get better but unfortunately I didn’t. I didn’t want to keep creeping out women like that. I know that emotions transmit from one to another and that was probably what happened.

The second one I was on my way to the beach and I told her to stop and said that I thought she was incredibly cute. She just laughed, said “ok” and walked away. Better than the first, at least she didn’t act like I was about to harm her, but not great either. I should have continued to approach but there weren’t any girls alone on that area, mostly couples and kids, aside from that one that I encountered on the way there.

About 7 months ago I tried to do the Newbie Assignment (viewtopic.php?t=12898&p=65746) only to disappointingly not being able to get past saying hello to 6 attractive women. Only said hi to 2 in one day. Both ignored me, probably didn’t even hear me say it or pretended to.

For the past few weeks I have been trying to get down asking for directions at the street. I began startling girls at the beginning but I have resolved that now. I also incorporated pre-opening by beginning to talk before I look at their eyes and the women I asked directions to seemed to smile more and some seemed that were even excited that I was talking to them. I reached the end of the rope as far as asking for directions go.

Today I said to myself that I would begin to use the “Easy Opening with Indirect Direct” (https://www.girlschase.com/content/easy- ... ect-direct) and transition that to a conversation. All day before going out I was on tremendous stress even getting diarrhea before going out. All that pain to not being able to make myself to do it, only thinking that I was going to creep the shit out the girl that I talked to. Which is why I am writing this in here, I don’t have many options left.

Is there any training camp that I can get? Something that MAKES me approach? It’s the only thing that I can think of.

Wasup Los sango,

I know where your coming from bro. I've known about Gc for almost a year but didn't start actively go out and try to aproach till a couple weeks ago. Before when I tried to go out I would just mindlessly walk around looking for girls I could approach but I would hesitate and ultimately bitch out from talking to them. I had this AA for a while but I was motivated to try and make progress. I didn't want to keep being lonely and needy so I amped up my tactics.
Whats been working for me is using positive affirmation like what chase mentions in his setting goals article https://www.girlschase.com/content/goal-setting. I had some underlying insecurites from my past that made me fear rejection from girls or getting laughed at by people in the area as i approached. However since i found this method i have seen some good changes happening to my mindset. What i did was type some short sentences describing the man I want to be in the future (ex: I'mean a man who can approach women with ease), put it on a poster board and then read them out loud to myself for a few minutes several times a day. I know it's hard to keep this mindset when you go out because your so worried about how your approaching or if you'll get rejected.
When this happens I try to:
-Use brief meditation & deep breathing techniques ( keeps me calm)
-Combat my negative thoughts with positive thoughts(builds up your confidence)
-Approach early when you first get to the venue. When I didn't I would get in my head & it's 10x harder since your building pressure to approach or you'll think your a failure
-stay in the moment ( otherwise you'll worry about your end result like trying to get her # and you'll start getting more anxious and this kills the conversation)
Even when i do this, some days I can't approach and I can get into my old mindsets where I blame myself for being to scared to approach. DON'T DO THIS, it stops any approach momentum you've built up.
If I was you I would go at a slower pace till I can consistently hit a goal (ex: approach a girl, give 3 compliments, approach a group) and just focus on what you did right.
Focus on your progress and it will become easier over time along with rewiring your inner mindset to build you up instead of tear you down.
I hope this helps bro!

Hey Lossanzo,

I'd recommend a training camp, sure.

There's a ton of benefits from a good training camp - you can improve yourself 3 times as fast like that. A good training camp will have the experience to get you off your butt.

By the way, what you're experiencing is normal. It takes guts to talk to girls, man.

Nick

Thanks for the replies guys, really appreciate it.

Also, don't forget about your fundamentals, and sometimes listening to positive mindset music helps (headphones).

Lossanzo said:

Thanks for the replies guys, really appreciate it.

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You're welcome

You're biting off more than you can chew. This is a very common problem. Most beginners think they have to go in, direct open, have the most interesting conversation of their lives, make her swoon and grab her number. Otherwise they have failed. Nothing can be further from the truth. In fact, even just trying to direct open when you've never done this before is probably going to be a bit overwhelming.

First of all, understand that you have a limited reserve of willpower. Different people have different amounts. But once you burn through it all, you'll feel "burnt out" and you won't be able to continue. Taking on tasks which involve fighting through large amounts of anxiety require a tremendous amount of willpower. As such, you're likely to burn out very fast. This is the reason why you usually only chat with one or two girls before you quit.

Also, the fact that you think you have to do so much all at once increases anxiety exponentially. Just do a thought experiment. If I told you you had to go say "hi" to a girl, then you're free to leave the conversation, how anxious would you feel? Now what if I told you you not only had to say "hi", but you also have to have a full on conversation. Even just thinking about it, you probably feel a lot more anxiety about the second scenario than the first right?

So what's the solution? Treat it like a phobia. So push past your comfort zone. but only slightly. You don't even have to direct open her. In fact, you barely even have to talk to her.

Here's the formula:
1. Figure out what is well inside your comfort zone. Is it thinking about hot girls? Is it being in the same room as a hot girl? Is it standing really close to a hot girl? Is it making eye contact with a hot girl? Is it saying "hi" to a hot girl? For most new guys, it falls somewhere along that spectrum.

2. Push slightly past that comfort zone. So if you're comfortable making eye contact with a girl, but that's about as far as you can go without feeling anxiety, then the next step might be to just start walking towards her like you're going to talk to her. Or coming up to her and saying "hi" then exiting the conversation. Whatever it is, do it over and over again until you're completely comfortable with it. This should be slightly uncomfortable, but not too bad. Remember, the key here is to do it not just once, not twice, but many times. Like 20+. And each individual approach shouldn't be all that unpleasant. If it is, you're still pushing too far past your comfort zone.

3. Rinse and repeat. So you've said "hi" to like, 20 girls. Now you feel perfectly comfortable with that and there is no leftover anxiety. Pat yourself on the back. This is progress! Now rinse and repeat the process. So now, maybe instead of just saying "hi" you'll say "hi, how's your day going?". Then exit the conversation.

Keep doing this over and over again until you're having relatively anxiety-free conversations with women.

Also,

only thinking that I was going to creep the shit out the girl that I talked to.

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Give yourself permission to creep girls out. Because first of all, everyone does it. What's sexy and attractive to one women is creepy to another. Even advanced guys will occasionally creep women out. Its just part of the game. And its nbd because to be honest, by the end of the day, she won't even remember it.

Moreover, as a newer guy, you're going to creep women out. Its just the way it is. When your anxiety is still high, women will sense it and begin to feel uncomfortable. Unfortuntely, the only way to overcome said anxiety is to approach regardless.

And if you think that's selfish, think of it this way...as a result of having creeped out all those women, you'll eventually meet one who likes you. The amount of value you'll bring her if you become her lover or boyfriend will far surpass the amount of value you're taking by creeping all those other women out for like, 5 seconds.