D's Journal

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
Hello, you can call me D.
I am 18 and am just starting out trying Chase's stuff. Been doing so for about a month or two.
The only place I have tried day gaming are the streets. I like it because I just walk up and down the same streets and there are always women walking alone.
Anyways, I have not gotten a number from a random girl yet but that is the goal right now.
My goal is to go out 3-4 times a week and approach at least 8 women on those days.
My goal is to have a better opener and create sexual tension, especially sexual tension. If you guys could give me tips on creating sexual tension and just tips in general, it would be greatly appreciated.

June 26
*did 6-8 approaches today, couldn't remember all of them really but got rejected every time. I'll list everything I can remember.

1. Brunette girl - mid twenties
Pre-opened her, said: "Hi, I just saw you walking here, and I just had to say, you're the prettiest girl I've seen all day. My name's Darren."
Her: *smiled* "My name's _______"
Me: "Nice to meet you _______ "*put out my hand*, "air handshake"
Her: *smiled, returned air handshake* "You've got quite a lot of game for someone your age."
Me: (no girls ever complimented me before so this sorta took me by surprise hahahaha) "Thanks" (I should've said something like, "thats what they all say")
Her: "You've got a lot of confidence, that will do you well, but what I think you should do is be more sincere with your opener."
Me: "Hmm" (here I should have combined "hmm" with hand on my chin, to make it look like im thinking and use more body language) "Like, what do you mean, by more sincere?"
Her: "Well, you should simplify it, like just say something like, 'you're pretty, can I talk to you?'
Me: "Thanks! You know quite a lot, huh?" (here, I should've combined this sentence with a skeptical look)
Her: "Yeah, I tutor my guy friends sometimes hahaha"
(here, I should've said something sexual or something like frame her as a chaser, but I couldn't think of anything, what would you guys say?)
Her: "Sometimes, guys are bad with their openers, like they'll try to be mean or tease too much."
Me: "You mean saying something like, 'wow, thats a lot of shopping bags, are you sure you left clothes for everyone else?'"
Her: *laughs super hard*
Her: "No, not like that, thats actually good"
Me: "So, I should use that sometime?"
Her: "Hahahaha, yes!"
Me: "Okay, well thanks, for giving me the advice, I appreciate it, enjoy the rest of your day!"

*I didn't close, because of her response ("you have good game for someone as young as you" - sorta means i'm too young?)

2. Brunette girl - late twenties
Pre-opened her, "Hi, I just saw you walking here, and I just thought to myself, wow, what a pretty girl."
Me: My names Darren *shake her hand*
Her: "Thanks, I'm ___________"
Me: "So, what are you up to today ______?"
Her: "I just got off of work and now I'm just deciding whether I should get a coffee or not"
Me: "We should definitely get a coffee" (I should've not had said this, hahahaha, makes me reek of desperation)
Her: *awkwardly "Well, I was just gonna get one and leave" *doesn't go into coffee store anymore, continues walking*
Me: "So, what's work?
Her: "I don't give random pieces of information out to strangers."
Me: "But, how are we supposed to get past being strangers, if you don't?"
Her: "Who says I want to get past being strangers?"
Me: "Well, how about if I tell you a piece of info from my life? Then it would be like a mutual transference."
Her: "Um no..."
Me: "Okay, nice meeting you, bye!"

Holy fuck that took a lot of time to write. I'm going to write one or two more later.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
3. Brunette Girl - Early twenties
Pre-opened her, and said: "Hi, I just saw you standing here and I thought to myself, wow, what a pretty girl"
Her: "Oh thanks" (you could see that she appreciated the compliment and saw it as sincere, simplifying my opener seemed to work)
Me: I'm Darren
*shake her hand, meet her*
*started deep diving, found out that she was from new Brunswick, went to LA to be in the film business but said everyone there was fake so she moved to Vancouver for film and now loves Vancouver*

Me: "So what did you not like about LA?"
Her: "Just because in LA, it is Hollywood, you know? Everyone there is just set on the movie business and making it big. You know, everyone seemed so, fake."
Me: *actively listening, feeding back*
Me: "But, you know what that says about you?" (should have used pregnant pause after the 'but')
Her: *giggles*"That I'm not fake?"
Me: "Yeah! It says that you're true to yourself and a genuine person" (here, I should've added something like, 'and I lovveee girls who are true to their feelings' *said with a sexy tone of voice, leaning in towards her or something* - being a sexual, non judgmental man)

I tried to close but she declined, using the "I have a boyfriend" objection, gave me a hug and left

Cons:
During this whole interaction, I was following her around while she was doing her shopping, what do you think would be a good way to lock in? I was thinking something like leaning against the shelves and when she leaves the store, tell her to stop for a few minutes on the middle of the street and maybe lean against a store or something? Better than following her around.
Couldn't build much sexual tension
Got her talking a lot, so maybe should've provided less verbal feedback (eg. wow that's so cool) and done more body language (like nodding my head yes)

Pros:
Got her on the hook. She was contributing a lot to the conversation.

4. Blondish-brunette girl - early to mid twenties

Pre-opened her
Me: "Are you single?" *cock head back, slant my eyebrows, attempt skeptical look*
Her: "No"
Me: "Well, I just saw you standing here and I thought that you were pretty."
Her: "Thanks, that's nice of you to compliment me, but I have a boyfriend"
Me: "Oh, that's a shame..." (screwed up here, instead of saying that i should've said something like: 'pffftttt... doesn't matter' or 'pffftttt, I can still talk to you')
Me: "But, I can still talk to you" (tried to recover) "I mean you can't dress like that and expect NOT to get approached."
Her: "Thanks...*looks down at her clothes* These are actually just my work clothes"
Me: "Still sexy as hell, hot damnn"
Her: "Umm... okay."
Me: "What are you up to today?"
Her: "Going home, just got off work."
Me: "Ahh, what's work?"
Her: I work in a hair salon over on 4th, what about you? What are you doing?"
Me: Oh, I just walk up the street, *points up the street* over at White Spot." (gotta use more body language like pointing etc.)
Me: "So, how do you like working over at the hair place?"
Her: "It's good."
Me: "What do you like about it?"
Her: "I like the people"
Me: *deep diving more* "What do you like about the people?"
Her: "Well, they're funny and they're cool to hang out with in and outside of work"
Me: "Ahhh, so you're a girl with a sense of adventure." (I should've said something like, 'so you're a social butterfly, who gets along with the most of people' - would be better feedback)
Her: "How do you know that?"
Me: "Ever go on any crazy adventures?" *turned to look at her out of the corners of my eyes, smiled slightly* (I should've said something like, 'well you hang out with your co workers outside of work, so you must be a pretty adventurous person, not afraid to push past her comfort zones' *putting sexual emphasis on the last part*)
Her: "Well, today I rode my bike to work. Was a pretty cool adventure" (hahaha, boring, I thought... I ride my bike every day)
Me: "Well, nice meeting you." *shake her hand* "Have a nice day!"

Created no sexual tension so didn't even try to close.



The rest of my approaches today (probably like 3), I just got blown off a few minutes into the interaction, couldn't make the light banter interesting enough or didn't open well, or whatever...
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
Note: Also, in my first interaction, I think she complimented me because she said she worked at Mountain Equipment Co-op, and I said that she must be a sportsy girl. This indicated good feedback, and thoughtfulness, telling her about herself. Also, during this interaction, its funny because I was thinking about my posture and my swaying hands and my rocking shoulders more than the actual conversation itself. And if you're wondering why I air hand shaked her, it was because she was eating something with one hand and holding a bag in the other. And when she said that she tutored her guy friends in picking up women, I should've said something like...

"That sounds sad." (just to add humor lol)

OR

"Wow, you tutor? I bet you've got the skills, baby" *said in a seductive tone of voice*

Goals:

Create sexual tension (with body language, touch, eye contact, staring at her after saying something sexy, and not saying a word, imagine the girl naked and on my bed when I flirt/talk with her)

Lock in

Gain compliance (ask to look at women's watches and necklaces, make them hold open the door for me)

Tone down expressions - don't smile much to create more tension and pressure on her to hold the conversation, only smile when opening and flirting

Act like you've heard/seen it all before
She scuba dives for a living? Oh that's cool. There's probably lots of scuba divers out there.

