Moose Goes Forth

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Hi guys,

I’ve posted a few FRs over the last few months but I want to start this journal so I can track my progress/sticking points in a more structured way!

I’m Moose, 26 years old and have only been with a handful of girls over the years. The closest thing I’ve had to a relationship was a FWB I met off tinder for a few months in 2017 and while she was pretty and fun, she was chubby. My fundamentals are pretty decent – for years people have complimented my looks/demeanour and assumed I’ve had girlfriends/ slept with a lot more girls than I have. Sounds great – but this has been the number one source of my depression since it has been a constant reminder that I’ve not been living up to my full potential. The main reasons are that I usually:

1. Am dismissive of the girls who are interested in me that I don’t like.
2. Try to turn things around with girls who are not interested in me at the expense of those who are, because of my ego.
3. Freeze up around girls I really like even if I know they’re interested, because I don’t know what to say/do.

With the end result being that I’ve gotten almost nothing, for years!

Last year I found GC, started to turn things around and got more make outs, numbers and dates than I had in all previous years combined, and my first ONS ever.

This year has been slow since I’ve been constantly moving and I got a new job in a new city and I’ve been working late, but I’ve got a bit more time now so hopefully I can make some more progress and share it with all of you!
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
I've identified the four major sticking points that are currently holding me back:

1. Approach Anxiety:

In clubs, in the street, in cafes. I think the reason I have so much difficulty is that I’m generally uncomfortable when I go out with the intent of talking to women, and as a result they sense this in my closed off body language (and become uncomfortable themselves which never has a good outcome. Then I see they’re uncomfortable, hesitate and don’t approach.

Things to work on to reduce anxiety – posture, open body language, taking up more space. I do this quite well at night in dance venues but not during the day. I also have a resting asshole face. Voice is also generally weak and submissive when I open but gets stronger later.

Eye contact. I had a really great experience at a club last night which I’ll write an FR about regarding eye contact which made it so much easier to approach. But in the street when I try to make eye contact women generally don’t look back or if they do I sort of stare them down without smiling (as a result of being uncomfortable) which probably comes off as creepy. I have to work on that warm inviting smile (I know I’ve got it because I’ve used it at night – just have to find a way to return to that state during the day – making myself comfortable will probably do it!)

Articles to help me out:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/over ... ch-anxiety
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... ty-forever
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... ty-forever

2. Physical Escalation:

This is something I struggle with both at night and on first dates but I think I’m slowly getting better. Again, I had a good experience last night – warm inviting eye contact made it so much easier to get physical.

I’m getting better with dates too. Last year I would generally not make any physical contact until the very end of the date which came as too much of a surprise and a turn off.

Now I’m trying to make more of an effort to touch them throughout the date but it’s still so awkward trying to find an in since they generally seem closed off. See this FR https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=20173 (how do you link it in the text??) for an example of an escalation at home which didn’t really end well. I think in this one it was actually going well but I should have pulled back from the kiss on the couch – instead I went all out and climbed on top of her after previously just massaging her leg…

I had a tinder date on Monday (Going to post a FR about that one too) and made a conscious effort to use more eye contact after the feedback I got on the above FR – but still, even after doing this, when I tried to get closer to her she would inch back. I don’t think I’m projecting enough of a sexual vibe, or I’m coming across as too much of a boyfriend candidate. Something to work on.

Articles to help me out:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/take ... escalation
https://www.girlschase.com/content/esca ... brated-way
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... blic-girls

3. Victim Mentality/Bitterness

This is probably the single biggest factor that has held me back, ever since I was a teenager. And while it has gotten a lot better over the last few years, it’s still something that hits from time to time.

It has mainly resulted from seeing my white friends throughout the years having a much easier time with the girls I wanted and being bitter about it, assuming they didn’t want me because I was brown, and always feeling like a second choice. In retrospect I did have poor fundamentals when I was a teenager, and now that I’ve cleaned myself up, I get the same reactions (not results though!) from women that used to make me jealous when they happened to my friends years ago. I even competed with my friends last year for some girls and while I lost, they did see me as serious competition and if I had moved faster, I could have had them.

Most recently this has been hitting me from online. My friends regularly go out on dates with cute girls from hinge and tinder, and when I sneak a peek at their phones, they have so many matches, while my match rates are abysmal despite getting much better pictures. Racial bias does exist, it makes things harder and even I’ve been guilty of it from time to time but I’m slowly learning to accept what I cannot change and work with it. My biggest challenge is making it not eat away at my confidence.

When I’m getting laid this doesn’t affect me at all, it’s in the long in-between periods that it hurts seeing friends getting the experience and memories I want.

Add to that that I have a pretty dorky name that I’m not really a fan of and is not congruent to my personality at all.

Articles to help me out:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how- ... luck-women
https://www.girlschase.com/content/most ... -be-bitter
https://www.girlschase.com/content/tact ... lplessness

4. Fear of success

I have some insecurities regarding what I can offer a girl even if I get her which contributes to my anxiety. On paper I’m good – I’ve got a good job that pays well, will probably own my own place within the next year or two and know quite a lot about different topics. But of course, after reading this site I know that’s not enough. I’m pretty inexperienced in bed, and since I’ve never had a proper relationship am scared that I wouldn’t really know how to run it properly, she would find out, get disappointed that I’m not who I projected myself to be and leave (I think I’ve already experienced this on a smaller scale with my lack of experience in bed). Hard to shake the feeling that she’s comparing you with all the other guys she’s had and all her previous relationship experience.

