Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking



Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Sat Apr 06, 2019 6:25 pm

Hey everyone , first post here . I’m new to this whole seduction game but have learnt a lot over the last couple of weeks.

A little bit of background on me, I’m 26 ,was always pretty shy but gained a lot of confidence Over the past few years . I just got out of a 4 year relationship last October when I started a new job.

Anyway now to the main story. When I first started the job I noticed that one of the receptionists was very attractive but I was still learning the ropes and so for the first few months didn’t really talk to her or pay much attention. Then after Christmas I we ended up doing some late shifts where it was just me her and one other person, we got to talking. People at work started taking notice I was spending a lot of my free moments at the reception desk, (I work with women and I’m the only man) they started asking me if I was interested in the receptionist (let’s call her Amy). I obviously was but I avoided answering these questions, unknown to me they were asking her as well , one of my colleagues who was the main person playing matchmaker came and told me that Amy found me really good looking but wasn’t sure if I liked her, at this point I seized the situation and got Amy’s number and told her I’d message her to set up a date

First date

We set up a date for the weekend on Saturday, we were texting a lot that week and talking at work when we got the chance. However during that week she managed to get quite ill , was coughing a lot, and looked overall pretty sick. So I said we could reschedule to next week. But she insisted she wanted to meet up. So Saturday comes she texts me she has a an awful headache , so I message back saying that does she want to reschedule , she sapologises and says that she really doesn’t want to let me down but she feels lousy . I said that it’s okay and we could meet up next week when she is feeling better. But again she insisted that she doesn’t want to wait a weeks so she’ll take the day and rest and meet up on Sunday .

So Sunday arrives I pick her up late afternoon and we go to a little hangout place near where she lives, we spend a few hours there playing some board games and chatting,then after that we head to a coffee place get some coffee and sit in my car for over an hour and continue talking and having a great time. Now this whole time I can tell she’s really quite ill, she’s doing her best to hide it but She’s coughing and sounds sick. So anyway the time comes to take her home. We get to her place and she says let me give you a hug and she goes inside. I was kind of disappointed not to get a chance to go in for the kiss, but considering she was sick I just chalked it up to that. Anyway I get home and message her saying “ I had a really good time” and that we should definitely do something again. She responded saying that she also had a great time and would definitely like to see me again.


Second date

So the following week she is off from work because she got even more sick, and I ended up getting sick too, we keep texting during this time period flirting etc. My colleagues at work are all being very nosey asking how everything is going so it kind of puts a pressure around the whole situation which i found annoying but I just ignored it. So once we are both recovered from our illness. I ask her out again, this time to the movies (Ik this isn’t the best date for seduction but she doesn’t really like going out to eat and has a low tolerance for alcohol so drinks and food places were kind of off the list.)Anyway we plan on going on the weekend but again she gets a major headache ( something she does tend to suffer with a lot at work) but is very quick to reschedule for the Wednesday after work.

So we got to the movies , we were whispering , laughing and touching ( nothing overtly sexual ) throughout the whole film. I take her home afterwards but again she goes in for the hug, ik I should have probably moved for the kiss at some point but I didn’t so I think ah well next time for sure I’ll make make my move. Again I text saying I had a great time and would love to see her again, and again she says the same.


I suppose I better add that throughout this we’d been texting a lot , being flirtatious and sometimes overtly sexual, she told me some really personal things about her ,I found out she had quite a lot of sexual experience as well, definitely much more than me. She also said that she feels really nervous and shy around me (in a good way) . She had also called me babe a few times when texting good night , the first time I didn’t reciprocate but I did the second time.

The start of the troubles

Anyway a few days after the movie date everything is going well the texting is still going on , she still seems into me, then
One day she doesn’t message me back , so I leave it a day or two then she messsages me saying sorry but she’s just had a stressful few days. I asked her what she was stressed about, she informs me that her ex that she broken up with just before Christmas has been giving her some drama . She says that she still wants to see me but that she just wanted to be honest and let me know that he’s still messaging her, she says she doesn’t want us to have any label just to have fun and be happy, I said having fun and being happy sounds good to me.