Ways to touch:
*accidently* bump into her while walking beside her
ask to look at something shes wearing (make sure to hold out my hand and ask to look at it)
hold her shoulder while making a point
touching her legs with my legs when sitting to each other
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
June 28th

Decided to walk down the street once again today. Did around 10 approaches today. Got rejected pretty quick on about half of them. But I did get two numbers and I did better with touching girls even though I didn't feel like I created the sexual tension I wanted. As usual, I cannot remember every single detail and every single approach but I will list the conversations I can remember. All the handshakes were just holding the girls hands (not actually shaking it). Next time, I will focus on holding their hands, a SECOND longer.

1. Brunette girl - mid to late twenties

Met this girl in chapters. I think I pre-opened her with lingering touch or I just did glance and smile, can't remember. Went truly indirect with the opener, something I've never done before to random girls.

Me: "What's the deal with this place?"
Her: "What? You mean there's a lot of books?"
Me: "Yeah"
Her: *said something or laughed or both, can't really remember*
Me: "I can see you got a book."
Her: "Yeah, a couple books actually. I got this one here for my friend because I lost her copy. And this one, check this one out." *hands me the book, tells me to read the back*
Me: *I quickly scan the back of the book, was panicking a bit here because I don't like silence, but I should get used to silence more and using body language, and creating the tension, and actually read what the book is about* (Here, I got compliance because I commented that the book looked sorta religious, because of the title)
Me: "Wow, deep shit." (I could tell the book was deep from just scanning the back)
Her: *laughs* "Yeah, I usually read the first few pages of a book just to see what it's like."
Me: "I can tell you are a thoughtful person because you're getting a book for your friend. And the second book shows me you're a *pause here, look up into the air as if formulating how to say what I was going to say* ...person who plays close attention to detail... (sorta sounded like a forced compliment, not because I did a pause, pausing is good, but because I sorta stumbled with the compliment)
Her: "Thanks"
Me: "You come here often?"
Her: "Yeah, I do actually. What about you?"
Me: "Yeah, I like to do some reading and writing sometimes..."
Her: "Cool."
Me: "What about you? What else do you do other than read?" (turning it back to her)
Her: "Well, I'm in a band, blah, blah, blah"

I then told her that she was a variety kind of person (from the genre she plays, which was a bit of everything, and told her she was the leader of the band, since she formed it)

So I did a bunch of cold reading and telling the girl about herself, and I didn't feel like diving in more so I just asked her for her number. She wanted to give me her facebook, but I said I didn't have facebook and she should just give me her number, so she did. Anyways, I was pretty happy, it was the first number I got from a random girl, even though I know she probably won't respond because she wanted to give me her facebook first. I also should've leaned against the bookshelf beside her, as to lock in, but I didn't really think of it, or I didn't want to knock over the shelf or whatever hahahaha.

2. Brunette girl - twenties

Did glance and smile beside her in Chapters

Me: "What's the deal with this place?"
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, there's so many books."
Her: *laughs like I'm stupid* (DAMN ME) "Well, it is a book store."

Can't remember the whole conversation but I can remember this one part where I tried to frame her and I tried to create sexual tension.

Me: "What kinda books do you like to read?"
Girl: "A bit of everything."
Me: "Ahh, the large variety, huh?"
Girl: "Yep."
Me: "I bet you like to read the romance novels" (should've said this after she said, 'a bit of everything')
Girl: "No, I don't"
Me: "Too fake?"
Girl: "Yeah."
(here, I shouldn't have let her win the frame, I should've said something like, "don't lie to me, I know you like reading the books with the handsome, mysterious men in it.")

At one point, she said that she had been living here a long time so I said, "Ahh, so you know all the secret places only the tourists could care about?"
Girl: *responded*
Me: "What's your favorite secret spot? (should've leaned in here and leaned back, but I was scared of people around or whatever, fuck me)
Girl: "I don't know"
Me: *Gave her a playful shove*
Me: "Cmon, you must have a favorite spot, Chapters?"
Girl: "Sure"

3. Redish-brunette haired girl - mid to late twenties

Pre-opened her with lingering touch
Complimented her hair, "I love the redish, brown thing you got going on"
Found out she worked at a clothing store named "Exposure"
I said: "Exposure? That sounds like you're exposing your body." (hahaha a sad attempt to let her know about the 'nymph in her') (should've said something more along the lines of: "Exposure? Like exposing your body to try to seduce men?" OR "you know, exposure + you = a lot of men panting like dogs) hahahaha the shit I think of after the interaction is over :( oh well, practice makes perfect
She said no, and told me what kind of clothing store it was.
She said she was from Ontario, to which I responded, "Ahh, so you're still a Canadian, that means we can be friends" *while giving her a playful nudge*
She laughed, I asked her for her number, to which she used the boyfriend objection.
I gave her another nudge and said: "It can be our secret, don't you like secrets?" *said in a sexy voice*
She said no again, so I let her go.
Got good vibes from her nevertheless.

4. Blonde girls - mid to late twenties

The funniest approach of the day! Hahahaha!

I did glance and smile.
Complimented her blonde hair
Found out that she was just waiting outside this store for her boyfriend to get off work
Found out she was from Finland, lives in the States, and is here for a summer vacation (found out she was here for vacation from cold reading)
Did no deep diving, created no sexual tension, but she offered me her number anyways.
And while I was taking down her number, her boyfriend walked out, and she said to him: "Do you mind if I give him my number?"
and he said: "No"
and I took down her number and I walked away laughing because that was so awkward and I'll probably not get a response from her, but it was still funny, nevertheless.

Notes: Today, I kept my interactions short and to the point. I hardly did any deep-diving, I did more cold reading, and telling the girl about herself. I should've did more deep-diving but I didn't for whatever reason. I also did some touching today which is good, seems like I'm making some progress.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 3

Walked around the street today. Did 7 approaches today.

Did not do very well today. Was not feeling it, and I think my vibes were felt as awkward. I had a small argument with my dad, which I regret, but its in the past now, so whatever. I was also talking to someone today, and he was asking me about myself. Like where I work, what I do for fun, where I go to school. He was boring me to death! Now I realize how boring some of my conversations are. People can talk about their life, but isn't it boring to them? That's why deep diving is good. And I need to work on sexual tension, sexual innuendo, to make the conversation better. Also, I feel adding humor and making girls laugh is good too, it relieves how deep a conversation is (but I guess if you have sexual innuendo, this doesn't really matter? I have to read Chase's article on making girls laugh) Approaching for about a month now, and I have a clear mindset about what my goals are. I made a list of them, but I should focus on one a day or something.

Goals:

Fundamentals such as good posture and a louder, more assertive voice
- it's funny because I always had bad posture for some reason and my mother used to tell me to stand straight all the time, but I never listened to her, so now I have to work on having posture
- draw something on my hand to remind me to stand straight
- chest slightly out, shoulders back, lower back straight instead of hunched back

Reaching "the hook" on most or all women, not only some of them
- focus on deep diving

Sexual tension
- read my post on sexual tension
- things to keep in mind: use sexual innuendo, use touch, use eye contact, tease/neg her, using push/pull like leaning in and leaning back away, think of her naked lying on my bed, think of putting my rock hard dick in her when looking at each other in the eyes

Talking with emotion
- this is important for me too. I feel that I sound very passive and quiet when I talk. I should only sound bored, when the girl is talking about boring stuff. If I'm talking about myself or about something she is talking about that is boring, I should sound slightly bored as well. If im asking questions, I should sound curious because I want to know her and I'm wording the questions good. When I'm relating to her, I think it would be good to show emotion so that she really knows what I mean. It would be good to have emotion when listening and replying to her talking about her emotions, not her work and school, but her actual emotions when doing those things and other things in life. I feel that my voice tone is sometimes boring and passive, so i need to just work on having a louder, more dominant voice, that is commanding but gentle at the same time. When my voice tone is boring and passive, I feel that I am converting my bad vibes to the person I'm talking to, so I really need to work on this.