This is probably one of the hardest ones to solve, but I know what I have to do even if I might not like it - suck it up and fail.

Moose
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
773
Here are the Field Reports I promised I'd write up:

Eye contact. I had a really great experience at a club last night which I’ll write an FR about regarding eye contact which made it so much easier to approach.

FR here.

Main takeaway: Found a neat mental trick to overcome AA. Imagined myself on my deathbed in 60 years, regretting not taking more chances when I was younger. Offered me a new perspective that what I'm doing now won't be remembered in 60 years or even 10 years so why stress about it? Lesson - find something that scares you more than rejection from a pretty girl. In my case, dying on my own as an old man full of regret and wasted potential, while all my friends and family have large supportive families of their own (they all pretty much are in happy long term relationships already and I'll probably have nieces and nephews next year). I already have so many regrets from my late teens/early 20s so I can't even imagine how much worse it will be.

I should note that last night (Saturday) I tried getting myself in the same mental state but it didn't work quite as well. Girls weren't returning eye contact for the most part (except for one who I danced with). I did run into an old family friend and got the number of one of the girls he was with - I'll write a FR depending on how that turns out. Also today (Sunday), tried getting myself in the same mental state but it didn't really work again. Made one half-assed approach while waiting for lunch but that was it. Chickened out from easy ones where there was no one else around. I feel like masturbating contributed to this (duh). On Friday I hadn't masturbated for four days. But I did masturbate on Saturday morning (I have no self control sometimes) which might have affected the outcome.

I had a tinder date on Monday (Going to post a FR about that one too) and made a conscious effort to use more eye contact after the feedback I got on the above FR – but still, even after doing this, when I tried to get closer to her she would inch back. I don’t think I’m projecting enough of a sexual vibe, or I’m coming across as too much of a boyfriend candidate. Something to work on.

FR here.

3. Victim Mentality/Bitterness

This is probably the single biggest factor that has held me back, ever since I was a teenager. And while it has gotten a lot better over the last few years, it’s still something that hits from time to time.

Have posted a LR- from Thailand a few months ago which shows how bitterness still affects me despite the progress I'm making here.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
773
I'm making myself a pledge, and this journal will hopefully keep me accountable. Starting tomorrow (Monday), I'm going to stop watching porn, and only reward myself with masturbating if I am really horny and have made approaches. And only to my memories. Haven't set myself specific goals yet but that is on the list.

Also, if I chicken out of approaches, I'm going to write down here what the situation was and why I chickened out. They will probably be due to really bullshit reasons. Hopefully the act of seeing the situations written down here will show me how irrational I'm being.

Might as well start now. Yesterday and today I chickened out because (these are all separate situations):

1. There were two guys walking behind her
2. There was another girl walking directly behind me
3. She had headphones on and didn’t return my eye contact
4. She was standing on her own and looked a little distracted so I didn't want to bother her.
5. She was wearing a lot of makeup and looked a bit intimidating.
6. She sat directly in front of me on the train, even though there were other spots available closer to where she got in. She was wearing a nice jacket but there was so many people around that I was unsure of how to engage without looking like a weirdo (she looked very young)

Deathbed me would be proud..
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
773
I did run into an old family friend and got the number of one of the girls he was with - I'll write a FR depending on how that turns out.

This one didn't pan out. I think the reason is I was still essentially a stranger even though she was a friend of my friends and I didn't ask her enough questions or flirt. I didn't talk to her very much that night. After I introduced myself, me and my family friend immediately went for a drink (she grabbed my hand and looked at me flirtatiously when I left). When I came back, I went straight to her and asked her what her name was. The vibe was different though, she didn't seem flirty and seemed surprised I came back. It was a bit strange and I was unsure how to escalate without it being awkward given her vibe, so I ejected and went back to my friend.

Later in the night, she came up to me and said it was nice meeting me but she had to leave. I would have engaged her in conversation more, but she was in a hurry (must have had an uber coming). So I asked her for her number (it was pretty smooth from my perspective). She made fun of my phone a little bit and said I should get an iphone, then asked me where I worked. I didn't ask her many questions which was probably a mistake. After that my family friend joined and they left.

Texted her a few hours later telling her to save my number:

M: Hey X, it's M. It was nice meeting you tonight (even though it was short). Save my number :)

Two days later (would have done it sooner but I was busy:

M: Hey X, how was the rest of your weekend? Did Y (family friend) behave himself on the way home on saturday? Ha. I'll be honest, my sunday was a write off after that night :D. We should grab that bite to eat and a drink sometime this week. What's your schedule looking like?

No response and it's been over a day now. I was surprised at the lack of response but I realize I didn't build enough comfort - I also should have asked more questions so she felt she was qualifying herself to me. I was strong and sociable but perhaps the interaction to her felt a bit impersonal.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
a. The no porn streak has been successful so far. Probably would have broken it if this journal wasn't holding me accountable so that's a positive. So in the last two days I have chickened out because:

1. They were sitting in the airport lounge, but wearing earphones and looked unapproachable. They were also far away so it would have been a huge investment on my part going up to them
2. She sat down at the gate pretty far away from me and there was an empty seat next to her. There were so many people sitting around though and if it didn't go down well, I'd still had to wait at the gate and board the plane with
these people which would have been risky. Again, she was far away so it would have been a huge investment on my part going up to her in front of everyone.
3. She looked distracted and like she was in a hurry going down the stairs when I was going up (should have just tried to see what happened)
4. *walking to the gym in the street tonight*. She was pretty and wasn't wearing headphones and looked approachable, there was no one else around. Tried making eye contact but she didn't return it, so I hesitated and didn't
approach. That was a real failure.