After that Her responses get slower and sometimes she doesn’t respond at all, when she didnt respond I’d give it a few days then rengage, we were still talking at work, and were still flirty but the contact outside of work had reduced a lot. A week or so goes by and I asked her out again, she said yes but where as before I gotten a solid day and time , now I got a vague “ I’m free next weekend”, so the weekend draws closer and I don’t hear back from her so I message her and ask if she’s still free and she says she is busy , I forget the excuse she used . Anyway the following week I decided to confront her. But in a non confrontational way. When I manage to get her alone at work I say that I know everyone at work was acting really childish about us seeing each other and I hope she hadn’t felt pressured into seeing me. She said “no way” that she would never agree to see someone she didn’t like , and it’s just that she’s been really stressed with everything going on with her ex.


The spark rekindled ?

Following that exchange she started responding to my texts again and being very warm and flirtatious , we would have quite deep conversations and it seemd like things are back on track. One day we were messaging and she texted me and said that “ I’m so different from every guy she’s been involved with” , she said they were all fuckboys. Anyway , So this renewed interest continues for a little bit and then I ask her out again and I get a seemingly enthusiastic yes but again I get a vague time period of availability , when it’s closer to the time I manage to get her to give me a day but when the day gets closer a prior engagement with a friend arises and she has to cancel the date.

So whilst this flakiness has been going on I have been reducing the amount I text her leaving days in between messages, but still engaging with her at work.

This week is asked her again when she was free and she said next week ( again vague) I asked her what day she said she wasn’t sure yet as she was going to be doing stuff with her sister .

There is probably more that I could mention but that’s the basic Crux of the situation. So what are your thoughts I know there’s lots I’ve done wrong since reading the website and posts here. But do you think it’s salvagable, I’d at least like to see if I can get an actual date next week before I move on but what do you all think . What’s my next move from here? All help is appreciated .
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Lover » Mon Apr 08, 2019 1:20 pm

Welcome on the boards, slimjim!

The following I'm about to tell you, is when I'm not considering the whole context and story between the two of you.

When she tells you stuff like

Slimjim wrote:“ I’m free next weekend”


And when stuff like this happens:

Slimjim wrote:and then I ask her out again and I get a seemingly enthusiastic yes but again I get a vague time period of availability


You should generally take these actions as clues that she's waiting for you to lead. Most women don't want to be the leaders in a dating context, they want the man to lead the courtship. She's looking for you to make things happen. A man that can lead the courtship to (great) sex, is a great mate and has high lover value. But he also just takes what he wants, which is attractive regardless of what happens between the two of you. Unfortunately, she won't play that role for you.

In your case, when you just take what you want, it will look something like this:
1) you ask her what her schedule looks like. You already did that, good.
2) she gives you a vague answer like "I'm free this weekend".
3) what you do now, is simply to pick a day yourself. You can do this in two ways:

- Instead of waiting for her to tell you what a random Saturday will look like, you tell her what your plans are on that Saturday. Something like "I'm going to get an ice cream/go for a walk at [area/park] at [day and time]. Come join me/I'd like to bring you along :)". (Usually, it's best if the activity is something low key and low pressure, hence my examples)

- Or if you're not certain what you should be doing on that Saturday, just tell her "Save your Saturday evening for me. I will tell you the plans later ;)" When you tell her what to do, and she complies, then she's investing IN YOU. But there's also an element of surprise and tension too.. She might be wondering "What plans is he talking about??" which hopefully gets her excited.. And of course you won't tell her straight away if she asks you. You simply reply "You'll see :)"

There's also more of your post that could be addressed, but let's start from here and see what happens..

Best of luck!
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Tue Apr 09, 2019 1:43 pm

What you are going through is exactly why I don't date women I work with. The fact your Coworkers are talking probably is putting the damper on her enthusiasm.