Locking in
- Asking a girl to stop walking and stand beside a building, while I lean against it
- "Hey, you're really pretty. Can I talk to you? Great, lets just stand right here."

Gaining compliance
- asking her to show me something she's wearing

Eye contact
when speaking - 70 % eye contact on her
when listening - eye contact on her, if she looks away, or isn't looking at you, don't keep eye contact with her
when flirting, framing, saying sexual stuff - eye contact on her, then make contact, or lean in
after having a good conversation - look in each other's eyes for five seconds - creates sexual tension
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 4

Goals for today: All of them! Haha! But focus on always thinking to myself: back straight, back straight, back straight! Shoulders back! Shoulders rocking! Wide walk, like my balls are big! Head up! Head fucking up! Head fucking up! Head fucking up! Chin parallel to the ground! No dragging my feet! Arms swaying! Be slow! Be slow! Be slow! Sexy smile! Sexy smile!

Ok good.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
Did 10+ approaches today. Walked around the beach, then ended up back on the street because I realized I love walking down the street much more. There's grocery stores, coffee stores everywhere.

The first three were complete failures. I opened direct but I didn't sound genuine and I ended up getting bad responses.
The rest I did better, but I could still feel that most of the conversations were awkward. I really need to think of more flirty, sexual things to say. I only had one good conversation today. I started off really bad and not in the mood, but I pushed myself to suck it up and did a bit better after the first three approaches. The key to opening is to sound like you actually mean it! Even if it's not a direct opener, you have to have emotion in your voice. You can't just mumble your opening, which is what I did with the first three approaches. Anyways, I'm going to list two pieces of conversation that I felt were good.

1. Brunette girl - late twenties
Did the "Hey, is this seat taken?" opener
Found how she worked in a bank and was also a receptionist at a massage place.
One part of the conversation where I tried to put in some sexual innuendo...
Me: "Would youuu give me a massageee?" (I leaned in across that table a bit, but I wasn't sitting beside her, so I didn't feel like I got the most out of it)
Her: "Haha, I'm not a masseuse yet."

Another part where I tried to show the "nymph in her"
Me: "So, what is so appealing to you about this occupation? Other than the fact that you can give handsome men massages, of course."
Her: "Haha, it's more than that... *continues speaking*

Felt that she did not follow my flirting and bite back... and she mentioned she had a boyfriend at one point. Fuck them girls and their boyfriends.

2. Blonde girl - mid to late twenties

Pre-opened her with glance and smile
Complimented her pretty face
Me: So, what are you up to today?"
Her: "I'm going to a BBQ"
Me: "Ahhh. Do you like hot dogs?" *leaned in a bit while saying this* (should've said something more along the lines of: "I bet you're going there just for the hot doggggsss" Or "I bet the only reason you're going is because there's going to be a lot of HOT DOGS there"
Her: *smiled* "Yes..."
Proceeded to talk about work, deep dived a bit
Her: "So what do YOU do?"
Me: "Ohhh, I just walk around talking to beautiful women all day."
Her: *laughs*
Me: "No, I work at White Spot actually. Just down there." *points back where White Spot is*
Her: "Cool. What do you do there?"
Me: "Oh, I work in the back. I do a bit of cooking, a bit of dish washing. So most of the time, I'm just running around helping out everyone."
Her: "I bet it gets hot in there."
Me: "Yeah, but what's not to like about being all hot and sweaty." (said in the sexiest voice I could muster, I should've pictured her naked or something but I was too "in the moment", I also nudged her and leaned in a bit)
Her: *laughs*
Me: "Yeah, no it's really bad, there's like one fan on each side of the line, and it blows all the hot air into the middle, so the people in the middle get fucked." (returning to normal banter after sexual comment)
Her: "Haha that's horrible"
Me: "And the manager is always running around pulling her hair out" *give her a nudge because she's a restaurant manager lol*
Her: *laughs more*
Her: "Well, I gotta go across the street this way." (her trying to tell me bye bye)
Me: "What's your schedule for the upcoming week? We should definately get together for a coffee."
Her: "I'm pretty busy with work"
Me: "I'm pretty busy with work too. Maybe we could find 20 minutes."
Her: "Nah, my boyfriend wouldn't approve of that."
Me: "He won't have to know. It'll be our secret."
Her: *laughs* "That's not a good idea. I'm sure we'll see each other on the street again."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure we won't. I believe there are moments in life where you just gotta grasp and I think this is one of those moments."
Her: "Aw, that's sweet. But I can't, nice meeting you, bye."
She walks into the liquor store.
Fuck me for not getting her to stop.... oh well... practice makes perfect
I did pretty good with persistence, nudging, sexual innuendo, but didn't get the date.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 5

Did 5 approaches today. 3 of them I got blown off right after opening. The other two didn't go so well either, but at least I got the girls to talk.

1. Blonde girl - mid twenties
There were two parts where I tried to build sexual tension, but to no avail...
She mentioned she worked at London Drugs and was a customer service specialist or something and I replied to this by saying: "I bet you specialize in other things too" (said with a sexy voice and a nudge on her upper arm)
Her: "Like what?"
Me: "Remind me to tell you sometime." (said with a smile)
Then she asked me what I do
Me: "I work at White Spot, just down there." *points down the street*
Her: "Oh cool, are you a server?"
Me: "No, I actually work in the back, helping the cooks, where it's all sweattyyyy and hottt" (said with a sexy voice and another nudge on her upper arm)
She didn't reply well to this either, so I just let her go.

I really need to work on locking in. I always get so "in the moment" that I always forget to tell the girl to stop.
I felt really tired all through this week and I feel that I did better approaching last week. I feel disappointed and frustrated, but I know that I'm never going to give up. Next week will be better, I know it.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 11

Did 7 approaches today. Walked around a street close to the beach, so it was pretty nice and everyone was all cheerful. I felt I gained my confidence back, last week my confidence was dwindling. I'm still working on constructing my sexual vibe, and just having a good vibe in general. Today, I felt that I did pretty good with facial expressions and I also remembered to try to lock in, but to no success. Only one conversation is worth writing down.

1. Blonde girl - mid - late twenties

Me: "Quick question... What do you think... is the best way to approach someone... say *put hands on chin to pretend thinking* in a clothing store, that you really want to get to know."
Her: *smiles* "Uh, I don't know"
Me: "Hi, I'm ____"
*shake her hand, meet her*
Me: "So, shopping I see. Got a special someone you are trying to impress?" (said with a smile and a nudge on the upper arm) - trying to frame her as a girl who chases guys
Her: "No, actually, there's a wedding I'm going to. Can't decide what to wear."
Me: "How about...wear nothing?"
Her: "Haha, yeah, I think I'd upstage the bride."
Me: "Yeah, totally. The groom would probably fall for you instead."
Me: "So, who's wedding is it?"
Her: "Oh, my boyfriends *something something something*"
Me: "Wow, what a family huh?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "What do you think of the bride?"
Her: "I actually haven't met her yet."
Me: "What? Hahaha"

Tried to close but she said she had a boyfriend. I persisted with "it can be our secret," said with a nudge and smile, but to no avail.