On the plus side, I did later approach a girl in the supermarket later. See the latest post in my supermarket FR

Main lessons: Just because a girl is wearing earphones and doesn't return your eye contact doesn't mean she won't be warm when you engage her. Also, one of the main things I'm scared about when approaching is other people being
around. But in this case it didn't matter and looked like the bystander actually enjoyed overhearing it.

b. Also noticed a pattern of mine. When I go out with the intent of approaching women, and don't make an approach I should have early on in the night/outing, I start mentally beating myself up, and get an offputting demeanor that just makes it even harder to approach, resulting in a downward spiral that lasts for the entire time I'm out. When I make an approach, even if it doesn't go that well, I almost always feel positive that I've taken action at least. I guess this is why warmup approaches are so important. On the flipside though, if I make an approach and the girls response is lukewarm/negative, and then I later see her cosying up with another guy when I haven't made any more progress, that makes me spiral into bitterness quickly.

Solution: Approach early. If you don't and start to get into the offputting state, leave the venue or go somewhere else to compose yourself before coming back.

c. Also, I got a fresh haircut on Friday and noticed the women at work were a lot more friendly today and I was getting a lot of attention (even though they usually are already, I'm one of the few younger guys in the office). But I noticed that I get very uncomfortable when the spotlight is on me.

In fact, I get uncomfortable in general when women show blatant interest in me. Always have - I think it's because I'm not used to it because it happens sporadically, and also I'm usually quite introverted, but when all eyes are on me I feel so much pressure to do and say the right things with the result being I psyche myself out, act weird/shut myself off and women get weirded out/disappointed.

Solution: I need to get used to being in the spotlight and used to leading interactions rather than shying away from them because that is what is being expected of me. I need to always keep my fundamentals in check so that I get used to the attention, rather than the reactions stopping and then me forgetting how to handle them when they come up again.

I also need to get better at conversation in this environment - I don't like talking to the women at work everyday because I'm afraid I'll come across as weird - but that's because I don't usually have much to say to them. If I had something interesting to say to them everyday like some of the older guys at work, talking with them everyday would be seamless, enjoyable and effortless. And it would keep me in a nice sociable state.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
Okay, overall this week was a bit of a fail (and not the good kind, more the lack of action kind), but I still learned some important lessons.

a. Had a first date on Thursday with a girl from Hinge. Same issues as the first date I had the previous week (FR) in that I didn't really physically escalate. Went for the kiss at the end like usual but it ended up being a quick peck. She seems very excited to see me again though and I'm going to set something up for next week. She's definitely after a relationship - we'll see what happens.

I'm starting to realize why my physical escalations on dates are either non-existant or awkward on dates now. On this date I hadn't masturbated for a few days beforehand and was really horny so I thought this would help, but as soon as she came and I saw her for the first time, even though she was attractive, the horniness disappeared. And I've realized this usually happens on dates - it disappears and I focus on her and the conversation. Now if it remained even a little bit it would make escalating a lot easier because my intent would be there and it would seem natural. At some points in the conversation when I really made myself focus on her appearance I started getting hornier and trying to get closer, but this came at the expense of the conversation and while this was happening I didn't take in a word she was saying. Also, because it happened sporadically, to her it might have seemed a bit weird that before I was almost fully platonic and then now, at a random point 20 minutes into the date, I'm suddenly smiling and trying to get closer. In fact, this doesn't just happen on dates, it happens with a lot of interactions I have with attractive women.

I'm not really sure how to fix this issue of staying horny while fully immersing myself in the conversation - it's usually one or the other. This is a big part of what's holding me back I think. If anyone else has had a similar problem and overcome it I'd love to know how you did it.

b. Along similar lines, I'm realizing that my personality and sex drive is in a lot of ways like a womans, quite passive. Always has been, even when I was a 14. Don't know if this is due to low test or what. Here's a quote from a reply to my FR

I think I'm partly this way too because I'm a pretty lazy person in general, and so unless I'm reaally into the girl (as in, she is exactly my type, I'm feeling ridiculously horny or she touches me first) I don't make that extra effort. Not masturbating doesn't seem to help much either - it just amplifies my attraction for the girls I'm already attracted to while doing nothing to make me attracted to more girls, at least visually. If they touch me it's a different story. It's really hard for me to get excited about most girls I see everyday - even though I need to to be able to to build up the skills I need. I think in a lot of ways my personality and sex drive is a lot like women's - passive, which is hugely problematic considering I'm the guy and I need to make things happen. But on the plus side I guess this gives me a really good understanding of how womens minds operate and what makes them horny, because I experience the same thing. And touch is a big one - even if a girl is not my type, if she touches me a certain way I get horny. Gotta use this to my advantage.

c. Went out on Friday and Saturday. On Friday I was at a concert with friends, hooked up with a girl but she was pretty drunk. We made out a lot (I know I'm not supposed to do this but I haven't had a nice passionate kiss in a while) and then went for drinks. I bought the first round and she mysteriously lost her wallet the second round so I had to pay for it too (damn it I'm better than this!). She wanted to go outside to smoke weed (she showed it to me in the middle of the venue in plain site of the bartenders), but I didn't have a ticket to get back in and wasn't thinking logistics at the time so declined. This was pretty dumb. I should have agreed and then seen if I could have found an alley, concert be damned. But I wasn't thinking straight and declined because of the issue of getting back in. Dumb dumb. She was drunk though (I was too) so that eased my consciousness somewhat but still, I should have gone for it to get the experience.

