Long-Term  Can we be together again

Mlkeyp00

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Dec 7, 2015
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This will be long I know.

Was with my girlfriend for about 1 year and 9 months. At about a year in we decided to move in with each other which we have agreed it was too early to do so. About 3 months into living with each other I got my girlfriend pregnant. She decided to have an abortion, I was ok with that, I wanted to keep but I understand. We both weren't in any financial situation to afford to do so and all that. Around the same time of this happening her brother came to visit and stay with us. They are really close, she told him about the situation and he offered to pay. A few days into him staying and her telling me that she told her brother it was expected that him and I have a convo about it. It didn't happen fast enough for her and led to them kinda ganging up on me and wondering why I didn't have the talk with him soon enough. This was the first big strain on the relationship, abortion and all that fight we had. It wasn't a good week, I also decided to pick a fight with her about it again the next day right after the procedure because in our argument we were having it led me to bring it up. Big mistake I know.

Was hard for us the next couple months with her recovering and hormones all a mess. I was a mess as well, Ive never been in this type of situation before (Abortion/living with GF) and couldn't handle or deal with things well myself. I was kind of a shell of the person I was. We had another bad day few months later, she pushing my buttons and me getting overly annoyed/upset due to lack of sleep for months. I had asthma that would wake me up every night hard to breath for about 4 months and everything going on I was easily frustrated and angry. I snapped in our kitchen and grabbed her cheeks on her face and was pretty angry saying to like stop and enough! She got really scared of me I can be intimidating when Im angry/mad. This was so bad, I didn't think she would get so upset and scared over it but I didn't think about her emotions being all out of whack still. She told her brother and he was of course upset with me. Her brother and I had a really good relationship before her and i started dating as well. I didn't know what to do and I was telling her I was thinking of leaving our place together I felt terrible at what happened and all and I didn't know what to do. She took it as I wanted to break up but thats not what I was intending. We went on for a little while longer tho living together. We never quite mended that situation.

Maybe another month or two goes by she was upset cause one night she happened to go on my computer and when she opens the internet a porn site pops up. Yes I had watched some porn over the weekend while she was away, I was lonely and such and we had not been having sex much cause of fighting and she was bleeding a lot still almost every week from the abortion/birth control. She was super pissed and I let her know I wasn't doing it that night like she thought but she didn't wanna hear or believe me. Its kinda dumb of course but emotions and such were high so I get it. That sets up the straw that breaks the camels back I guess cause maybe two weeks later... she comes home Im already in bed tired ready to sleep and she's been acting hot and cold and tonight she was feeling hot. I had rolled over to sleep and she was like oh you/re not gunna cuddle with me and stuff are you seeing someone else??? Demands to go thru my phone and Instagram and stuff. I am not a cheater never have been never will be I feel too much and kinda had that happen to me long time ago so I would never do that nor am I the person who could. But anyway I coach crossfit, and in my DM's she's find that I sent heart eye emojis to my friend (female) from the gym who she has met and isn't an attractive girl at all mind you, but it was in response to an IG story months ago and those things disappear after 24hours. I was sending it cause she hit a really good lift and PR for her Snatch (barbell movement not vagina lol) But all you see is heart eyes and she flipped out that was all the fuel she needed you know.

She didn't wanna hear anything and we were both PISSED. I was really upset and hurt she didn't wanna listen or believe me when I was being truthful to her at all and Im like well fine Ill leave! She's like good go, looking back at it all she meant just for a night or two back to my old apartment which is literally 30 feet away from our apartment in a separate building but next to each other but I was like no Im outta here. That night I started moving all my clothes over to my old place. In front of her so I thought it was clear I was leaving and thats what she wanted. The next day she had to work all day and I had my friend help me get my stuff. The bed my desk and items and I took a few things from the fridge for food and the modem cause its property of the cable company and it was in my name. The bed frame was mine but we had bought the mattress together. She came home later and was pissed, sad, upset you name it. I left her with nothing, she had her couch and Tv and her clothes and stuff but the bed was gone and internet and some food this hurt her immensely. But I was hurt too I didn't know what to do or how to do this you know I reacted out of emotions and stuff.