Note:
After I opened a girl on the street today. I would be like: "I hope you don't mind if I stop you for a bit."
To which a girl would give an excuse and continue walking.
So tomorrow, I'm going to say something like: "Let's just stop for a minute. I really want to talk to you."
OR
"You seem like a really interesting girl. Let's stop here for a minute. I want to get to know you."
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 12

Walked down the street once again today. Did around 7 approaches. Most of them I started off with the "Are you single?" question. All the girls said no, to which I responded, "Whatever, I can still talk to you". It was funny because when I said that, most girls were like "that's true..."
Anyways, I got rejected by everyone I talked to again. But it's all good, because all I have to do is keep trying, and working on my specific goals. The funniest thing that happened today was, I was walking down the street and this crazy hobo comes up to me and starts yelling at the top of his voice: "You fucking nigger! You fucking nigger!" And I was in a good mood and wanted to have some fun, so I responded to him: "But I'm not a nigger." And then he started calling me a chink, which made me laugh, because I am Asian. To rephrase, he called me a "fucking nigga chink." Anyways, after this happened, I looked beside me into a candy store, where a good looking blonde was working and looking at what was going on. So I decided to walk in and use the hobo as a situational opener. There was also another woman in the store, buying candy. So I had a conversation with the blonde girl but I could tell she wasn't interested. When the older woman came to pay for the candy, I asked her: "ever see any crazy hobos often?" We talked for a minute. Then she left. I left shortly after her, and we met at the street corner again. I wasn't interested in her because she was clearly waaayyy older than me. I was looking down the street, when she opened me. She said: "not looking for that hobo are you?" I responded: "stop reading my mind." She laughed and I walked with her for quite a while. I did a lot of teasing and nudging, like calling her an oldie. She liked the teasing because she was laughing. I deep dived and she pretty much told me all about her entire life in like 10 minutes. I could've probably gotten her number but she said she was 41, and had children, so.... yeah...
Anyways, that was the most interesting conversation I had the entire day. The other girls I opened either rejected me after the opener or talked to me for a few minutes and went their way.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
281
Was just thinking about stuff today.

First, I was thinking about the conversation with the 41 year old. I was thinking about the law of least effort. I didn't even mean to meet her. I mean, I wasn't at all interested in her. But, it turned out that she told me a lot about herself. I must've seemed bored or effortless. I was also teasing her a lot and not really caring. For example, I teased her because it was Friday night and all she was doing was taking her son to a church BBQ, I teased her about being 'old', I teased her about being a goody two shoe. It sort of put the social pressure on her, and investment towards me. I also touched her a lot. Whenever I made fun of her, I would nudge her, then I touched her tattoo when I asked about it, and I also did some accidental touch. I wish I could have more conversations like this with hot girls. I feel I really need to work on my opener. No matter what opener I use, most girls don't open up. I've been trying to sound more sincere with my direct openers. With the "Are you single?" opener, I need to work on my skeptical face and cock my head back, and also a loud, masculine voice. Sometimes I feel girls aren't taking me seriously. They'll look at me like, awh isn't he cute? Or they'll be happy I gave them a compliment, then say they have a boyfriend. They just won't seem to be interested in me. So my goals in order now are...

1. Walk
2. Facial expressions
3. Opener
4. Locking in
5. Strong, sexy eye contact
6. Reaching the hook
7. Gaining investment
8. Touch that is not awkward/feel forced
9. Talking with emotion but also sounding bored if the girl talks about boring stuff
10. Creating sexual tension

I was at work today and there, I was thinking about frames and beating other people's frames. I went really baked and every time I walked, I would really focus on my walk. It was funny because I was at work and was just taking my sweet ass time. Another thing is that I would try to have people look me in the eye or acknowledge me before I look in their eye and acknowledge them. It just feels like I have the power when people look at me first. There was this girl I like working and this is how our conversation went...

Her: "Look who it is."
Me: "Looookkk who iiiitttttt iiisssss." *said real slow*
Her: *smiles* "Do you remember my name?"
Me: "Ummmm, C...H...R..." (I know it so it's funny I'm doing this) - I was thinking about it after, and what I should've said was: "Do YOU remember my name?" This puts the social pressure back on her but our dishwasher was listening to the conversation and I didn't think to say that in time.
Her: "You don't remember my name do you? We're not friends anymore!"

I walked away here to go "back to work".

An hour or so later...

Her: "Hey Darren!"
Me: "Hey Christine! So you do know my name!"
Her: "Of course I do! And I just thought you didn't know my name because you were like 'hey...'"
Me: *put my hand on her shoulder* "Well, that doesn't matter because... *take my hand off her shoulder, even though I should've kept it on, it would've made it not awkward at all* we were never friends to begin with."
Her: "So this is how you wanna play?"
Me: *cross my hands, pretend to look like a bouncer looking at her* (good non-verbal communication except I sort of felt like a goof when I did it, should've tried harder to look strict or skeptical)
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Had a funny conversation at work today. Made me think about frame control.

I heard one of my co workers twisted her ankle dancing on grass at a wedding.
So, when she passed by the dish pit where I was washing dishes...

Me: "So who's wedding was it?"
Her: *told me*
Me: "Oh. I bet you twisted your ankle trying to show off your dance moves to some handsome guy".
Her: "Yeah totally. How'd you know?"
Me: "Ohhh, it's pretty obvious." (should've added something like: "You seem like the kind." OR "If there's a handsome guy, of course you're gonna ask him to dance")
Her: "It was horrible."
Me: "I bet you have some awesome dance moves."
Her: "The craziest dance moves ever." (sounded sarcastic)

Then one of the cooks (his name is Gerald) came into the dish area and said: "Hey Heather, you know Darren hates you right?"
Her: *looks at me* "No, he doesn't. We're friends right Darren?"
Me: "Hmmmmmm....."
Her: "WHAT? Ok, we're not friends any more."
Me: "It's okay Heather, I'm not friends with Gerald either."
Gerald walks away.
Her: "I thought we were homies Darren."
Me: "Well that depends..."
Her: "Depends on what?"
Me: "Remind me to tell you sometime."
Her: "Remind you to tell me what?"
Me: "You know...What would make us homies."
Her: "Well, you have to tell me."
Me: "And why would I do that?"
Her: "Well, you aren't doing anything but washing dishes. So you have no choice but to tell me."
Me: "Well you aren't doing anything but changing garbage bags."
Her: "Touche!"

Hahaha it's funny because I totally beat her frame here. I never told her what was on my mind. After all, I wouldn't have said: "We'd be homies if we fucked!" even though that was what I was thinking. But now that I think of it, I should've said something like: "I can't tell you, someone might overhear us." Hahaha that would be really funny too. Then she would KNOW what I meant. Also, during this whole conversation, I was washing dishes and she was changing garbage bags, so there was no eye contact really, which I suppose is good because Chase said that at work, the girl should wonder whether you're flirting with her or not. That's why it might have been a good idea not to say: "I can't tell you, someone might overhear us." Anyway, this was just on my mind today, and I definitely had to write it down.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
281
July 17

Today I did 13 approaches but got blown off on almost all of them after the opener.

So the biggest goal for me now is to work on my opener. The problem is that I don't really know exactly what is wrong with my openers. It's probably got something to do with my body language too. These are the two biggest things I need to work on. So far, I have been writing mostly only the good parts of the good conversations. However, I'm going to write everything I can remember from today and make some educated thoughts on what I think I did wrong.

1. Brunette teen walking her dog

Sort of followed her into an alleyway and she must have seen me from the corner of her eyes. Must've thought I was a creep because I was following her, trying to walk up so I could open her. As she was walking back to her apartment, I said from behind her: "Excuse me." She looked at me and I sort of got nervous at that moment. I said: "I was just wondering..." really passively. She looked at me and said: "Can you go away?" So I walked away.

What went wrong?
- She caught me following her, trying to catch up. Must've thought I was a creepy guy. This also breaks the law of least effort.
- I got nervous and talked extremely passively and did not demand compliance with the tone of voice.

2. Brunette in a stunning black and green dress

Walked right past her without looking at her (but I knew from a glimpse she was hot)
Right as she passed me, I turned around and asked: "Quick question. Are you single?"
I cocked my head back and tried my best to squint my eyes and raise my eyebrows to look sceptical.
She said no. Then she said she had to go.
I said: "Just two minutes."
She said ok and started walking.
I walked with her and asked what she was up to.
She said going to a friends house to make food and hang out.
I asked her whether she was from Vancouver or hailed from elsewhere.
She said she was from Sweden.
I asked her how she liked Vancouver compared to Sweden.
She said she liked the scenery, the people...
I interrupted her when she said this and said: "And I bet you love all the men. All the handsome men." I gave her a nudge when I said this.
She was like: "Yeah" with a small laugh. Then she tried to go back to talking "normal".
I asked her about work but could tell she wasn't interested and I didn't do a good enough job with the opener, so I let her go.