On Saturday, I was out with my friends again, hooked up with another girl but she was pretty gross and weird, and my friends were making fun of me for it, so I ejected. Later in line for another place, I overheard a conversation behind me, and turned and joined in. There was an older blonde lady there (probably 40s) with a guy. After I joined in she started getting a lot closer to me - I realized that the guy wasn't with her and that she was on her own. She followed me in and I found out she was looking for some friends. Later on, she saw me dancing with some other girls, and after they left she approached me to dance. I wasn't that enthusiastic though because my friends were there - and they teased me mercilessly for hooking up with an older lady last year. So I kept my distance even though she was attractive. She sensed my disinterest and left. That was dumb on my part and is partly why I actually prefer going out solo - I can do what I want without feeling judged or pressured by my friends.

Regressed and masturbated on Saturday, but not to porn, just my memories/imagination (still holding myself to that).

d. Failed approaches (there weren't any successful ones this week)
1. She was standing on her own in the supermarket by the donuts, blonde,really attractive and fully done up with makeup. But I was in a hurry and rationalized to myself that that is why I couldn't go talk to her (idiot)
2. I went to the mall and immediately got psyched out by all the attractive women around. They looked a bit younger so I freaked out and thought I'd be a weirdo if I talked to them.
3. In the same mall, buying towels there was an attractive woman next to me. Frantically tried thinking of a situational opener involving towels, couldn't think of anything so decided to go direct. As soon as I started to move she walked in my direction past me, not making eye contact despite my best efforts. I psyched myself out and didn't approach. Half started following her after she left because I really really wanted to talk to her, but then realized that I almost just became the sort of guy who follows women in stores so backed out. I regret that one a lot.

My approaching method is pretty aimless (just approach attractive women when you see them) and I think that's why I failed this week. I need a structured goal - talk to X number of girls before the end of the week. Planning on setting that goal tomorrow.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
I almost didn't want to write this because it's so lame, but that defeats the purpose of this journal which is supposed to be keeping me accountable. I had two more failed approaches today, and they were both bullshit.

1. In a cafe standing there waiting for her food, on her phone and smiling. I was struggling to think of a situational opener and psyched myself out, so sat down and did nothing.

2. Walking in the street to the post office. Caught her glancing in my direction repeatedly as she walked towards me - looked at her as she was walking past but she looked straight ahead. I was clearly on her radar, she was cute and not wearing headphones. But...I just walked straight on past her. I've done a street approach before, could have just used he same line. But I was a bit paranoid about a man walking behind me (he was far behind me) and rationalized that as why I couldn't talk to her. AA man. This one hurt, it made me angry at myself and I've been thinking about it ever since.

Like I said I would yesterday, this bullshit is happening because I don't have any concrete goals. "Talk to an attractive woman when you see them" is not enough and it's not really making me think in numbers like I'm supposed to be doing. I'm setting myself a new goal. Before this week is done, I have to approach at least 5 new women, find out a little bit about them, and try asking their number/out on a date if possible. That's five before Monday next week. Reasonable and possible, especially if I go out shopping on the weekend.

a. Had a first date on Thursday with a girl from Hinge. Same issues as the first date I had the previous week (FR) in that I didn't really physically escalate. Went for the kiss at the end like usual but it ended up being a quick peck. She seems very excited to see me again though and I'm going to set something up for next week. She's definitely after a relationship - we'll see what happens.

I have another date with her set for this Thursday, at a joint near my house. I'm going to spend a bit of time tomorrow planning it all out so that it ends up back at mine.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
Yesterday I set myself a goal to approach at least 5 new women, find out a little bit about them, and try asking them for their number/out on a date before Monday next week.

I'm now one down with four to go. FR here
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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773
a. Had a first date on Thursday with a girl from Hinge. Same issues as the first date I had the previous week (FR) in that I didn't really physically escalate. Went for the kiss at the end like usual but it ended up being a quick peck. She seems very excited to see me again though and I'm going to set something up for next week. She's definitely after a relationship - we'll see what happens.

I have another date with her set for this Thursday, at a joint near my house. I'm going to spend a bit of time tomorrow planning it all out so that it ends up back at mine.

I just had the date. Didn't sleep with her but a third is almost guaranteed. Summary is in my latest post here

Main takeaways:

Used intense eye contact that I learnt from The Dating Artisan (focusing on the bridge of her nose) and it worked - on a very small scale. Still have to practice it.

My physical escalation was a lot smoother on this date. Some things I did worth noting for the future:

  • 1. Pulled back most of the time, only leaning forward when I was really interested in what she was talking about.