I regards to vague availability responses, I just state that I am doing something, and that she is welcome to join me. It is something I'll be doing solo or with her or with someone else if not her. If she is into me she will make an effort to accept or reschedule. Doesn't matter to me. I'm doing it any way. She's lucky to be able to be a part of it...
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:09 pm

Thanks guys.

So update:

She agreed to go out with me to play some pool at a sports bar this Friday after work. Like I said I haven’t made any move to kiss or anything more yet so I’m guessing this is now or never to . Any suggestions on how you’d proceed
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Thu Apr 11, 2019 5:57 pm

Lots of Kino. Greet her with a hug. Dance to the Jukebox, Play as a team against others. Hi five and hug to celebrate good shots.
Noisy? good speak low and make her lean against you to hear. Create an inside joke.
Find a place to walk to from there. Have her take your arm as you walk. if she is rubbing your arm with her other hand, good sign. When you are "Alone at last" and she is close, go for the kiss.just slide your arm around her waist and bring her in...
Go for the pull here. Know where you want to take her before you even go out.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Thu Apr 18, 2019 3:08 pm

So update

Date didn’t happen ,she cancelled on the day , she told me that she has a lot of drama going on at the moment with here ex, basically told me the he’s quite crazy and she’s worried that if he saw me picking her up and dropping her off hed think we’d been seeing each other while they were dating and she doesn’t want her drama causing me drama etc etc.

I said okay didn’t react negatively made as though it didn’t bother me . Anyway I kept things normal at work. Texted her on the Friday a little bit maybe 10 messages back and forth. Then again on sunday. Talked to her a little less at work but the talking we did do didn’t feel the same , i don’t know the vibe just seemed off i don’t know if it’s just in my head but that’s how it felt. Then Tuesday we are talking at work again and she’s actually being relatively talkative and friendly but still not the same I’m really happy to talk to you type talking she used to have. Then somehow the conversation turned to her talking about all these guys that currently text her despite her making it obvious she doesn’t like them. She said there were three guys texting her none of them sounded like me by her description but obviously that’s what’s running through my head. Do you think she was hinting here that she has made it clear to me that she’s not interested or was she just talking , it also seems odd that she’d mention how many guys are chasing after her to a guy she’s interested in unless she was trying to make me jealous but why would she when she already knows I’m interested ? So i said to myself I wouldn’t message her for a while, but ended up messaging something on Wednesday , which was greeted positively but still not as great as in the past. Tried getting flirty, she responded but not in the same flirty way she would have before.

So today we were talking about what we were doing over the long weekend, she mentioned she was going to see her dog( for a bit of context, this is the dog her ex bought her who stays with her ex currently, she mentioned previously how much she missed the dog but because of the break up she couldn’t see it) but she saw it last month and now she’s seeing it again over the weekend. So I made a little joke about custody battles, and she chuckled but said it’s okay cos her and her ex are on good terms now. This I found odd ... last week she didn’t want to see me cos her ex was causing her drama, but now they are on good terms I guess things can change in a week. But it seems odd, Do you think they are back together? she still calls him her ex but ,the change in momentum seemed to happen when he came back on the scene.

So overall I feel like I dropped the ball here, I should have moved faster , escalated physically all things I can see now. But because there was quite a strong attraction on her part initially , do you think it’s salvageable? What should I do from here? No contact? I’m away from work for 4 days so it’s possible to make myself scarce. I know a lot would say move on , which is a good point , but if you think it’s salvageable I like a challenge so I’ll give it a shot.
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby happydagger » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:06 pm

A couple of quick thoughts:

Number one is you are too available. At this point you are almost an orbiter in her world, gratifying her ego in fine chaudie tradition (right up there with the other three losers that are texting her). Give her the gift of missing you. Become less available. Flirt with some other girls in the office. I believe you're slipping into boyfriend zone then friend zone partly because of the Ron Howard frame you're setting.

Second, she gave you a huge clue… All she ever dates are fuckboys. And you're so different...therefore no sex for you. If you want her you need to become the badass fuck boy that turns her on rather than the unfucked boyfriend frame that you're currently living.