Few days go by I regretted the decision and I love her so much I was like how can we fix this, lets go to therapy together. She agreed and we did two sessions with a guy who I was seeing myself for therapy over the years. We only got to do two session and she decided she was done and wanted to end the relationship. I'll admit I was a little relieved only because I was scared and didn't know what do anymore. I wanted to fix things but in the moment I thought maybe we couldn't. We were supposed to have a little vacation in Vegas that weekend but she ended it the night before we were going. I was gunna be there for work for a few days and she was gunna be there that Sunday and I had gotten a place to stay for a few days later so we can chill and relax you know maybe rekindle the relationship and stuff, much needed time away from our place and the situation but having fun together.

So I come back from Vegas we see each other I help her set up her internet modem and give her the keys to her place and say goodbye. Few days go by and she is texting me, can't remember why now but its for little things like hey can you walk with me to 711 whatever little stuff to see each other. Maybe a week or two goes by and we still communicate and see each other here and there, we live like I said like 30 feet from each other now. I ask her hey wanna get lunch and stuff and she declines and I was like I still wanna work this out and go to therapy together but she doesn't wanna and we kinda argue over it a bit. Don't talk for awhile but again she texts to see each other, we even had sex a few times in all this as well. One day her friend was staying over and I text like ok make sure they move their car for street cleaning and I get no response. But hours later she was like hey you got a ciggy and I responded oh you only text me when you need something and that pissed her off. She was like oh you only text or come over for sex. I was teasing her and she went there, and of course I wasn't only coming over for sex I wanted to fix us. We don't talk for a couple days but again she texts me cause she needs help her friends psycho ex boyfriend came by and all this stuff so I was there to help protect her make her feel safe. We stay in touch some more and have sex from time to time but thats it.

We get into another fight tho maybe a week or so later over the deposit being returned to me and stuff and it sucks. But again some time goes by (never more than a week) and she's reaching out to me. This is prolly now a month and half after breaking up maybe even two months. We hang out have and amazing time together and have sex as well, she's never really like oh yeah lets have sex but it leads to it with her being like we shouldn't do this or thats the last time always but it continues to happen. Things are moving along kinda ok I don't bring up being back together or things again I'm just going with the flow. I do find out tho she is on tinder and you know talking/sleeping with some guys here and there. I don't let it get to me cause we are still doing our thing. Prolly another month goes by now and its October and I bring up hey I love you lets try to fix things go to therapy and work this out and she doesn't wanna do it the breakup and how the beginning of the year was so bad and stuff and we kinda are like ok lets take some time apart. BUT AGAIN not too long goes by and hey my printer isn't working come over help me stuff starts happening again and of course I go help we hang, we have sex things are like ok again.

It's coming up to thanksgiving and things are going pretty well again we hang out more and have great times/sex, she sees family for thanksgiving we text and stuff I miss you and all that. Another week or so after thanksgiving in December now I come home it's raining her cats are outside it's late like 1am I'm getting back from work with food and Im like oh let me knock on her door to have her let the cats in maybe she sleeping I saw tv on but the lights off. Im knocking at the door no answer. I call her cell no answer so I go to look in the window to knock maybe she on the couch sleeping and I see her coming out of the bedroom with some other guy. My heart sank. We had a great week before and stuff but she is still seeing other people. I don't hear from her for a few days and she sees me leaving to work and texts me have a nice day at work and I wait to respond a little and I was like you are alive huh. Oh I was asleep the other night and I was like no you weren't I saw you with the other guy and all. I tell her I'm upset but you know we aren't together and I can't be that mad I should be doing the same thing too and she felt bad and blah blah. We hang out the next day have this incredible sex like we always do and thats it. I surprise her with lunch the next day and we hang then I see she starts to get cold again and texting this other guy again and is like well it's getting late I wanna clean up and stuff and I'm like you are gunna see that guy. Again I let her know how I feel about it and how can you do this and stuff she gets upset and all but homeboy still comes over later.