What went wrong?
- no pre-opening.
- I don't really know what I did wrong with saying the actual opener. But I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I haven't gotten any results yet. Maybe I just need to look more sceptical and sound more demanding. In high school, people would always tell me I had a high sounding voice. So I need to somehow lower my voice. But I don't know how.

3. Blonde in a summer dress

I met her waiting to cross the street. She was smiling, so I said with a smile: "Looking quite optimistic."
She said yeah, "I'm actually looking at some quite funny photos."
"Oh that's cool," I replied.
"My name's Darren by the way."
She introduced herself and said she had a bus to catch. So I let her go, should've persisted to get her to stay but I decided against it.

What went wrong?
- no pre-opening.
- introduced myself too quickly? Killing off intrigue?

4. Brunette in coffee store

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
"No."
"Great, because I hate sitting alone..."
"Pardon?"
"Great, because I hate sitting alone."
(Screwed up here for sounding too passive, she couldn't hear me. There was a person next to me and I didn't want social pressure)
Had a normal conversation with her about work.
She said she was in Surrey working most of the time, so it's rare she gets to come here and see friends.
I said something like: "Well, all you need is handsome guys. With that, you don't really need friends." (I'm pretty sure I said it similar to that)
Said better: "Pfffttt, who needs friends when you have handsome guys to be around."
I tried to close but she said she had a boyfriend.

What went wrong?

- no pre-opening
- sounded passive on opener

5. Brunette in bank

She was looking at an atm and didn't see me even when I stood beside her. So I pre-opened her with lingering touch and that might've shocked her because she did not see me before.
"Quick question. What do you think is the best thing to say to someone *pause and look around me* in a bank, that you really want to meet?"
She said something like: "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now."

What went wrong?

- pre-opening might've shocked her
- opener might've sounded too polished?

6. Blonde in black

She was about to walk into work right as I caught up to her, so I yelled from a couple metres away: "Quick question, are you single?"
She said no.
I said: "Whatever, I can still talk to you."
She said: "I can't, I got to get back to work."
She smiled, so I persisted: "Just two minutes."
"No, I've been gone for a really long time already."

What went wrong?

- broke the law of least effort
- no pre-opening

7. Teen brunette

Pre-opened her with lingering touch
Complimented her but when I saw her face, she wasn't that pretty, so the compliment didn't sound that sincere. I did compliment her on her fashion though, not her face. I think I said: "I just saw you walking here. *pause* And I just had to say *pause* that I really like your sense of fashion." (I said the last part like a friend, with a high pitched voice, not a sexy man)
A sexy man would say: "that I reallyyyy like your sense of style"
Asked about work. She said restaurant. I said that I can see why. High-scale restaurants (like the one she worked at) usually hire the most beautiful servers only. Then she said that this was her stop. I tried to close. Rejected.

What went wrong?

- not a genuine enough compliment
- compliment not said in a sexy tone of voice
- only thought of her as beautiful, not caring about her personality. Maybe also was overly aggressive by saying that?

8. Brunette in black

Pre-opened her with lingering touch
Asked if she was single
She said no.
I didn't say anything for two or three seconds.
I said: "Whatever. I don't care if you have a boyfriend. I can still talk to you." (said in a monotone tone)
She said: "Good thing this is where I live."

What went wrong:

- the long pause after she said no showed shock and nervousness, just for a second

9. Brunette with book

Followed her into an alleyway
She noticed me, so I said: "Quick question."
"What?"
"Are you single?"
"No."
Asked if she worked. She said something then she disappeared into her apartment. I persisted by saying: "Stay for 2 minutes." But that didn't work.

10. Brunette in black dress

Walked by her. she looked at me, then I looked at her. Should've looked away and smiled. But when I locked into her eyes, I just started my opener.
Complimented her dress. I bet it didn't sound genuine because she wasn't hot at all close up.
She said she was from Saskatchewan. I said: "Oh you're Canadian. That means we can still be friends." *gave her a nudge*
Convo got awkward quickly, so she said bye.

What went wrong?

- compliment not genuine sounding?
- convo had no deep diving

11. Brunette in sunglasses

She walked right by me on the street. I turned around and said: "Quick question." This shocked her. Because the voice came from behind.
And maybe I sounded demanding? That's good lol.
She said she wasn't single and she had to get to work.
I said stay two minutes. She said she couldn't.

What went wrong?

- opened from behind

12. Blonde in book store

Sort of followed her a bit. Tried to open her when she was alone.
When she was alone I said: "What do you think is the best thing to say to someone, say, *pause* in a book store, that you really want to get to know."
She smiled when I said this and said: "I don't know."
I said: "Cmon. You must have sommee idea. There must've been one point in your life where you saw a really handsome guy and thought to yourself 'I want to talk to this guy'."
She chuckled a bit.
I gave her a playful shove and said: "Cmonn. How about a hi?"
She was like: "Sure"
I said: "Hi. I'm Darren."
We shook hands. I asked about work and deep dived. But she didn't bite on the questions. She just responded with weak answers. Tried to close. Rejected

What went wrong?

- broke law of least effort by sort of stalking her
- no pre-opening

13. Brunette selling flowers

Me: "Are you selling these flowers?" - should've sounded more sexy: "Are youuu sellinnggg these flowers?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "I bet guys would be more interested in you then the flowers."
Her: *awkward chuckle* "Thanks."
Asked her how she got into selling flowers
She said craigslist
Pretty boring conversation

What did I do wrong?

- no pre-opening
- boring conversation about work, I bet she didn't want to talk about work at work
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
July 18

Did 12 - 14 approaches today. Really tried to work on my opener and also remembering to have a straight back.

a. I asked someone to criticize me on my posture today and the person said that I just need to strengthen my lower back because that is the main problem. I need to worry less about moving my shoulders back because it makes me look tense. So right now I am trying to always remember to flex my lower back and relax my upper body (shoulders not pushed back but not slumped forward either) while raising my chest a tiny bit.

b. Once I get this, and remember to do this all the time, I will then also focus on finding the appropriate amount of swagger when it comes to rocking my shoulders. I remember when I talked to that girl who complimented me on my game, I walked up to her with an air of confidence and while talking to her I was really focusing on rocking my shoulders. I want to perfect my shoulder rocking so it doesn't look too "forced" or too "gangster".

c. Then once I remember all of the above all the time, I will then attempt to always remember to walk with my thighs spaced apart. I thought this meant walking like a duck, feet facing a bit sidewards but that is not it. Feet should be straight and I should only focus on separating my upper thighs from each other. To me, it doesn't seem like much difference compared to when I walk normally with thighs brushing, but I can't really see myself so its best to just do it!

d. My chin is always parallel to the ground and my arms are always swaying. Don't need to worry about these two much.

I have to walk sexy EVERYWHERE I go. Not only when I'm out approaching. Cause who know's when you're gonna bump into a hot girl? Plus, I need to do it so it gets permanently imprinted in my brain. Then, perfect posture all the time :)

Now to the actual approaches...

1. Asian with lightly dyed hair

Was walking towards a woman to talk to her. Looked behind me to see if anyone was near. There was an Asian chick. She was walking FAST. She walked by me. I hesitated. Should I approach? She was pretty far now. I ran towards her. She heard me and saw me. I did the "Are you single?" opener. Answer: no. Whatever I can still talk to you. Sorry I can't, I'm already late for work. Just two minutes. Sorry, bye. Disappeared through the door.

What went wrong?