Third, wake up and smell the coffee! She's fucking her ex and you're the only one who can't see it. Kinda like the scene from Midnight in Paris. At best you're her backup. Again, make yourself scarce. Let her miss you for a bit. Spike her then go cold. Let her see you flirting with others. Come back from lunch one day with your tie loose and some lipstick on your neck.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Fri Apr 19, 2019 4:12 pm

Yeah you’re definitely right, going to shift my focus from her, maybe she’ll come around again since there was attraction there initially. If not I guess just chalk it up to experience and on to the next one.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Mon Apr 22, 2019 3:59 pm

So I was wondering , is there ever a place for directly addressing a girl going hot and cold without seeming needy or weak. Or is is it always the case that just behaving as if you haven’t noticed it is the only way to deal with it.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby happydagger » Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:27 pm

Nope. No way to directly address it without seeming needy or weak or like an orbiter. However you can do it indirectly as I suggested above by spiking and then going cold, or also called push-pull (or pull-push in this instance). For example walk up to her, pick up her left hand in your right hand as she's facing you, look down at her fingers for a second and then just fling her hand down and say "naw" and walk away.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Wed Apr 24, 2019 12:31 pm

OK so you need to back the fuck OFF........

if she has your number, simply tell her " you know where to find me when you are ready." And do NOT re engage her....

Read up on a "soft next" and be ready for that late night text saying something like she "can't be alone" . Then bang her hard at your place and kick her out before morning.

Other than that Leave her the fuck alone. If you don't you will become her emotional tampon and platonic cat toy...

Women with Ex-Drama usually are the ones creating it. Right now your only option is to be the rebound fuckbuddy, or the shoulder to cry on. There is no long term option here.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Mon Apr 29, 2019 4:04 am

Update

So I followed your guys advice and went to see other women, I matched with a girl on tinder went out for some drinks on Friday. I played the whole date quite differently was more physical , kissed her soon was flirtatious had lots of fun, was also being swarmed by loads of other girls in the place so I guess that helped too. She invited me back to her place but was adamant nothing was going to happen. But it happened , all the way to early hours of the Morning . Her roommates made comments about our stamina to her after I left.


But damn guys I think she’s obsessed with me now, she’s saying she can’t stop thinking about me ,is texting non stop. I like her but damn. I didn’t plan to make her fall in love....this is crazy how do I go from bombing out and getting ghosted basically to being the centre of someone’s world... now what if work girl suddenly gets interested again ... I’m going to end up offending / hurting somebodies feelings that wasn’t the plan...

Send help guys .
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Mon Apr 29, 2019 1:22 pm

The girl at work lost her chance. If she tries to re engage now is your best chance to friend zone her...If you are feeling pathological....make her your work wife and let her do you favors while you keep her at a distance. Don't ever totally reject her but let he do what so many FZ'ed guys do and orbit.

When you learn that you can be selective in who you spend time and energy on, it is a great power.

If you want to maintain this hookup then https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/05/09/ ... ationship/

https://blackdragonblog.com/2011/07/17/ ... -her-back/
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby ray_zorse » Thu May 02, 2019 10:03 am

Great advice from Lucky and Happydagger, but what really made me smile is the priceless no fucking nonsense approach from Fuck This. Cutting to the core of the matter as usual :) Anyway will be keen to hear about the balancing act with new girl, the drama-free addition to your rotation and expectation setting and the keeping of appropriate distance. Retention has been a hit-and-miss affair for me (actually a complex topic) so I will be keen to read the linked articles when I have time.
cheers, Ray
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:53 am

Hey guys so update time

So basically to recap what’s happened in the intervening months.