    2. Sitting by her side instead of opposite (I've done this before of course but still)

    3. Commenting on her nails and then using that as an excuse to grab her hands.

    4. Sitting between her and her bag, so that when we were leaving I teased her that she had to climb over me to get it. She knew what I was doing, leaned over and we kissed, then I gave her her bag). This was a good one

    5. Seeing other couples embracing when she was sitting far away, teasing her saying "what are you doing all the way over there then, come here" She laughed and didn't come over but I said it quite weakly. If I'd said it differently it might have worked

Overall, I think I was just a lot more forward and not embarrassed about touching her or getting her to come closer to touch me. And I laughed it off when she didn't come closer. This nonchalant, confident attitude towards her not complying in the full knowledge that she will eventually is gold and I need to use it more.

Other things I did right:

  • Teasing her and making her question her memory by changing facts I'd told her about myself last date. For instance, making her think she'd heard me wrong when I told her my sibling ages (this date I said they were 20 years older than I said they were on the last date, from my dads previous marriage (he hasn't had a previous marriage). She was so confused and questioning herself which was hilarious.

    She mentioned that she had a friend nearby, I joked that we could have made it a triple date. Stuff like that.

Gotta use this playful attitude more, just not taking things and her too seriously and making her question herself. Essentially, treating her like she's silly and cute like Chase says.

I feel like this is why so many older guys are so much more attractive, it's a lot easier to see girls as silly and cute when they're decades younger than you and your behavior just naturally changes accordingly.

But I think the biggest lesson I've learned that this date has really emphasized, thanks to GC, is:

I know what is happening here with this girl (well maybe not everything...yet), and what her motivations are. She wants a boyfriend. I fulfill that role too well (read the full post above to see why) And even though it's not going 100% to plan (haven't slept with her yet) I still feel in control of the situation which is an awesome feeling.

Before finding this site I'd pretty much resigned myself to the fact while I was good looking,I was probably going to get with some girl eventually and she would be cute but not what I could have gotten. Hell, I probably would have been a lot keener on this girl. And we'd have sex occasionally, when she wanted it. And it wouldn't be that passionate. But now I'm holding myself to a much higher standard - I want an attractive girl who actually truly wants me above anyone else, not a "you'll do". I hope I can do it, because now if I fail I'll truly be unhappy for the rest of my life whereas before I could have probably lived in (blissful?) ignorance.
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Still haven't made any more approaches to reach my goal of five. I did stop one girl in the street (she seemed a bit startled) complimented her on her skirt (It was white with black and yellow spots) but I sort of fumbled through it (referred to her skirt as shorts, ugh) and ejected pretty quickly as a result. I'm not counting that one because I didn't attempt to continue the conversation and escalate.

There haven't been many other good opportunities - haven't noticed any IOIs from girls I want. There was a girl a bit younger than me in heavy makeup on her phone who gave no indication that I existed, but I should have engaged her just to see what would have happened. Again, got a bit spooked because I never had any luck with girls who looked like that so I felt I knew what would have happened - but hey, you need to test your hypotheses.

Well, I'm sticking to my word - if not tomorrow or Saturday, I'm going out to the city on Sunday and I'm not coming home until I've reached my goal.. as much as that terrifies me..
 

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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1.
I know what is happening here with this girl (well maybe not everything...yet), and what her motivations are. She wants a boyfriend. I fulfill that role too well (read the full post above to see why) And even though it's not going 100% to plan (haven't slept with her yet) I still feel in control of the situation which is an awesome feeling.

Well, I was dead wrong about this one, haha. She's leaving the country at the end of July and I've made it clear now that I don't want a long distance relationship, but she still agreed to come over to my place this Tuesday for dinner, so I'm going to think about how to lead this one. I'm still fairly sure she's conservative so not sure if I'll be able to pull off getting her into bed this time but I will try.

2. Got picked up by a girl on Friday night, which was fun. I was out with some old uni friends, and later on in the night two cute brunettes approached me and asked me to take their photo. I did, and they wanted me to take more to get the lighting perfect. I teased them to no end about this and they loved it. Eventually they roped me into taking photos of the entire group (there were four of them) and I started joking about expecting payment for this. I love being the sole dude in a group of girls - it's happened a few times on nights out and I feel like a boss every time (of course it doesn't compare to sleeping with them though!).

After I started joking about getting paid, one offered to buy me a drink - she was the least attractive of the group (a little bigger than the rest but still cute!) while another one actually started reaching for her wallet before the one buying my drink stopped her. After making chit chat at the bar she started blatantly flirting with me, asking me if I was single - when I told her my name she loved it and just said "your name, god, can you get any sexier??" She asked for my number and I called my phone with it. Didn't sleep with her because her friends came to get her because they had to leave (I don't know, I feel like if I'd tried taking her home her friends might have objected and it would have caused a bit of trouble). But I've set up a date with her for this week.

