Where did I screw up?

Sasan

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Nov 12, 2018
Messages
7
Hey dudes

I went on a date yesterday with some smoking hot chick. We met up at a bus stop and then went to walk around a high street for window shopping. I tried to set up a date for drinks more than once but she didn’t seem to be too interested in that, she would pull out last minute each time so I tried something different and it worked. Just to put some context into it: When she would flake, I would stop contacting her until she called/messaged me and she did each time. I would do the same as usual, small talk and then try to arrange a meet. This chick apparently hasn’t dated for a year or so, of course that’s what she claims but you can never know. Either way it’s better to give them the benefit of the doubt.

We met up, bit of small talk and just general chat. I was nervous AF. I proceeded to ask about her to see my options of what I can do with her i.e. who she lives with etc. She was one of those girls who would talk a lot so I let her talk which is always a good sign. We got along well, there were a few weird things here and there but generally it was nice. We sat and ate at a restaurant after walking around a lot. We walked around and talked some more. At this point I asked her if she would go on a second date because we were soon gonna head home. She said she was happy with it then we continued talking about random stuff.

OK this is where things kind of fucked up. I stopped her at a quiet place, and I don’t know if she was nervous or just not feeling it but she was saying some really random stuff. There wasn’t much eye contact so I waited then turned to her. She jumped away. That’s a bad thing. What I take from it, is that she did not want to kiss at all. So she as like “what are you doing! You scared me”. Then I kind of brushed it off, said some silly stuff and she walked ahead a bit. This was also a bad sign, walking away from me when I initiated such a thing. Then I said “well if we gonna head home, we should kiss goodbye at least”. Then she laughed saying “you actually said that? Why would you say???? LOL”. At this point I was thinking that I should have just tried to do it, so I did about 30 sec later and she just pushed me away and laughed and just said “I can’t, I can’t lol” and started laughing a lot.

Man…. This was the worst. I don’t think I was weird, maybe I went too fast but I really do not see anything majorly wrong with what I did. I felt so bad from the reaction. We started to head home and then she was still somewhat laughing. I thought she was laughing at how pathetic I was but on reflection I do not think it was because of that. So I said “sorry it wasn’t what you expected tonight”. Then she says “whatttt?? What are you talking about? That has nothing to do with it…… are you disappointed?”. Then I said “nah I just don’t feel great from that”. Then she says “I’m sorry”. Then there was about, 5minutes silence as we walked home? That’s a long time. She said a few things but she wasn’t talking a lot like before. I could tell she was uncomfortable at this point because even when I tried to talk, there wasn’t much response, just an answer. Last thing she said was “message me tomorrow” then hugged and left.
Can you guys look at this from an outside perspective and tell everywhere that I went wrong?
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
There's a lot you did wrong lol. First and foremost before going down that route, has she texted you today? Also, you've first got to see if you can get her out on a second date. If you actually get her out on a second date, then amazingly you couldn't have screwed up that bad because she still wants to see you again!

Now as far as your mistakes, based on what you wrote the #1 thing that stands out to me is that it reads like you went for or wanted a kiss because you have an idea in your head that that's just how dates are supposed to go. Does that make sense? Like you were thinking in your head "people kiss at the end of a date, right? then I need to follow that rule and try it." Don't do that. Your goal throughout the whole date should be to bring her home, not give her a peck at the end of the night.

You'll probably benefit from actually trying NOT to kiss her during the date. Now, if she lounges at you for a kiss, that's fine haha. But otherwise, give yourself a rule that you won't kiss her until she's back at your place or even naked in your bed. Your dates will probably go better. Rather than worrying about 'is this the right time to kiss her?!?' you can focus on things like investment, compliance, and moving her around until you're both back at your place.
 

Optymistyk

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 31, 2018
Messages
12
Simple. She wasn't comfortable with the kiss. She wasn't comfortable with the sexual tension. Instead of building up the tension you just had a nice friendly chat and then suddenly you went for a kiss.
 

Sasan

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Nov 12, 2018
Messages
7
Ok well I called her and reattracted her, asked for a second date and she agreed BUT she said to just take it as it goes and contact each other spontaneously. I never thought this would happen but I have lost interest... she has too many baggage issues that I just don't care about.

So to explain this in more depth. I realised that I made the mistake of appearing too needy:

1) trying to kiss with no sexual tension
2) visibly showing that I wasn't happy about the rejected kiss
3) then texting the next day and trying to talk it over

She went cold on me so I didn't text her for 2 weeks. I thought she would then text me which she didn't. So I texted her and asked to meet, she said just to call later so I did. Conversation went well, we connected, we laughed and we were cool again. I asked her for a second date and she agreed but she said that she would rather call me in 2 weeks and arrange it spontaneously. I doubted she would do that and I haven't called either. I just stopped caring, it's too slow and boring.

She has a lot of issues including these:

1) I think there's an ex bf lurking somewhere (she said so before)
2) She's got a chronic condition on her thigh because of an accident she had in the past so she can use it as a reason to flake

Our history wasn't great either, I met her in late January only to date by late March. She takes long to reply:

Met her and exchanged numbers, texted her 2 days later, she replied 5 days later, I tried to set up a spont meet and it went well but she went quiet, nothing happened, and she stopped replying to texts.

2 weeks later she texts me and says she's sorry that she has been distant, dealing with lots of shit etc, so I text a few times back and forth and she stops replying.

2 weeks later she texts me and says she's at my workplace (this is where we met) and she wanted to see me, I was away, so I called later and spoke, built rapport, reattracted and set up a date for 2 days after.

Come the day, I text to test for flake and she's good, we talk a little, then later she texts me and says she's not well, can't come blahblah.

3 days later she texted me and we spoke a bit, then she asked what I'm doing and wanted to meet, so I set up a date again and this time we actually met. Then the story above happened (First post).

Anyway, here's another issue that I have come across:

When you just meet a girl on a date, what is acceptable and what isn't?

They always go for a kiss on the cheeks to which I return the same. I know that touch is very important but I don't know how to do it right to escalate. And I don't mean rapey escalate. So things like holding hands? When you first meet, should you hold her hand? Or is this too strong? I'm really trying to find the balance here between appearing too needy and creating sexual tension. If the girl says she's shy etc, give her a hug? There is this ice that always there on dates that I want to break but I don't know how to do it because it's the difference between fucking and being the fag best friend.

So let's consider the story above:

I set up a date where we can walk by the river and watch the sun set. I thought it was quite a nice spot and there were tons of restaurants around. We meet just outside the subway, exchange a few kisses (cheeks), I try break the tension by small talking etc and we proceed to walk and talk for an hour or so before finding a restaurant to settle down and eat. We eat and talk then walk down the riverbank more before calling it a night.

IDC about this girl but it was a very successful date idea and I intend to use the same spot more in the future. Now in this situation, put yourself in my shoes and tell me how you would build sexual tension, how would you initiate touch given the circumstance from the beginning of the date until the end?
 
Top
>