- no pre-opening
- broke the law of least effort
- knowing she saw me, that made my opener sound/look weak

2. Asian in book store

Was checking out this Asian/sort of following her around the book store until she was alone. She went outside so I took my chance then. I asked her what she thought was the best way to approach someone. Said this with a lot of pauses as I usually do. I always say this opener with a lot of pauses and also in a very curious/intriguing/thinking sort of voice. Sometimes, I wonder if this seems too rehearsed? Could tell she couldn't speak English well. She said she had to do something but I persisted, said "just two minutes, it won't trouble you". She stayed. I leant against a post box or something. Asked her about her home town and thoughts on Vancouver. Asked about work. Boring conversation. Let her go.

What went wrong?

- no pre-opening
- probably saw me "stalking" her
- conversation with a foreigner should be based on facial expressions

3. Brunette - late twenties to early thirties?

Pre opened with lingering touch. Complimented her on her dress. Tried my best to make it sound sincere and sexy. "...and I just HAD to say, *pause* I reallyyy like your dress (last part said slowly, sexually)
She said she was sick of Vancouver. So I asked her where she wanted to move if she could live anywhere in the world. She said New York. I complimented New York. Said it probably must feel like being in a movie being there. She said New York would have way more people, unlike Vancouver. Should've asked her what's stopping her from moving. Should've said: "yeah you know what more people means? More mennnn."
Tried to close. No dice. Persisted. No dice.

What went wrong?

- no locking in
- not enough deep diving
- no frame chasing
- no sexual tension
- tried to close too early, and on a low point

4. Brunette in green with sunglasses

Best approach of the day. I was waiting behind her on the street corner. She saw me. I ddin't want to approach because she waved across the street to a guy she knew. She crossed the street. Greeted and hugged the guy. Then continued walking. So I lingering touched her. Complimented her. "I just saw you walking here, and I just HAD to say, *pause* that you're the prettiest girl I've seen all day." Doh! Too rehearsed! But she was the prettiest girl I've seen so far lol. Can't use that line ever again! Ever!
What's a pretty girl like you doing all by yourself?
Ohhh, just going to work.
Not seducing guys? (shouldn't have asked, should've said!)
*she laughs* No, I've had enough of that. Trust me.
What??? Bullshit!
Yep, it's true.
I don't believe you.
*she laughs, I continue* What's work?
Oh I work at this restaurant and this restaurant (I can't remember what restaurants they were, but she told me).
So, you like to stay busy huh?
Yeah.
Making all the *rubs finger and thumb together to represent money*
*laughs* Yeah
So, if you're working all the time, how do you keep your life from getting too boring?
I don't work all the time. Like yesterday, I went lawn bowling.
Drunkkkk? *said with a knowing smile*
*smile* Yeah, you can't do that sober, it would be boring!
So, could you imagine yourself working in a restaurant your entire life?
No!
Then let me ask you this, if you could have any job you wanted to without having to worry about *rubs finger and thumb together* what would you do?
Be an astronaut of course!
That would be awesome! Traveller of time and space! Who would not want to do that?
*she laughs*
But...(should've changed tone even more dramatically, like from funny to REALLY serious) do you know how hard it is to brush your teeth in space? (should've added more pauses, to make it dramatic in a playful way)
Hmph. I'll manage.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex in space? (should've done more pauses here too) How could you survive?
I guess I'd have to bring my boyfriend up.
This took me by surprise. Having a good conversation and she does this to me. So, she could tell I was shook for literally one second. Then I recovered. But not well. I just tried to close. But no dice. Persisted. No dice. Fine :(
I should've said: "He would hate you for that!"
But fuck me :( Couldn't think of that in the heat of the moment

What went wrong?

- too rehearsed opener (she was expecting the compliment before I even said it, she was smiling, so I could tell she was expecting it)
- law of least effort broken
- tone of voice and pauses could've been executed better
- she won the frame battle! :( Couldn't get her to admit to liking sex with guys
- made her laugh a lot, reduced too much sexual tension

What went well?

- pre-opened
- set a frame even though I lost it
- had good humour

I'm going to write the rest of the approaches tomorrow.
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
281
5. Blonde wearing sunglasses

Was going to approach her on the street corner. But there were people around. So I stood beside her for a while until everyone crossed. Then I lagged behind her till she was alone. Then I lingering touched her and did an indirect opener. Asked her what would be the best way to approach someone on the street you really wanted to get to know.
She smiled and said she had a boyfriend but that was a nice try.
I said: "whatever I can still talk to you". I could tell I already screwed up so I just asked her what she thought about my opener. "I was just starting getting into this..."
"Vancouver dating scene?"
"Yes, but more like day game."
"Day game? *laughs* Oh no."
"But seriously, what did you think about my opener? Did it sound too rehearsed?"
"Sort of."
"So, what should I do to make it better? Honest question."
"I don't know. I've had the same boyfriend for 4 years so I can't really give you any advice."
"But you must have some idea. I mean even though you have a boyfriend you must do things to impress him sometimes right?"
"Yeah."
"So how should I make my opener better? Make it more simpler?"
"Yeah, I guess. Say something like: "Hi, how are you?"
I thanked her and made my farewell.

What went wrong?

- she saw me before, so she knew I hesitated
- opener sounded too rehearsed

6. Brunette

Lingering touch. Then asked if she was single.
"No."
"Whatever, I can still talk to you."
"Do you work?"
"Yes, in a restaurant."
"So, if you work a lot, how do you keep your life from getting too stale?"
"My life is pretty stale..." (see the transition? I asked about work FIRST, then asked how she kept her life from getting too stale AFTER) - the result? a hot girl telling me her life WAS stale. Pretty crazy.
"I bet you're just waiting for some mysterious, handsome gentleman to take you and sweep you off your feet" (I said this really passively because I knew she had a boyfriend already) - not good
"I already have."
"So...could you imagine working in a restaurant for the rest of your life?"
"No!"
"Haha, you said that with such hate! Fuck no!"
"Let me ask you this, if you could have any job you wanted to have without having to worry about money, what would it be?"
"A med nurse."
"What exactly is that?"
"I would help deliver babies"
"Hmmm... I could see why you would want to deliver babies" *nudge her on the upper arm* (tried to set a frame here but she ignored it)
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Do you go to school?"
"Yeah, I go to school in the fall. Langara."
"And what do you want to do?"
"Umm. That's a good question. English really fascinates me so I'm thinking of doing something related to that. What about you? Do you go to school?"
"I finished school."
"What do you have to do to become a med nurse?"
"You have to get a bachelor's which takes 4 years"
"Cool. Hey, lets stop here and talk."
"I can't, I gotta get going."
"Just two minutes, that's all."
"I can't."
She walked away.

What went wrong?

- not enough deep diving?
- no sexual tension or frame setting

Blonde with black glasses

The second best approach of the day. This girl worked at the book store.
Lingering touch
"What do you think *pause* is the best way to approach someone *pause* say, *look upwards at the ceiling, should've looked around me instead* in a book store, that you really want to get to know?"
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
281
"Umm...I don't know the answer to that... Do you need help with anything?"
"Cmonn. There has to have been at least one time in your life where you saw a really handsome man and thought to yourself, 'wow, I should approach him, what should I say?'"
"Umm... I don't know, say hi?"
"hi, I''m Darren"
*laughs*"I'm alysha"
Asked about work. How did she get hired here and such...
I said something like: "Yeah, the hiring process here is online, you can't just walk in, show off your beautiful face and get hired." (doesn't have any frame so maybe not a good thing to say?)
She laughs
Then the conversation went to school...
She said she was studying English in university
Me: "Doing what you love huh?" (cause she also works in book store)
"Yeah. I have to write a lot of stuff."
Me: "Yeah, just make sure not to write too many stories about handsome, mysterious men in it. Your professor might not appreciate it." (said something along the lines of this)
She laughs.
I try to close.
Boyfriend objection.
Persist once...
Persist twice
Still no...

What went wrong?

- rehearsed sounding opener?

What went well?

