- Joined
- Dec 21, 2012
- Messages
- 128
If you have had any sort of experience in the past with a girl you had sex multiple times with, but didn't enter a serious relationship with, you will have inevitably had to deal with attachment issues.
Assuming that the attached person is not you, this leaves the girl.
Now, there are countless examples of dudes who have had sex with a girl numerous times, she was cool to keep it like that, and then they parted ways with her amicably with no one getting hurt. This does happen, and I have a couple girls right now that I can call at pretty much any time of day any day of the week for sex (or in one of them's case, walk up the stairs to their room; I live in a dorm), but if your game is good enough to get the girl, and they legitimately enjoy fucking and spending time with you, with most girls attachment will eventually become an issue.
It is imperative to your psyche, stress levels, and reputation to handle when this happens well. This happened to one of my friends recently. He had sex with a very attractive girl about three times a week for a month or so, and she began assuming they were in a relationship, or would be soon enough, despite repeatedly telling him that she didn't expect anything but sex from him. Basically, she cockblocked the shit out of him one night, then freaked out like he had cheated on her (the circumstances made it seem he was rubbing it in her face, but my friend is clueless and was none the wiser). My friend was shitfaced and decided the best way to deal with this would be to call her a stupid ass jealous bitch, try and kick her out of the apartment where the party was being thrown, and then smash a potted plant on the balcony and storm downtown punching street signs when the apartment's owner wouldn't comply. My other friend and I almost ended up in a knock down drag out brawl with the apartment's residents over this, and I was pissed at this guy for awhile, but the real damage was done to his reputation with the group of girls who were friends with that girl. The girl's friend began spreading far and wide that my friend was a crazy fuck and treated girls like shit, and now a group of 16 or so pretty sexy girls won't even be seen at the same venue as him, and my friends and I had to work pretty damn hard to convince them to even speak to our group after that. This is bad for not only my friend, but also reflects badly on me and the rest of our boys for hanging with this guy.
Granted this is an extreme example of handling attachment and jealousy badly, my friend should have just told her he didn't realize he had hurt her and reminded her that because she had claimed the relationship was purely physical he could not have possibly had any idea she held out hope for anything more, and certainly had no right to embarrass him and herself by making a scene, but it serves the purpose of outlining the dangers of handling casual relationships well.
I believe the key to that is defining the purpose of the relationship early (Second time you have sex with her is ideal, 3rd at the latest. If you have sex with a girl on four separate occasions and don't make sure she knows you don't want anything more, she is going to think you are leading her on or assume that you want a relationship. Once that seed is planted, its pretty hard to unplant.)
Don't make the shit an immediate ultimatum, thats just fucking weird (picture standing up after having sex with her a third time and blurting out "I don't want a relationship with you, so if you're entertaining the idea get the fuck out") Instead, ask her gently what she wants from you. If her answer is sex, fun, or a good time, your good. If her answer is something along the lines of spending time with you...its a no go. In the latter is the case, you should still not pull out an ultimatum, because if she likes you enough this will encourage her to lie to you, believing that you will eventually 'come to your senses' and want to be with her and only her. However, make sure, firmly and seriously, that she knows you do not want any sort of monogamous relationship.
At this point she will do one of three things:
1. Say that she IS looking for a relationship, so the two of you should probably go your separate ways/be platonic friends (which is ok, this means you have dodged a bullet, and if you do want a relationship with her now you know she wants one too);
2. Say that she isn't looking for a relationship either, she is just looking for sex, and continue to have regular sex with you with no attachments (This is ideal, but not as likely as the third option, so it needs to be checked); or...
3. Say she isn't looking for a relationship either, she is just looking for sex (or say nothing, but make sure to make your statement firm enough that it would be weird for her to not reply), but brush your comment off as you not knowing what you really want, and continue to think of you as hers.
(Sidenote: She could also conceivably do something crazy such as break down crying or get real angry, especially if she is younger, I have had this happen to me before. If this happens, your best bet is to calm her down, get the fuck out as fast as possible, and forget about her. If a girl gets that emotional after 3 fucks, she is more than any dude should have to deal with.)
To make sure that number 2 is genuine and isn't really number 3, which has the potential to spin out of control into a situation similar to my friend's described above, you need to watch for warning signs that she still holds out hope for something more.
Warning signs:
-She talks about you to her friends a lot.
-She shows great interest in where you are at random times.
-She texts you or calls you "just to talk" (this one can be a grey area if you are friends as well as lovers, but friendship and sex never mix well outside of a relationship, so avoid that if possible)
-She shows unusual interest in what girls you talk to or what you did last time you went out.
-She shows signs of clinginess, like insisting you come over rather than do something else that is important.
-If she goes out to the same places you do, she doesn't seem to pay attention to any men but you.
-She invests more time in your attention than anyone else's in social situations.
If the girl exhibits any one of these, I would suggest weaning her off of you and ultimately getting out of the situation. Don't simply ignore the shit out of her or be harsh, because if a girl in this position feels she has been fucked over by you, she will quickly become an enemy. As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn; a bitch in that situation will do whatever she can to fuck you over right back. Instead, let her down gently. Tell her that you think the relationship is getting too serious, and that you should stop having sex, because you don't want to risk hurting her.
If that is too much for her to bear, and she still ends up hating you, that is her problem, because you handled it the best you could, and there isn't any possible way she could talk shit about the way you treated her (unless somewhere in there you decided to beat the shit out of her, but thats a totally different issue, and I'm assuming no one on here is a psychopath)
Thanks for reading,
Jay
Assuming that the attached person is not you, this leaves the girl.
