Ok so I have been dating/having sex with this girl she's nice I like her but she is so flaky. It weird though when we go out somewhere she never flakes on plans I made. But on nights where she just wants me to come over a lot of times she will flake. I have a right to be frustrated with this right? She's got two kids so I've been pretty patient I understand working and being a mom is tough but feel like if she was really interested she would value this personal alone time. But anyways we got plans for tonight and she told me she's on her period. I told her I'm fine with just hanging out and I text her I'll be on my way at 1040 no response but I'll just assume where still on. So how should I address this? we have unprotected sex and it's awesome but if she continues with this flakiness. I'm thinking about dating other women and want to let her know she's on eggshells in hoping it may give her a reality check that she may lose me
Casual/FWB girl flakes on dates she makes can I get mad?
- Thread starter randzilla
- Start date
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2015
- Messages
- 1,018
Short answer; nope, you're never allowed to get mad about women being women.
But, if this is frustrating you then you are free to discuss this with her calmly and make the decision or not if you want to continue. Because if you break it off with her, and you do so calmly, then there's a chance she will come back to ya down the road. If you allow yourself to get upset then you lose her and she looks down on you for it.
But, if this is frustrating you then you are free to discuss this with her calmly and make the decision or not if you want to continue. Because if you break it off with her, and you do so calmly, then there's a chance she will come back to ya down the road. If you allow yourself to get upset then you lose her and she looks down on you for it.
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2013
- Messages
- 1,821
Lesson #1 - You never want to be direct with women because it just leads to problems. As soon as you directly say what the issue is, women seize the opportunity to take the moral high ground and crush you. Basically, it's makes their job super easy.
Lesson #2 - Implicit game is about getting your point across without directly saying it - which usually means your behaviors, and sometimes your behaviors accompanied by words. Assuming a girl sees you as valuable and worth keeping around then she's going to a) want to see you and b) freak the fuck out as the prospect of losing you. So, in this situation, if she's flaking on you then you just take more time to reply to her, be a little more flaky yourself, and pull back a little bit.
Think about it - you make it sound like she's done this a few times so she knows that if she flakes on you, you're going to want to keep seeing her when she hits you up which can be a good or a bad thing depending on the expectations you've set. If she doesn't think you can meet new women then she feels like she can always flake because she's one of your only options to get pussy. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this girl is a girlfriend (or a girlfriend prospect) then when she flakes you text back with something minimal and nonchalant. If she's a girlfriend, you text back with something a bit longer and warmer but still nonchalant - never anger!
Plus, what's the point in getting angry? If she flakes on you then that's just more time for you to meet or hook up with a new girl - that's the mentality you should have here.
-Richard
Lesson #2 - Implicit game is about getting your point across without directly saying it - which usually means your behaviors, and sometimes your behaviors accompanied by words. Assuming a girl sees you as valuable and worth keeping around then she's going to a) want to see you and b) freak the fuck out as the prospect of losing you. So, in this situation, if she's flaking on you then you just take more time to reply to her, be a little more flaky yourself, and pull back a little bit.
Think about it - you make it sound like she's done this a few times so she knows that if she flakes on you, you're going to want to keep seeing her when she hits you up which can be a good or a bad thing depending on the expectations you've set. If she doesn't think you can meet new women then she feels like she can always flake because she's one of your only options to get pussy. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this girl is a girlfriend (or a girlfriend prospect) then when she flakes you text back with something minimal and nonchalant. If she's a girlfriend, you text back with something a bit longer and warmer but still nonchalant - never anger!
Plus, what's the point in getting angry? If she flakes on you then that's just more time for you to meet or hook up with a new girl - that's the mentality you should have here.
-Richard
look up the Blackdragon Soft Next.
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2013
- Messages
- 709
@ Richard
You always make me consider a nuance I hadn't before, which challenge me to reframe the way I interpret a girl's action even if going at the right direction but end up doing it under the wrong frame.
For example, I try to double schedule dates whenever possible – I accepted it being a truth of the world: girls will flake, and I shall not fight it. So I'll double schedule instead.