3. I reached my goal of five day approaches (sort of). Two out of the five didn't lead to any conversation so I'm a bit iffy about whether to count them or not - but I still learned a bit:

  • a. I've already posted about my first approach. My second was while I was walking in the rain to meet a friend. I decided to walk instead of drive purely because I was hoping to run into some cute girls! But there weren't many. She was wearing a windbreaker and looked cold and uncomfortable, I stopped her, ran the "I thought you were cute" line - to which she quickly responded that she was married and kept walking. She was polite though, not annoyed and only seemed mildly surprised by my opening.

    b. Third approach was today (Sunday). I went out to the city purely to approach because I hadn't reached my goal yet. I spent an hour walking around in pure fear before spotting a girl in a black dress walking towards me. I stopped her, told her she looked nice (I noticed she was pretty young) and introduced myself. She told me her name but seemed a bit distracted. I commented that she seemed like she was in a bit of a hurry and she said she was actually working. I told her I'd let her go but then asked her if she was single, she said she wasn't and then we both kept walking. She seemed a little surprised by my initial approach but once it was clear what my intentions were, there was no negative reaction. Just a polite rejection.

    c. Fourth girl was wearing a really nice yellow and black checkered dress. I was walking over to her and she noticed me, but I think I made the mistake of checking her out a bit too much and came across as low value because when I opened her it seemed like she expected it and had already made up her mind - no. I stopped her, complimented her on the dress, she said thank you politely and just kept walking staring directly ahead before I had the chance to continue. I didn't push the interaction further but it was clear she was not interested.

    d. Fifth girl was a hot tall asian girl wearing a bright orange jacket. I stopped her to compliment her on her jacket but she just looked confused and kept walking - I don't know if she understood English or not.

In summary, I did make five approaches like I told myself I would but didn't get as far as I hoped I would, which was finding out a little bit about them and asking if they were single/for their number. A few interesting takeaways though:

  • One, it's amazing how strong your social conditioning is to think that approaching random women is wrong. I left the house feeling like a normal member of society, but the minute I started thinking about what I had to do, I started feeling like a complete social outcast. This was why I spent the first hour not approaching - I was too scared not so much of approaching but of bystanders judging me (There are a lot of people in malls). In fact, the three girls I ended up approaching were all on their own, with hardly any other people around. You also start noticing all the couples, families, kids and everyone else and are acutely aware that everyone else probably met through friends/online and never had to do what I'm doing now, which just further deepened my feelings of isolation.

    Two, the rejections weren't so bad. I felt weird making them, and I definitely came across as low value due to fear (my shoulders were hunched, my voice was weak). But, the girls were polite in their dismissals, there were no scowls or looks of disgust (but maybe this is a bad thing, maybe I'm not polarizing at all and just easy to dismiss). Of course I need to approach more since five is nothing, but still, it wasn't so bad.

What to work on:

Body language. My fear was showing, I wasn't smiling due to fear, my shoulders were hunched, I felt guilty and weird about making the approaches. After engaging in conversation I had a nervous smile which was probably quite creepy. After I'd made the five approaches I relaxed and puffed out my chest again, and immediately got stared down by a woman (but she was with her husband/boyfriend)


Mindset shift: My street/mall approaches were quite robotic. I think this might have partly been due to the fact that I had a goal to talk to X number of women, so I was kind of treating it like a "I have to do this" rather than seeing a pretty girl and thinking "she's really cute, I'd like to talk to her". Need to find a way to think in terms of numbers while also appreciating each and every woman I meet, which is hard. This mindset shift will also help ease my body language as well.

Need to also stop feeling like a weirdo/public nuisance when going out to approach. This is a huuuge one.


Knowledge. I need to know where the go to places are in my city, and also have an idea of where to go to meet the girls I want to meet, as well as good cafes/bars around there for insta-dates.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
This has been a pretty big week.

1. Broke my six month dry spell on Thursday with the girl who picked me up last Friday. LR here

Main lessons:

  • - Get a TV at the end of my bed
    - Have wine at home.
    - Adapted missionary works – I just have to last longer. I've got to get better at sex in general. Things I did right this time - holding her close, almost in a bear hug, maximizing body to body contact. Adapted missionary. Focused on thrusting up and down rather than just thrusting in, according to swiminators post here:

    Normally I don't post here, but I started using this technique that Chase posted about two years ago. I've found that you need to think about thrusting down and in rather than just thrusting in. When you think about thrusting down as well, the base of your pelvis will rub against the clit and stimulate her without needing to use your hand. The clit is really meant to get stimulated by that lower ab area. Usually doing this, the girl can get off within five minutes and then after that its pretty easy to chain multiple orgasms together. Give it a try next time. Also the closer your bodies are, the more turned on she'll get and the more indirect stimulation you can cause with your chest and such.
    swiminator

    - Also forgot to ask her if she was on the pill but I pulled out. Big big mistake that I won't make again.

2. The next night I had a Hinge date. It was one of the most interesting dates I've been on and I learnt quite a bit about myself from it. FR+ here

Main lessons:

  • - I need to learn how to be vulnerable with people – people open up to me a lot more when I’m vulnerable. But I still need to balance this with being playful and fun. I also need to tailor this to the woman in question depending on her SAC type. I imagine this is more important for similarity types as opposed to the others.
    - I need to really make an active effort to be interested in and truly care about other people, as much as it goes against my natural inclinations. I need to learn how to stop constantly thinking about how I’m being perceived or how this person can benefit me.
    - I need to cultivate and find a way to convey my ambition and passions on dates, while keeping talking to a minimum.

3. Last week I outlined a few things I needed to work on:

What to work on:

Body language. My fear was showing, I wasn't smiling due to fear, my shoulders were hunched, I felt guilty and weird about making the approaches. After engaging in conversation I had a nervous smile which was probably quite creepy. After I'd made the five approaches I relaxed and puffed out my chest again, and immediately got stared down by a woman (but she was with her husband/boyfriend)

Mindset shift: My street/mall approaches were quite robotic. I think this might have partly been due to the fact that I had a goal to talk to X number of women, so I was kind of treating it like a "I have to do this" rather than seeing a pretty girl and thinking "she's really cute, I'd like to talk to her". Need to find a way to think in terms of numbers while also appreciating each and every woman I meet, which is hard. This mindset shift will also help ease my body language as well.