After things sort of hit a brick wall with the girl at work, like I said I met another girl and we hit it off. But I wasn’t feeling it that much and she was more into it than me so I kind of called a halt to it. Meanwhile at work I stayed warm with the work girl but stopped asking her out. We had a great rapport and I enjoyed her company . Anyway a few months passed and I noticed she would ask me what I was doing on the weekend almost as if she wanted me to ask her out again, but I didn’t bite. Long story short this kept on happening. Then I found out ex boyfriend was out the picture and she was in A lot better place . I took the plunge and asked her out again, she said yes after a couple of logistical hiccups we went out.

Great rapport as usual , I make her laugh a lot and she does most of the conversation, I learnt a lot about her she was very open talking sexually etc, but despite this her body language was Always a little closed and guarded . She’d touch me a lot at work but on the date less so.

But I’m sure she’s into me, at work we were talking a group of us about crazy exes and I mentioned that I’d had a few obsessed with me and she said I can see why a woman would be obsessed with you, ( this was before I asked her out again). Then she asked me if I was single a little later in the conversation , I said yes. Other things that make me think that she likes me is that there is a lady at work who is like her work mum she tells this lady everything. And this lady told me that work girl was going on and on about me , saying how I make her laugh, that she enjoys my company , how I don’t make her feel dumb like other people have etc. This work mom type figure is the only one she told this to , since the first time when the whole work place knew we were going out, the circus has died down and now no one else knows that things have heated up again which is something she mentioned to me that she liked the fact that no one else knows her business this time .

Work girl also told me that she misses me when I’m not at work that me being brightens up her day etc.. so from all the sounds of it she sounds smitten by me yet... look at what happens below

yesterday day I managed to get her alone in a great place logistically , we were touching sitting on the couch together close I put my arm behind her she seemed okay with that . Then I told myself now or never , so I went in for the kiss, but she said no I’m not going to kiss you, she had a smile on her face but she still rejected it, I laughed a little and said why not . She said because what if it doesn’t work out, it will be awkward at work. She said I really want to kiss you but we work together and I feel like if I kiss you and it doesn’t work out things will be awkward at work and everyone tells me you shouldn’t see someone at work etc.. Then she added that she’s also been talking to someone else ( which I already knew ) and she doesn’t want to be kissing both of us then have things go badly . During this conversation she was resting her head against mine leaning agains me quite intimate , holding my arm. I felt like I could have possibly persuaded her if I had said the right thing but nothing came to mind , so we just ended up watching some Netflix and talking with her holding my hand squeezing my arm. I think it was the most physical we had been . But it was almost like boyfriend girlfriend intamacy yet she didn’t kiss me... but the attempt to kiss seemed to open her up to more intimacy. Anyway I ended up taking her home. I joked that she must have got whiplash from curving my kiss so hard she laughed but also seemed annoyed that I suggested she curved me. She said don’t think I curved you it wasn’t a curve it was jus me... being me ( whatever that means.


So I’m thoroughly confused guys need some help. Am I friend zoned , am I too much boyfriend material ,doesshe like this other guy too much . Is it because I’m too much in her social circle at work? But then why cuddle with me? Where do I go from here? It seems like she wants to kiss me but is holding back because of fear of social consequence . In put is appreciated guys.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:32 pm

Lesson #3453234 on WHY WE DON'T DATE WOMEN WE WORK WITH!!!!!
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Overdoze » Mon Aug 12, 2019 6:41 pm

simple answer is
shes into you
but theres a barrier
she explitly tells you what it is
all you need to do is
pace her
and reframe providing a perspective that supports you being together
the more it seems right to her in the moment the better

eg
"i understand - i hear this too from various people", on the other hand it also seems that most people actually hook up to trough work (cause you can get to know people properly or whatever). And for me its just too timid to hold back in these areas because of what? a potential future risk? one that is quite manageable should it happen. life is too short/carpe diem."

and pretty girls always seeing someone (relating to the other guy). but you know hes just an option..

just of the top of my mind but jsut to be concrete

before hand you could engage this side of her more too through various means.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:39 am

Hey thanks for the advice . I’ve kind of got myself into a funk since it happened. Been overthinking ,was in quite a nice groove feeling confident felt like I was making good progress. So the last minute kiss rejection had kind of thrown me. Feel like I should have persisted on the day now analysing little things were I think I could have pulled it around.