But every once in a while, maybe when operating on tight logistics and her being late will considerably lessen my chances of getting laid or if she showed some kind of investment just to drop it last minute a couple of times in such a way that I feel played, I will snap on them because I feel no one (and girls, in particular) shall waste my respectable time. (Interestingly, I spend way more time than I should on YouTube.)
I can see how that can backfire if the girl has been around high quality dick for longer. The ones who really don't have time to spare are ruthless with it and would have just backed off or downright cut her right away:
You always make me consider a nuance I hadn't before, which challenge me to reframe the way I interpret a girl's action even if going at the right direction but end up doing it under the wrong frame.
For example, I try to double schedule dates whenever possible – I accepted it being a truth of the world: girls will flake, and I shall not fight it. So I'll double schedule instead.
But every once in a while, maybe when operating on tight logistics and her being late will considerably lessen my chances of getting laid or if she showed some kind of investment just to drop it last minute a couple of times in such a way that I feel played, I will snap on them because I feel no one (and girls, in particular) shall waste my respectable time. (Interestingly, I spend way more time than I should on YouTube.)
I can see how that can backfire if the girl has been around high quality dick for longer. The ones who really don't have time to spare are ruthless with it and would have just backed off or downright cut her right away:
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2013
- Messages
- 709
Richard, playing the devil's advocate here. I was thinking about this and I remembered a situation where getting mad helped me get what I wanted that I'm not sure I would otherwise.
Basically, I wanted something from a girl, snapped at her and I got what I wanted. Keep in mind I had already fucked her, so I had some investment but not head over heels investment. I'm pretty sure that if I stopped giving her attention she could possibly not even "miss" me with all the attention she had... one could argue, then: I did the right thing in that situation. It's a burning tactic over time, but if I feel she isn't going to chase me like a puppy, probably this has no business going long-term anyway.
A second problem is, assuming she misses my attention, I'm not sure she would make the link that I'm being aloof because she's not giving me X, or even if she did realize and didn't want to bowl for whatever reason. I actually went on an unnecessary battle of aloofness and jealousy because of this once. She didn't give me what I wanted -> I become aloof. She fights my aloofness with more aloofness. The cycle continues forever.
I feel that ignoring her when the girl is super invested in you and believes that you have access to 200 pussies at the snap of a finger works really well. For other situations where this is not the case, maybe not?
Basically, I wanted something from a girl, snapped at her and I got what I wanted. Keep in mind I had already fucked her, so I had some investment but not head over heels investment. I'm pretty sure that if I stopped giving her attention she could possibly not even "miss" me with all the attention she had... one could argue, then: I did the right thing in that situation. It's a burning tactic over time, but if I feel she isn't going to chase me like a puppy, probably this has no business going long-term anyway.
A second problem is, assuming she misses my attention, I'm not sure she would make the link that I'm being aloof because she's not giving me X, or even if she did realize and didn't want to bowl for whatever reason. I actually went on an unnecessary battle of aloofness and jealousy because of this once. She didn't give me what I wanted -> I become aloof. She fights my aloofness with more aloofness. The cycle continues forever.
I feel that ignoring her when the girl is super invested in you and believes that you have access to 200 pussies at the snap of a finger works really well. For other situations where this is not the case, maybe not?
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2013
- Messages
- 1,821
BD,
I actually wrote a reply earlier before I went to work and scrapped it, haha.
The thing to keep in mind is that these tactics and strategies only work when a girl views you as a high quality guy and somebody worth holding on to or afraid of letting go of which is why you will find most situations can have varied results. If I go aloof on a girl she will likely chase me down, but if the average guy does that same thing with the same girl she will likely let him go - the strength of the strategy has a lot to do with how a girl views you.
Anyway, if you'd already fucked her and she stuck around then she's developed some loyalty to you so snapping CAN be the right strategy, in some cases. It's not like going aloof is the end all be all - it's only a single strategy, ya know?
Second problem, if she misses your attention then she will sniff out what is wrong (which is investment, haha) and make a decision or she will chase you down - again, though, that really only happens if she views you as valuable and worth holding on to. Plus, all of these things change depending on her investment in you (as you pointed out) because if you've already fucked her and given her a few great orgasms then the entire dynamic changes in your favor.