Need to also stop feeling like a weirdo/public nuisance when going out to approach. This is a huuuge one.

Well, I didn't cold approach anyone this week. My enthusiasm got dampened a little bit when I started reading about other peoples experiences in the city I live in on other forums (apparently day game is notoriously difficult here and it's mainly social circle based). But I realize now that this is kind of ridiculous and I have to try it for myself.

I noticed that when I'm out I'm in two modes. Pinging mode (looking out for women, shoulders tend to hunch, I get nervous, etc. Girls notice this and avoid eye contact) and oblivious mode (Good body language, I'm walking down the street and get checked out a lot. But I'm too oblivious and miss signals, when I notice she's checked me out she's usually very close by that point and I haven't mentally prepared myself to respond so I look at her but don't do anything.

I need to be in oblivious mode, but train myself to respond quickly with a smile or hello when I know I'm getting checked out.

Knowledge. I need to know where the go to places are in my city, and also have an idea of where to go to meet the girls I want to meet, as well as good cafes/bars around there for insta-dates.

The place I went to on Saturday night was full of the type of girls I wanted (tall pretty brunettes and blondes). Unfortunately it's not within walking distance of my current place (20 minutes away), but I may aim to move there within the next few months. Haven't really scouted anywhere for insta-dates locations yet.

4. I also went out on Saturday night and engaged with a few girls. I've found a new sticking point of mine. I've been doing this for years and years:

a. At the bar I spotted a very attractive tall blonde woman - she looked a bit bitchy. Later on I was next to her and I noticed she had 5 earrings on one ear. I told her that I'd never seen anyone with that many earrings in one ear before. She beamed, laughed and told me that she had ten, five in each ear. We chatted a little bit more, I asked her name, then ran out of things to say because I didn't know how to escalate, played it cool and stopped talking to look at the bar again. Dope. When she left I said it was nice meeting her.

I ran into her multiple times that night - the next time at the bar again, she recognized me and seemed happy to see me. The next time at the toilets. The next time downstairs outside the dance floor, with a friend of hers (the friend was shorter, overweight and not very attractive). We kept joking about running into eachother. When we were outside the dance floor I told her I'd lost my friends and that they might be on the dance floor. She suggested we go dance and find them (as a group, not suggestively). I had a feeling at this point I'd already missed my chance from the previous interactions and now it was firmly platonic. We went to the dance floor and I separated from them, then found my friends. I did this because I didn't know how to break in and escalate, and also because I thought I'd missed my chance already so it would have been awkward trying now. Also because there were two of them and I would have had to separate her from her friend which I didn't know how to do. Should have escalated in the very first interaction I had with her but didn't know how past getting her name. It was too early to dance so I couldn't suggest that.

b. At the bar I was filling up water, and it exploded out and went all over my hand. The two girls next to me laughed and we joked about how powerful it was. I then asked them how their night was going. The cute redhead near me confessed that she had seen her ex tonight, and that they hadn't been together for years. She said he was over that side of the bar *pointing in another direction*. We joked about that for a bit, and I asked her name, but I was unsure how to escalate.. So I played it cool, asked them if they were going to dance later, they said yes, and I said I might see them there later and left.

c. I saw a couple of girls sitting down, including one who looked bored. I went and sat down next to her confidently, and asked her how her night was going. She smiled and told me it was fun. We had a good convo, and talked about how it was too crowded on the dance floor. I said we should try bringing the dance floor here. She laughed and said that would be a good idea. I'm not sure how it ended but I'm pretty sure I didn't know how to escalate, played it cool, bowed out and told her I might see her on the dance floor later.

I should note that none of these girls seemed particularly flirty, just friendly (That might be because they were mirroring my platonic body language). But I bowed out every time because I didn't know how to escalate. Here's how it usually goes at night:

- Approach woman at night and give her a bold compliment/insight.
- Engage in light chit chat, get her name
- Run out of things to say/unsure about how to escalate if it's early and so play it cool and bow out, cementing me in her mind as a fun, friendly stranger instead of a mysterious, fun, possible lover.

I have to work out where to go after getting her name. Need to make my intentions clear, find out if she's single, deep dive, and build rapport, fast, so that she's comfortable giving me her number or moving with me within 5 minutes. Need to maintain the fun, playful attitude when doing this
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Not much to report over the last few days, my motivation has been lacking somewhat which is not good.

1. The girl who I've been on two dates with and who I've been trying to set up a date to come to mine for dinner has been postponing because she's been sick (it seems legit) so I'll try for next week. She leaves the country at the end of the month so this doesn't really leave me much time.

2. There's a cute girl that works at the cafe near my work. Got on speaking terms with her a few weeks ago when I moved here but couldn't work up the courage to ask her out then. Yesterday I went back to the cafe for the first time in a few weeks and she asked me how I'd been. We started chatting and I asked her what she did in her free time. She said not much, she doesn't like going out anymore because she feels too old (found out she was 25). I then said that if she wasn't doing anything this weekend we should go out for lunch. I thought my presence and body language was quite strong when I said this. She sort of laughed and said she had plans this weekend - dinner with her friends. It seemed she was avoiding the question so I didn't push or tease her about the fact that I was asking about lunch not dinner.


