Casual/FWB  How to find out if a married woman-friend wants to have an affair with me

Abraxas

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I'm married, want to stay married, but also want to fool around. My wife ~does~ fool around a bit and I'm okay with it, but she's told me that she can't handle it if I do, so if I do, I'd better not let her find out. Double-standard? Totally. Don't bother getting into that with me, though.

What I want to know is this: through social activities, I have a lot of opportunities to interact with married women, and often am able to make casual friendships and get their IMS numbers. A lot of them put out nice vibes, but so far, none has gone anywhere - except when they were already a former lover. A couple of them I know have husbands who are away on business a lot and probably having their own little illicit romantic adventures. So the question: how exactly do I get across that I'd like to make our friendship more than just chatting at the park or sending text messages? It's an important question, because it isn't just an issue of being rebuffed. If I come on to the wrong woman, I could make myself the subject of gossip that could easily find its way back to my wife.
 

trashKENNUT

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Abraxas,

Abraxas said:
Double-standard? Totally. Don't bother getting into that with me, though.

Researchers also notes that we are good liars. So don't worry. http://www.scientificamerican.com/artic ... orn-liars/

Abraxas said:
So the question: how exactly do I get across that I'd like to make our friendship more than just chatting at the park or sending text messages? It's an important question, because it isn't just an issue of being rebuffed. If I come on to the wrong woman, I could make myself the subject of gossip that could easily find its way back to my wife.

I don't think you can ever avoid women talking about you. Given an example of a social circle, where you meet a girl and you want to court her in private, and that girl goes and tell all her girlfriends even if you did do it away from onlooking friends.

Such things do happen. The best way, if you really want is to never leave text messages at all. Use phone calls. If you have a wife who knows your phone password, then it's unfortunate and you should not do that in the first place. So delete call logs too!

One advice i can think of is phone calls and run direct, although i am sure there are other members here that can give better advice than this. :)

Zac
 

Abraxas

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Thanks, Zac, but what I'm really more interested in knowing is to how to communicate my desire to the target woman and interpret her intention.
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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Abraxas,

Yea, You intepret her intention by asking her number. You might ask why here. Women whom are attached tend to be unhappy or most of them, still collect orbiters. They tease men and they flirt just enough to get a guy interested and chasing them.

By asking her number, you run direct game on her. If she doesn't get that, you call her and run direct game on her. Thus avoiding the flirtatious game that she plays around.

I see this pattern with other guys here when they meet married women, too.

Zac
 

Abraxas

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ZacAdam said:
Abraxas,

Yea, You intepret her intention by asking her number. You might ask why here. Women whom are attached tend to be unhappy or most of them, still collect orbiters. They tease men and they flirt just enough to get a guy interested and chasing them.

By asking her number, you run direct game on her. If she doesn't get that, you call her and run direct game on her. Thus avoiding the flirtatious game that she plays around.

I see this pattern with other guys here when they meet married women, too.

Zac

These are women whose numbers/PM numbers I already have. I mean, how do I advance things further?
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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Abraxas,

Abraxas said:
These are women whose numbers/PM numbers I already have. I mean, how do I advance things further?

I see where this is going. Apologies for not noting the "married woman-friend". You have to either be direct and tell her that you like to meet her and go out on a date, The result of this can be awkward because i assume there was no sexual tension at all when you meet her.

I would not suggest pulling away from her because she's married, and whether or not you pull away slowly or faster, she will not get your hint because she's already in a relationship or in this case here, marriage. And lastly, it will definitely waste your time.

So basically, run a direct game on her. Call her. Tell her that you want to meet.

Zac
 

Abraxas

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DrexelScott said:
"So your husband travels a lot? Interesting. How do you keep from getting too lonely?" with a smirk. Then maybe divulge some of your relationship's openness to goad her into sharing hers. Then from there it's pretty straightforward. Like if she says "oh I have friends to keep me from getting lonely," I might say "yeah my wife and I have an arrangement, if we get too lonely we can call a certain kind of friend...with some rules about discretion of course. Do you have any kind of special arrangement?"

Basically just be real about it, but dip your toe in the water before you jump in. Make sense?

Been away for a bit. Your advice was great. I managed to get a married woman practically begging me for it with an approach very much along these lines...

...then I backed out. Feel really silly, especially because of the freedom I give my wife, but I just realized I didn't want to accept the consequences if I got caught... not only for myself and my family, but for the other woman and her family. However please don't think your suggestion was given in vain, as even this achievement was a confidence-builder for me, and I think the 'Girls Chase Quest' I'm on will continue. Instead of cheating, though, I hope to use these skills to improve my relationship with the wife to the point where maybe we can have the relationship I want, openly... not to mention improving my interpersonal skills more generally.

Also nice username, are you a member of that particular school of thought or you just like the word?

I can't call myself a "member", but I definitely lean in the pantheist direction, and if I were to give the pantheistic "god" a name based in history/theology, I suppose that would be Abraxas.
 
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