I Want another shot but I’m hesitant to ask her out again as it was only last weekend. Is asking her out this weekend too soon? I don’t want to seem too eager especially given there’s another guy on the seen. Is asking her out again This weekend a good move?

What sort of date should it be, drinks ? Coffee, just Hang out with me ( kind of what we did last time? ) ? Was thinking of bein ballsy and seeing if she wanted to spend the night or is that too far?
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby JacobPalmer » Wed Aug 14, 2019 12:10 pm

The kiss - this is just LMR, you needed to overcome it in a calibrated way, which you did not. You bought into her frame. I'd read up on LMR at this point.

Going forward......honestly I'd pull back hard again, see other girls, and always subtly hint that you're busy seeing other women.

You need to be really careful with girls you work with. You really have to tell her that you'll keep it professional and that nothing will change. And based on what I've read about you two so far I don't think that's manageable at this point. Don't eat where you shit.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:21 am

Fair points. But I think I’ve still managed to keep it professional at work even after the first setback.

Anyway I asked her out again for this weekend and she’s agreed . Assuming that there’s no last minute flake. Any tips and points? Feel like her agreeing after the first rejection is a good sign surely it means she’s open to me trying again ? Or am I being a little optimistic there?
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby JacobPalmer » Thu Aug 15, 2019 5:00 pm

Slimjim wrote:Fair points. But I think I’ve still managed to keep it professional at work even after the first setback.

Anyway I asked her out again for this weekend and she’s agreed . Assuming that there’s no last minute flake. Any tips and points? Feel like her agreeing after the first rejection is a good sign surely it means she’s open to me trying again ? Or am I being a little optimistic there?


Tip - you need to fuck her, and fuck her well. You need to make the plans with a date, place, and time, and lead her. It is a good sign she's agreeing. Pick a date that is convenient for pulling home (dinner/drinks/dessert etc at your place?). If she declines pick a spot close to your place and then try pulling.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Thu Sep 05, 2019 6:49 pm

So update

She flakes on the date; is still warm to me but I can tell her interest is waning : couple more attempts to get her to meet. No success.

Asked her out for simple coffee , she says okay, I basically ask her what’s going on , whether this is going anywhere.

She says she likes me , but that she is talking and seeing other people , she also says she doesn’t know where her head is at and we work together , she says this is the main reason she’s hesitant for us to see each other : But she doesn’t want things to change between us I said to her I’m not really interested In just being her friend, she said she doesn’t see why anything has to change , so I tried explaining , she seemed genuinely sad at the prospect of losing the relationship and rapport we had currently. She said we get on so well etc.. said that If it wasn’t for us working together she thinks it would work. She says please don’t start ignoring her at work etc..

She then goes on talking again about not knowing where her heads at saying she shouldnt really even be dating anyone . I point out that even though she says that she is still dating other guys just not me. She also says the guy she’s been on dates with she’s not sure about cos he doesn’t seem that interested even though he says he’s not seeing anyone else blah blah she kind of gives me a spiel about her current relationship woes and I stop her and say see that right there is why we can’t be friends I say it in a humorous way but seriously at the same time, I say I’m not about to play the gay best friend role. She laughs and conceeds the point . She says I just won’t talk about guys around you . She seems to want to keep me around which is strange considering how her texts and things to me have seemed so disinterested recently .

Through out this interaction I used a humour to kind of couch the points I made I don’t know if being more serious is a better way to have done it but because of my pride I always use humour to try and make light out of a situation to hide that someone’s managed to injure me. Just for future reference what do you guys think about using humour as a shield is it a bad move? Like I’d say things ironically like “ it’s fine I’ll only cry for 5 hours” “ Or joke about ghosting her now she’s tried to friend zone me, or saying okay you have have to walk from here now get out my car. All of them got sincere laughs. I guess I kind do use them to break the tension of the conversation. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing seduction wise. Does it make me seem like and unfazed guy ? Like I mean it’s preferable to becoming sour right?