Now, there are countless examples of dudes who have had sex with a girl numerous times, she was cool to keep it like that, and then they parted ways with her amicably with no one getting hurt. This does happen, and I have a couple girls right now that I can call at pretty much any time of day any day of the week for sex (or in one of them's case, walk up the stairs to their room; I live in a dorm), but if your game is good enough to get the girl, and they legitimately enjoy fucking and spending time with you, with most girls attachment will eventually become an issue.
It is imperative to your psyche, stress levels, and reputation to handle when this happens well. This happened to one of my friends recently. He had sex with a very attractive girl about three times a week for a month or so, and she began assuming they were in a relationship, or would be soon enough, despite repeatedly telling him that she didn't expect anything but sex from him. Basically, she cockblocked the shit out of him one night, then freaked out like he had cheated on her (the circumstances made it seem he was rubbing it in her face, but my friend is clueless and was none the wiser). My friend was shitfaced and decided the best way to deal with this would be to call her a stupid ass jealous bitch, try and kick her out of the apartment where the party was being thrown, and then smash a potted plant on the balcony and storm downtown punching street signs when the apartment's owner wouldn't comply. My other friend and I almost ended up in a knock down drag out brawl with the apartment's residents over this, and I was pissed at this guy for awhile, but the real damage was done to his reputation with the group of girls who were friends with that girl. The girl's friend began spreading far and wide that my friend was a crazy fuck and treated girls like shit, and now a group of 16 or so pretty sexy girls won't even be seen at the same venue as him, and my friends and I had to work pretty damn hard to convince them to even speak to our group after that. This is bad for not only my friend, but also reflects badly on me and the rest of our boys for hanging with this guy.
Granted this is an extreme example of handling attachment and jealousy badly, my friend should have just told her he didn't realize he had hurt her and reminded her that because she had claimed the relationship was purely physical he could not have possibly had any idea she held out hope for anything more, and certainly had no right to embarrass him and herself by making a scene, but it serves the purpose of outlining the dangers of handling casual relationships well.
I believe the key to that is defining the purpose of the relationship early (Second time you have sex with her is ideal, 3rd at the latest. If you have sex with a girl on four separate occasions and don't make sure she knows you don't want anything more, she is going to think you are leading her on or assume that you want a relationship. Once that seed is planted, its pretty hard to unplant.)
Don't make the shit an immediate ultimatum, thats just fucking weird (picture standing up after having sex with her a third time and blurting out "I don't want a relationship with you, so if you're entertaining the idea get the fuck out") Instead, ask her gently what she wants from you. If her answer is sex, fun, or a good time, your good. If her answer is something along the lines of spending time with you...its a no go. In the latter is the case, you should still not pull out an ultimatum, because if she likes you enough this will encourage her to lie to you, believing that you will eventually 'come to your senses' and want to be with her and only her. However, make sure, firmly and seriously, that she knows you do not want any sort of monogamous relationship.
At this point she will do one of three things:
1. Say that she IS looking for a relationship, so the two of you should probably go your separate ways/be platonic friends (which is ok, this means you have dodged a bullet, and if you do want a relationship with her now you know she wants one too);
2. Say that she isn't looking for a relationship either, she is just looking for sex, and continue to have regular sex with you with no attachments (This is ideal, but not as likely as the third option, so it needs to be checked); or...
3. Say she isn't looking for a relationship either, she is just looking for sex (or say nothing, but make sure to make your statement firm enough that it would be weird for her to not reply), but brush your comment off as you not knowing what you really want, and continue to think of you as hers.
(Sidenote: She could also conceivably do something crazy such as break down crying or get real angry, especially if she is younger, I have had this happen to me before. If this happens, your best bet is to calm her down, get the fuck out as fast as possible, and forget about her. If a girl gets that emotional after 3 fucks, she is more than any dude should have to deal with.)
To make sure that number 2 is genuine and isn't really number 3, which has the potential to spin out of control into a situation similar to my friend's described above, you need to watch for warning signs that she still holds out hope for something more.
Warning signs:
-She talks about you to her friends a lot.
-She shows great interest in where you are at random times.
-She texts you or calls you "just to talk" (this one can be a grey area if you are friends as well as lovers, but friendship and sex never mix well outside of a relationship, so avoid that if possible)
-She shows unusual interest in what girls you talk to or what you did last time you went out.
-She shows signs of clinginess, like insisting you come over rather than do something else that is important.
-If she goes out to the same places you do, she doesn't seem to pay attention to any men but you.
-She invests more time in your attention than anyone else's in social situations.
If the girl exhibits any one of these, I would suggest weaning her off of you and ultimately getting out of the situation. Don't simply ignore the shit out of her or be harsh, because if a girl in this position feels she has been fucked over by you, she will quickly become an enemy. As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn; a bitch in that situation will do whatever she can to fuck you over right back. Instead, let her down gently. Tell her that you think the relationship is getting too serious, and that you should stop having sex, because you don't want to risk hurting her.
If that is too much for her to bear, and she still ends up hating you, that is her problem, because you handled it the best you could, and there isn't any possible way she could talk shit about the way you treated her (unless somewhere in there you decided to beat the shit out of her, but thats a totally different issue, and I'm assuming no one on here is a psychopath)
Thanks for reading,
Jay
which is what i am trying to do. LOL!