- framed her well

8. Girl in polka dot blouse

Pre-touch
"Hi, I just saw you walking here and I just haadd to say that... I really like your top."
"Thanks."
"The polka dots." *smiles* (said passivley)
Then she bumps into someone she sees and they get into a conversation so I just keep on walking. Whatever, there's more girls out there, way more.

What went wrong?

- not genuine enough sounding opener, I thought she was hot, regardless of what she would be wearing - maybe compliment a girl's face the next time, because that's what I care about most :)
- passive sentence after the opener - weaakk shit brah

9. Blonde girl

No pre-open
Are you single?
No
Whatever I can still talk to you
What are you up to today? Other than seducing guys.
She laughs
Going to shoppers over there
Ahh... the boring stuff. Let's stop here and talk
I have to go
Just two minutes, you seem like a really interesting girl
What do you want to know?
Do you work?
Yes, I follow people around while they shop. (something like that)
So, that's where you get the *hold my palms out pointing fingers at her*
She laughs
"The whole style from" (shouldn't have said this! Actions are stronger than words!)
She starts walking away
"I can't believe your gonna walk away." *take a few steps towards her*
"Okay, now you're just being creepy"
I walk away

What went wrong?

- no pre-open
- creepy guy
- no sexual tension
- too strong on the approach?

10. Blonde

Lingering touch
Are you single opener
No
Whatever we can still talk
Complimented her
Tried to stop her
She said she had to go, she was in a hurry. She said she was flattered.
Let her go... :(
Shouldn't have

11. Brunette

Saw this girl
There was a guy shopping near her
So I left her
Saw her again 5 minutes later
She was on the phone
So I waited like a creep nearby
Finally approached her when she got off the phone
Indirect direct opener
The same indirect direct opener I always use...
She said she didn't know, so I said to her the same shit I said to the blonde at the book store (this includes chase framing)
She laughs
Shake her hand. Meet her
Look over to some hot dog buns, take them and say to her: "You should buy these ones. They look like dicks." (should've said: You're obviously gonna buy these ones, they look like dicks. Then put the buns in her basket)
She laughs
Try to close
Boyfriend objection
Persist once
Persist twice
:(
 

ProblemSolving

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
467
Hey Dern!

A few things that will help.

If a girl is walking, get her to stop with, "Hey! Hold up for a sec." Once she's stopped and you have her attention, "Are you single?" Introduce yourself, find out what she's up to, banter, and number close.

If a women is already stopped, use a situational opener. It doesn't have to be clever, just get her talking and compliment her at some point.

Get rid of the opinion opener. Women can sense you're beating around the bush and it sounds weak.

Ease off on the chase frames. They are not needed during the approach. Use them sparingly on the first date. The reason for this is simple. When you approach, there's really no hiding the fact that you "started" the chase. You are the one that put in the initial effort. Once you're on a date with a girl, then setting chase frames becomes much more natural. After all, she did take time and effort to come see you.

Remember DO NOT CHASE women. That means physically too. Women are like cats - the minute you start chasing, they start running. If a woman tries to leave, you can attempt to stop her with your voice, but don't follow her.

Good Luck!
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
Thank's man! I really appreciate the comment. It really gets me thinking, which leads me to today's post...

July 22

Did around 10 approaches today. Not going to write all of them as usual because this takes like hours. I'm just going to write about the ones that stand out most to me and which I see as the one's where what I did wrong was evident.

1. Blonde girl in book store

Glance and smile
I used the indirect direct opener - what do you think is the best way to approach someone in a book store that you really want to get to know?
She laughed and said "I don't know"
I said how about hi?
I introduced myself
We started talking.
I said what are you up to today, other than trying to seduce men?
She laughed and said: "yeah... in chapters..."
Me: "You naughty girl"
She laughed
Asked about work and school
She told me where she worked
"Could you imagine yourself working there forever?"
"No, that's why im in school."
"What do you study in school?"
Told me
"What do you like so much about fashion and business?" - deep diving
"Well, I hate business, I'm just doing it so I can get a job easier." - and she also told me why she liked fashion, but I forget now... lol!
"Well, that explains your _______" *hold out both my palms, like i'm presenting her*
She laughs
Her: "Ohh, stop it." - I was teasing her about boys too much
I tried to close, asked her what her schedule was like..
She said it was her birthday week, so it was pretty free
"Just give me your number and we can figure something out"
"Okay"
"Ready when you are"
She gave me her number and I walked away, just as her dad arrived... hahahaha.

At one point, she mentioned she was here with her dad, she celebrated her birthday last night and today was her hangover day.
Me: "Wheres your dad? I bet he'd kill me... But I know you'd stop him."
Her: "Ummm. I don't know about that..."

What went wrong?

- too much chase framing - it's not good to force a frame!
- shouldn't have said the last part? About her dad killing me?

Note: The conversation felt sort of awkward... i don't know if this was really sexual tension or just awkwardness? Whatever, I will find out by whether she responds when I call her.

2. Red/brunette girl in book store

Glance and smile
Used the same indirect direct opener as above.
She responded: "Like this...?" She laughed
Asked her what she was up to today, other than trying to seduce men
She laughed and said she was trying to find a wedding present.
I said: "I bet you're gonna pick the one with the handsome, mysterious guys"
She laughed and said she had a boyfriend.
"I said, whatever, I can still talk to you."
Asked who's wedding it was.
She said her brother.
I asked her what she thought of the girl he was marrying (should've said something like: "Are you jealous your brother is getting married before you? in a sceptical face and voice, then wait for her response, then say: "Great, because I think jealousy ruins everything."
She said, "I like her."
Tried to close, denied. Persisted a couple times. Denied.

What went wrong today?

- like ProblemSolving said: I must ease off on the chase frames. I agree. Sometimes I feel like they are forced, and this is bad.
- must really work on just trying to have a normal conversation and not be too overly aggressive... like today, a worker at the book store asked me if I was looking for anything in particular? I said: "You!" This caught her by surprise and she immediately labelled me as a creepy guy. Nothing I said after that made her want to talk to me."
- if I cannot be overly too aggressive, I must just work on having a slowwwww, sexy voice. Remember: talk slow with lots of pauses.
- cannot be the creepy guy: today a lot of women might've noticed me from their peripheral vision - I must stay where they can't see me or something then approach her like I came out of nowhere. Or just not "notice" her when she looks at me. But if she is stationary, like in a book store, I must pretend like I'm looking at stuff, then pretend to "notice her". Like today, with the girl in the book store, I was pretending to look at cups and stuff near her, then I went up beside her and looked at books beside her for a few seconds, did glance and smile, and opened her. Dunno, if I should pretend to look at stuff where she can see me or if I should look at stuff far away from her? Lol maybe, far away from her like in Chase's example in one of his Spezzetura articles.
- gonna take the advice and try to open with: "Hey! Hold up for a sec." - Usually I say: "Quick question." But this should me said with in a more demanding tone. I say this like a pussy. Like: "quick question...." I should say: "Quick question!" with a bit more force but not too much force. Don't want to sound like a dick, but don't want to sound like a passive, monotone guy like what I do now.
- I usually don't use an opinion opener, unless you mean when I ask women how they like to be approached. That's like indirect direct/ opinion? But I should ease off on the clever indirect openers as well I feel. Just start off, with: "Hi, how are you? What are you up to today?"
- must persist and persist and persist in a cool tone of voice with the last word raised in a higher tone of voice like a question
- DO NOT CHASE WOMEN PHYSICALLY - if she doesn't want to stop, don't follow her and keep asking, just stop and keep asking.
 

ProblemSolving

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
467
D,

All your hard work will pay off soon enough, you just have to make a few tweaks to your process.

First, please stop using that, "What do you think is the best way to approach someone that you want know?" line. It just screams weakness. You might as well be telling her, "I'm not very good with women, have any advice?" Women want to be with a man that ALREADY knows how to approach and get with women, not a clueless dolt.

Second, at a bookstore there is no need to go direct. Much smoother to simply stand next to her and ask, "Have you read any good books lately?" or, like Chase recommended, "Do you know where the equestrian sports section is?" Once you've got her talking, compliment her, so she knows you're interested.