She hits me up the next day we hang out I sleep over. No sex or anything later the next day I'm like lets get dinner tonight and she was down. But later her girlfriend had interrupted our plans so no biggie lets go tomorrow. She was excited can't wait blah blah we go to dinner and its like a date it was great! We have a great night it did get emotional we were drunk watching stupid xmas movies and I got upset and she was like why you so sad and we cry and talk about the relationship and stuff and then we have sex and I spend the night. Basically we hung out all week that week after I told her I saw with someone else it was great. But then Sunday comes around and I'm like lets hang and she cant cause her friend had an extra ticket to a concert. Its this guy she has been seeing. I see her the next morning cause I was throwing away my trash and I was saying hi to her cats outside and I hear her call them in and I went over to say hi and she was like uh hey um my friend slept over and I was like oh ok. She was like ill text you later. I could not get thru my day I went to work only one shift and then met with my therapist to talk about stuff.

I go over to her place later that night she tells me her mom is not doing too well she needs to have back surgery and we talk about that a bit. When there was some down time after that I was like well that was awkward this morning. She was like yeah I know I felt so bad all day. We proceed to have a talk again about it, I love you she says I love you too. I miss you and she misses me too, I have feelings for you still and she says the same but she doesn't wanna be in relationship right now the pain was too much. I need to work on me and you do too she says. She also says she feels bad saying this but if you had a career to take care of us I would have kept the baby, I didn't disagree with that because thats what I want as well, I was applying for the sheriff DPT but I have to get my neck tattoos removed which I'm going thru now. It was pretty emotional but we both felt good about the talk she even said I'm so glad we can be so open something which we weren't able to do towards the end of our relationship. Im like what should we do and we were both like maybe we shouldn't see each other so much anymore she needs time and space. So we agree and I leave. I go home for the week for xmas to NY to visit family, it was tough. I sent her merry xmas text and she said the same. I came home a day before her and happen to be pulling up from grocery shopping when she has pulled in. I helped her bring all her stuff in and we chat a bit and I leave only to come back maybe 5 min later cause it's eating me up inside. I tell her how hard the holiday was and stuff and that its hard for me to hear everything you said about how you love me miss me and have feelings for me but you don't wanna try and work this out. I was like I'm not saying be back in a relationship but at least working towards it and she still just says I need time I don't wanna deal with those feelings and stuff and think about a relationship she gets too dependent on it and she doesn't do her own stuff cause its easy to just hang with me all day cause its great. We have a connection and Im her best friend but its too painful plus she says what will my family say if I'm like we are back together. They don't like me after all this stuff this year (she didn't tell them about abortion). Im like I can't change that, but isn't our love not strong enough to deal with that. She was just like idk time will help it will help with my family and stuff. So again we left it saying I love you's and that she needs space and time.

What do I do?? We love each other immensely we are best friends and its magic when we are together but the pain is still there for her. I get I need to give her space but how long do I do no contact? What If in this no contact time she contacts me? Is there a chance for us still, her hot and cold behavior like what stage is she in rebound, cooling off, etc. I know this was so much but I needed to give y'all the full scope of the situation. Im sure there is more I can say but if anyone has more questions about things please ask. Thanks for the help/advice and in general just a place to let this all out.
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,902
Wow that was fucking long as shit. Lol I have insomnia right now and read the whole thing.

Well I get it you probably just needed to get all your thoughts out... moving forward.

So my gut reaction reading this is this whole situation is a mess and your hung up and are chasing your girl (which you seem to realize).

I mean even if you were able to get her back can you not see how the foundation of your relationship is just too weak for a prosperous relationship?

Who cares more if the relationship truly ended? Who can walk away the easiest?

She has the position of power at the moment as she has options and she knows you dont if you got her back she's going to be the one with power... not really a great recipe for a strong relationship where your girl has tons of respect for you.

That being said if I were you I'd just move to a different part of town, focus on your career and meeting/banging new women. Do some badass manly shit get some mojo back. Its hard I get it but try and see the situation logically man.

If your dead set on getting your girl back GirlsChase has a great article on how to get your girlfriend back but I truly think you'd be better off just cutting bait, learn your lessons, and find a girl even better than this one (by the sounds of it you should def be able to find a much more amazing girl).

Wishing you nothing but success man.
 
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