Last note, since we are talking about getting angry/mad - there are certainly times where it is okay and, even, necessary to stop being cool and nonchalant and put the kibosh on something but, even in those situations you should be stern and absolute instead of angry or mad. Remember, anger comes from a sense of powerlessness and you should never feel powerless in a situation but you can totally be stern and absolute without anger. But, those situations are very nuanced (as you likely know) and the general answer is to remain cool and upbeat.
Last last note, haha. A great example comes from the situation I'm in - this girl was calling me every day (getting my attention and investment) without offering anything back and this is a girl I had been intimate with before so I gave an implicit ultimatum of "Either we remain intimate or I'm gone" and she didn't believe me, at first, since I didn't directly say I would leave or walk out so she brushed it off - 2 weeks go by and I don't answer a single call or text until she hardcore chases me and submits to my ultimatum and we've been intimate ever since. In that situation, the correct play was to give her that ultimatum and let her decide but I wasn't angry - it was simply the smart thing to do.
-Richard
I actually wrote a reply earlier before I went to work and scrapped it, haha.
The thing to keep in mind is that these tactics and strategies only work when a girl views you as a high quality guy and somebody worth holding on to or afraid of letting go of which is why you will find most situations can have varied results. If I go aloof on a girl she will likely chase me down, but if the average guy does that same thing with the same girl she will likely let him go - the strength of the strategy has a lot to do with how a girl views you.
Anyway, if you'd already fucked her and she stuck around then she's developed some loyalty to you so snapping CAN be the right strategy, in some cases. It's not like going aloof is the end all be all - it's only a single strategy, ya know?
Second problem, if she misses your attention then she will sniff out what is wrong (which is investment, haha) and make a decision or she will chase you down - again, though, that really only happens if she views you as valuable and worth holding on to. Plus, all of these things change depending on her investment in you (as you pointed out) because if you've already fucked her and given her a few great orgasms then the entire dynamic changes in your favor.
Last note, since we are talking about getting angry/mad - there are certainly times where it is okay and, even, necessary to stop being cool and nonchalant and put the kibosh on something but, even in those situations you should be stern and absolute instead of angry or mad. Remember, anger comes from a sense of powerlessness and you should never feel powerless in a situation but you can totally be stern and absolute without anger. But, those situations are very nuanced (as you likely know) and the general answer is to remain cool and upbeat.
Last last note, haha. A great example comes from the situation I'm in - this girl was calling me every day (getting my attention and investment) without offering anything back and this is a girl I had been intimate with before so I gave an implicit ultimatum of "Either we remain intimate or I'm gone" and she didn't believe me, at first, since I didn't directly say I would leave or walk out so she brushed it off - 2 weeks go by and I don't answer a single call or text until she hardcore chases me and submits to my ultimatum and we've been intimate ever since. In that situation, the correct play was to give her that ultimatum and let her decide but I wasn't angry - it was simply the smart thing to do.
-Richard
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2013
- Messages
- 709
Yeah Rich, that's how I came to ultimately feel regarding the "right" techniques. Not to say they are WRONG, but for the most part, you gotta have a certain leverage for them to work at all or over longer periods of time.
I guess you hardly separate this from the big picture, but I need to work on my investing and rewarding/punishing. It's way better now, though. I found some posts of mine from two years-ish ago where I completely misread the girl investing a fuckton in me and me being angry because I wanted her to give me more and punishing her lol
Anyways, I think you are correct and this is great confirmation.
I guess you hardly separate this from the big picture, but I need to work on my investing and rewarding/punishing. It's way better now, though. I found some posts of mine from two years-ish ago where I completely misread the girl investing a fuckton in me and me being angry because I wanted her to give me more and punishing her lol
This is very likely due to my setup and how I can get a girl attracted and invested in me (still isn't up there), but whenever I do stuff like this, it's always hit or miss. And I always feel like she doesn't "get" the message, probably because I'm not framing myself as a person in which such attitude would be expected + lack of investment on her part. What I tried in the past was being more explicit, which is never a smooth thing to do. It sounded more forced and still hit or miss. So definitively not the answer in the majority of the cases at least.
Anyways, I think you are correct and this is great confirmation.