Anyway I think this was a good learning experience , moving fast is vital , seize opportunity’s when they present because you might not get a second chance . Don’t express your interest too clearly , don’t be too available.

But I do have a few questions , she definitely was in to me, and she insists that she is attracted to me and it mainly the working together that is the issue. Is this BS ? Was I slotted into the potential boyfriend camp or was it the friend camp? W

Despite her wanting things to stay the same with us talking and getting on at work etc.. I feel inclined to pull back my interaction with her. Do you think that will sour her towards me or will the scarcity peak her interest again, will she start to miss my presence or do you think she’ll just adjust and move on? This is more a curiosity for me , I pretty much realise I don’t have a chance anymore and I should move on. But a part of me wants to see if I can come back from the shit show I created. Anyways. Please critic me. Be harsh if you have to be, but constructive.
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Overdoze » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:13 am

Your ignoring her inner barriers, ignoring her.
That can appear brutal for girls and is a turn off for them where they step back (as she does).

maybe read our earlier comments and take them seriously.
same principle i outlined applies (pacing and leading, framing)
Many articles on framing on GC and something most elite guys use/swear too.

eg dans articles eg alecs. Maybe chase too.
i would link some up but im not tight on nor paying for GC articles.
Overdoze


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Sep 06, 2019 11:18 am

Your best move here is to pull back a bit but still be warm - ignore a text from here here and there, and somehow drop hints that you're seeing other people now. You may be too attainable at the moment, and she's playing games a bit (glad you called her out on that too, in a nice way), so pull back.

She's not wrong for being concerned that you work together as it's always risky to date a co worker.

As for your humour, I like it. Shows you care but aren't butthurt over anything.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:40 pm

Watch this : Why Men and Women can't be good friends.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWa1wVXf7eI
[/url]

Don't make another seductive move on her whatsoever.
Don't see her outside of work.
Make her think she lost you.
Then don't get friendzoned. Shit you already ARE friendzoned...

And don't date women you work with. PERIOD.
Fuck This


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:48 pm

JacobPalmer wrote:Your best move here is to pull back a bit but still be warm - ignore a text from here here and there, and somehow drop hints that you're seeing other people now. You may be too attainable at the moment, and she's playing games a bit (glad you called her out on that too, in a nice way), so pull back.

She's not wrong for being concerned that you work together as it's always risky to date a co worker.

As for your humour, I like it. Shows you care but aren't butthurt over anything.



So I have a tendency to go sit and talk to her when things are slow at work, is that something I should stop doing completes. Doing that would be quite obvious as it would be quite a change in habit , or should I just decrease it a bit so it’s less but not completely obvious I’m avoiding?
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:19 pm

Fuck This wrote:Watch this : Why Men and Women can't be good friends.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWa1wVXf7eI
[/url]

Don't make another seductive move on her whatsoever.
Don't see her outside of work.
Make her think she lost you.
Then don't get friendzoned. Shit you already ARE friendzoned...

And don't date women you work with. PERIOD.


So you would say go cold completely on her completely
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:51 pm

Nope, make it gradual. If you sit with her say, 5 days a week when it's slow, drop to 3 the next week, then 2 the next week after, then 1. Then maybe oscillate between 1-2 each week. If you change too drastically right away she'll notice and she'll know it's because of something between the two of you. You want her instead to wonder why you're not hanging around anymore.
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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:22 am

JacobPalmer wrote:Nope, make it gradual. If you sit with her say, 5 days a week when it's slow, drop to 3 the next week, then 2 the next week after, then 1. Then maybe oscillate between 1-2 each week. If you change too drastically right away she'll notice and she'll know it's because of something between the two of you. You want her instead to wonder why you're not hanging around anymore.



That’s kind of what I did naturally last time after our intial dates when she went cold then she seemed to warm up to me again. I guess my problem is once she warms up to me again I become too available and when I do get her on dates I don’t move fast enough.