Your chase frames are pretty clunky. Just have a normal conversation with her. Be warm, be empowering and non-judgmental.

Good job on not ASKING for the number. You'll have much more success with commands like," Put your number in my phone", or like you used, " Just give me your number and we'll figure something out ".
 

Dern

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 11, 2013
Messages
281
Thanks ProblemSolving.

It makes me happy to see that there are helpful people in the world still - we are both strangers to each other, typing at different computers probably miles away, but you have taken the time to read my posts and give me advice. I really appreciate it man.
I looked up what equestrian means and it means: Of or relating to horse riding. That's pretty funny lol.
I wonder if she would know what that means, after all... she is in a book store :p
I tried some of ProblemSolving's advice, which leads to today's post!

July 24

Did around 9 approaches today. Almost all of them were really bad because the opener sucked.

Situations that arise that I don't quite know how to handle...

Taken from Ricardus' article on "Want to Meet a Girl? 16 Tips That Will Make It Easy"

problem: woman and I are walking opposite directions like crossing the street on different sides, so we face each other directly for a moment...
solution - I need to pretend to look at something past her, then when we are a few feet / seconds apart, "notice" her, pivot gracefully, and walk beside her, and pre-open

problem: She’s walking TOWARDS you… and by the time you open your mouth to talk to her, she has already passed you.
solution: You need to start speaking while she’s still a good 20 feet away from you. This gives her time to process the fact that somebody is talking to her, break out of her own internal dialogue, extrovert, focus her attention on you and stop. Then you can do what you would usually do in day game.

problem: woman passes me or I see woman up ahead. I walk fast or sometimes even run quietly to catch up to her but she notices me behind her and maybe labels me as a creepy guy
solution - use solution above when woman passes you. If she sees me when I'm trying to catch up from behind, I'll approach any ways, after all, she won't think I'm actually following her, unless she saw me before.

problem: You catch yourself hovering. Maybe you weren’t sure at first whether you want to approach her or not, or whether the situation is going to allow for it… but she’s already noticed you looking at her and not doing anything. Is it too late now?
solution: It’s still better to do something than to do nothing. Ideally, you want to pace the situation and tell her what was going on in your mind. This is the one time when I’ll actually use the line that has become as common as the “what’s your sign” was in the 70s: “Hey I just saw you from over there and I thought I’d really kick myself if I didn’t come talk to you.”
I don’t usually use that line, I think it’s overused in the dating advice community and I think it’s too apologetic – but if she’s already caught you hovering, this line can make for a good pace.

problem: She’s walking somewhere… and she’s walking fast.
solution: You won’t be able to get all of these girls to stop; if she’s really in a rush she won’t. But, you’re better off trying than not trying. You will have to go direct in this case, as you simply won’t have enough time to mess around with anything else.
Something else you can do is to simply follow her until she stops – unless she disappears into some kind of public transportation, chances are she’s not going far… or else she wouldn’t be walking in the first place, she would be driving.

problem: she’s surrounded by a ton of people – maybe she’s standing on the platform of a train station, or about to buy a subway ticket… or maybe she’s sitting in a coffee shop and there are a lot of people at all the other tables around her.
solution: Go up to her and speak really QUIETLY, so that only she can hear it. Don’t whisper, do speak with confidence… but speak in a very low tone of voice.
You don’t want to draw attention to the pickup, mostly because it can make HER feel uncomfortable… she might blow you out simply because she doesn’t want to feel watched as she’s letting herself get picked up by a stranger.

note: This is hard to do in a coffee store and at a street corner, and social pressure always makes me hesitate. It's easy when she's walking across the street and people are around, it's just when people are stationary and aware.I just need to practice having a LOW tone of voice, I feel my tone of voice right now is quite high and feminine. I need to somehow make it lower - just talk lower! And also I need to think: "These people are just going to think we're friends" (until I give her the handshake...lol)

problem: She’s on a crowded train or bus.
solution: Approaching her right there and then – even if you speak quietly like I suggested above – is going to create a lot of social pressure for both of you… more importantly for her.
It can be done, but it will often make her uncomfortable, and if she doesn’t respond well to your advances, you’re really setting yourself up for an awkward situation.
If you really want to meet a girl in a situation like this, I suggest you wait till her stop and get off the bus or train with her. Then run a direct opener, as discussed above.

problem: You approach her in the street and she’s startled – maybe it’s after dark, or you’re in a side street and there’s nobody around. This is probably going to be most relevant in big cities.
solution: Immediately say: “This is NOT a hold-up.”… hold out your hands and smile. I know… this sounds counter-intuitive. The common advice is that we don’t want to bring up anything that we don’t want on her mind when you want to meet a girl and have it go well.
In this case, however, it’s ALREADY on her mind… and you need to address it fast, or she will be gone.

Wow, what a helpful article!


1. Brunette girl in sunglasses outside coffee store

Me: "Is this seat taken?"
Her:"No"
"Great (ALWAYS PAUSE HERE) because I hate sitting alone" (while holding cup of water)
She smiles (I like this approach, it reeks of confidence) - and no one was around either ;)
Introduce ourselves
This time I ACTUALLY TRIED to have a normal conversation. And it worked! We had a normal conversation. Usually, I'm all creepy and trying to force frames and talk dirty. But this conversation, I hardly moved or stirred. I was still as a rock. And I didn't try to force any frames (well, maybe one). I tried my best not to laugh or chuckle a lot, I tried to just have a slight impish smile or no smile at all. Must remember to talk with emotion as well, use interesting wording.
I asked her what she was reading. She said something. I said, do you like it? And what about it? when she said yes.
She told me that it was about someone who had just graduated college and didn't know what to do with her life. She said it sounded a lot like her. I said it sounded like me a lot too (even though I know what I want to do with my life lol, I just know that it's good to relate)
We talked about snowboarding and I related to her on snowboarding problems.
She said she was a New York native and here because her boyfriend wanted to come here.
Asked her where she would live if she could live anywhere, she said... Vancouver!
She said she was a nanny once and that there were two nice kids she had to take care, but there were also two naughty kids she had to take care of. I asked her: "Do you look at kids and think 'I'm never having them!'"
She said no but she said that her kids would be very nice. (I should've teased here to make the conversation lighter) - maybe said something like: "Ohhhh, I bet you're such a goody two shoe, your children would be the same!" *said with a wink and a smile*
But THEN she said that she would spank her kids one or two times, to get them to behave.
I sort of pretended to chuckle here because it was sort of funny lol. But what I should've done is sort of just sniffled like *hmpp*
I said after the fake chuckle, "I can't believe you said that."
I then leaned across the table and said: "I bet your children would be naughtyy" then I leaned back and said in a more normal, harmless tone of voice: "Because of you spanking them."
She smiled and said, "yeah probably"
*made a mistake here maybe? Tried to force a frame?
Me: "Hey, what's your schedule like for the upcoming week? We should grab a coffee or a bite."
Her: "Yeah sure! I'm busy this weekend, but next week I'm good."
Me: "Great, I don't have a phone right now, so... *take out my wallet and pen* if you could just write down your number on this piece of paper, that would be great"
She did it and said: "Oh yeah, I should probably write down my name too."

What could I have done better?

- not pretended to laugh
- not trying to force the "naughty" frame
- not being judgemental of her wanting to spank her child, after all she was a nanny lol! (all I said was: "I can't believe you said that," I didn't say anything like: "spanking children is horrible! do you know what you could do to a child's future?)
- lightened up the mood with a small joke, eg. "Which is when you went and launched a business selling owls online, right?" (Chase)

One of the goals right now is to stop a girl on the street and have a conversation like this with her. It is easier to reject me and walk away on the street, rather than when you're sitting alone, reading or something. I must just persist, and try to lock in on a high point in the conversation... but maybe it would just be better to introduce myself, then try to lock in and persist at least 4-5 times to get her to stop. "Hey 2 minutes, that's all." "Just stop."
 
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