Anyway I’m on vacation for a week, I won’t contact or text her and plus I won’t be seeing her at work since I’m not there,can use this as a chance to reset the interaction I suppose
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Slimjim » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:08 pm

So after my last update , immediately after , ( the very same day). She signed up to tinder, she had been on it s few weeks before but had come off it before we had the date when I tried to kiss her. But the day after I kind of call her out and she gives me the whole we work together spiel. So it’s strange to me that she suddenly goes on tinder the same night ( I found this out accidently myself? She’s also gone from liking my social media posts to not liking them at all, And she views my stories but not the whole thing right away she stagger out her viewing over The day ?


I know the social media thing seems small but she’s quite a Instagram user, if someone unfollows her she knows and unfollows them back so she’s not above being a little petty.

She also posted quite s hot pic to her story (trying to get attention?), So essentially I’m asking, is she playing games, was the rejoining tinder in a response to me kind of telling her to make a choice or just a coincidence . Just want some opinions on her actions ?

Btw Haven’t messaged her , have just been leaving it, honestly think Im done with this girl. But still interested in it from a learning behaviour aspect.
Slimjim


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby JacobPalmer » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:14 pm

Part of it is game playing, part of it is just putting to much pressure on her with the ultimatum, part of it is that she's a girl and the two of you work together. Two things to hopefully make you understand something her.

1. Girls are like cats - they come and go as they please. You can't force them to do anything.
2. Whoever gives the ultimatum is in the position of weakness, and usually doesn't ever get what they want.

Try to reverse the frame - don't chase her, but be warm to her, and try to get some preselection on your side (other girls/dates). Hell, you could even get tinder yourself and swipe/mesage girls in front of her. Right now you're coming from this "date me or I'm done with you" mentality. Snap those fingers and have a bit more fun with it.

Or next her - but do it in a warm way.
JacobPalmer


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Fuck This » Wed Sep 11, 2019 1:09 pm

Along with NOT Dating Co workers...you need to not be connected with them on social media. She sees you have been watching her stories. She hears you hovering. So what if she unfollows you? If she asks, then tell her you are separating your work and personal life. She Brought up the not Dating a coworker thing. She's the only one here with any perspective.
Fuck This


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Re: Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

Postby Hiya1 » Sat Sep 14, 2019 2:09 pm

I think shes not interested or her mind isnt made up. She using you to give her the boyfriend vibe. So she feel cushioned by her previous brake up. I would personally stop looking at her social media, dont give her any special attention and act like shes a normal coworker.

Get on your grind, focus on your life and if she really wants you she will initiate a date, she already knows that your willing.

When she seeks validation from you in the future dont give it to her, she may try to bait you asking "do you think I'm pretty"? You could say somthing like, I'm not sure.. or I dont see you that way anymore... doing this will spark her interest in you more. She wants the prize not what she has already won.

Start to ramp up your social media, post photos of you at outings, doing fun things, eating meals, just post the food not who you are with that will leave her to wonder etc. This will make her feel like shes missing out, even date a girl and speak to people in the office, tell them it's not serious and your keeping your options open. This will get back to her. This will force her to act, although you know the context, so it's your choice.

The point is, every girl I've met, who liked me made things happen, only teases, which she may be cause you problems like this. You have to work out is she a cock tease or just using you for the boy friend vibe.

If she is a cock tease, you should follow my advise and she will come running. If it's just for validation and boyfriend vibe, well thank god your mind is free of her and concentrate on doing you.

Try to become more of a focal point of conversations at work, for example start the gym and look amazing this will get people talking about you. Or do some amazing achievement like climb a mountain or bungee jump, get a qualification etc...

Leave reminders of yourself in the office, maybe put a photo up somewhere or item, like a plant, so when she comes in she thinks of you.

Also when she starts to show interest, dont break tension, allow her to sweat it out, the more she thinks of you the more time she invests the more she'll want to be inloved with you.
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