  • Lesson: I think if I'd had a concrete plan for where to take her (ie. "I'll show you around XX and we can hit a couple of bars" it would have been a lot more convincing than just saying we should hang out. I should always use this instead of "we should do lunch" because I do live in a nice area of town. Also, I'd talked to this girl many times before so maybe that's why she didn't see it as an option - should have moved sooner of course - When I first talked to her after moving here I was a bit intimidated by her and only started getting comfortable later after going there a few times.

3. Had a Hinge date with a cute tall brunette. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't do too well. It was very platonic at the start during dinner and drinks. I feel like I came across as a bit of a phony and insecure, especially when talking about my job (I'm in engineering and the jobs ok but it's not getting me where I want to be, and this industry is low status) and my hobbies (again, haven't worked on them in six months due to all the moves and don't have any ongoing projects) which probably set off some red flags for her. I should note that she was talking a lot and asking me a lot of questions, she wasn't cold.

When I tried moving her to another bar she seemed somewhat skeptical but came. I touched her and teased her a few times but we sat pretty far from each other at the next place. I tried to bring up the topic of dating (how it differed from where she came from as opposed to here). She only said that she left her old town when she was 19 and so didn't have much experience from that old town, and the conversation ended there. Trying to get her closer to me was tough. When she was sitting away from me, I was unsure how to close the gap. Should have said something along the lines of "you don't have to sit that far away you know" with a cocky smile to see what would have happened, but I don't feel like I had built enough attraction for that to work. At some point she mentioned an event (brunch and drinks) that she had always wanted to go to. I suggested (and I think I came across as too eager and needy) that we should go together - she half laughed and said she was planning on going with her friends. After about an hour she had to leave and we hugged each other goodbye (I haven't ended a date with a hug in a long long time which sucked).

I texted her the next day saying it was fun hanging out and invited her along to a gin festival happening this weekend, but it's been a day now and I haven't had a response (which comes as no surprise)

  • Lesson: My insecurities about my current job, hobbies and so on are seriously affecting my confidence. I have to own where I am and communicate that this is only temporary. It's hard, especially knowing that women are looking for someone who has already made it, and I'm still a long way off from that point.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
I had quite an awful depressive plunge this entire week. Not because of anything that happened in particular, but more as a result getting into my own head about how far behind in life I felt compared to others my age and younger. I struggled to focus at work and started having suicidal thoughts again (which I hadn’t experienced for a few months).

To try and take my mind off things I started working on finishing a song I’d started making last year, which I had put on hold due to all the moves. That helped me feel a bit better, but the feeling still persisted throughout the week and the entire weekend. I still went out on Friday and Saturday..

Friday night

I planned on heading out alone to scout out a few other bars in the vicinity of the place I went to last Saturday, which was full of the type of girls I wanted. After getting ready and grabbing some food, my friend shot me a text asking me to come over - my other friends at his place were MCing a wedding the next day and were practicing their speeches/bouncing off ideas. I agreed to come for a bit but mentioned that I wanted to head out later. I ended up being there a lot longer than I thought, but him and I still went out, to a place close by which I'm not really a fan of. We got there quite late, and everyone was already drinking and dancing. Not ideal since the dancefloor is a lousy place to pick up, but i went anyway. I made a few approaches and got shut down for the most part. One girl was wearing christmas lights, I got close to her and boldly started dancing with her before she told me she wasn't interested. Bummer but I appreciated the honesty. One was quite harsh, I think the girl pulled her friend away from me and told her I was ugly, lol. I understand that I'm not everyone's type so whereas before this would have ruined my night, I was quite unfazed because I've had enough positive reference points to realize that plenty of girls do dig me.

Later on in the night I started dancing with a sexy blonde girl with massive knockers. Her friend was dancing with another guy. We made out for a bit before she asked my age. I lied and said 24, which is how old she was. We continued dancing and she started feeling me up, actually reaching down my pants at one point. After she did this she sounded a bit shocked when she said "I touched your penis". I responded "You make it sound like that was a bad thing". Which was pretty boring. Could have spun that and said something different. After this happened I pretty much asked her if she wanted to come back to my place, since I lived nearby. I think I came off as too forward though, and she looked a bit surprised. By this point the guy dancing with her friend had left and her friend was alone. She pointed this out and said she had to go back to her friend. I bailed.

I'm going to analyze this interaction in more detail and work out what else I could have said or done to change the outcome. But right now I'm still feeling pretty down and don't have the energy.

Saturday night

Me and my friend from the previous night had tickets to a cocktail event on saturday night. Even though I knew I was going out, I relieved myself twice on saturday morning. Which I realize is really stupid and not helping me with my goals whatsoever. I just lost all willpower and didn't care anymore. I'd also pulled a neck muscle the previous night at the gym which I didn't realize until this morning, when I woke up and couldn't move my right arm. Ha.

Night came around. On the way there and even at the event, my friend and I had a pretty deep conversation where I pretty much revealed that I wasn't happy with where I was in life and he admitted he felt the same way. We started talking about women and game, and when I mentioned how I wanted to get better at it by being more forward and aggressive with women, he frustratingly tried shutting me down, spilling the usual bullshit about how you need to "be yourself" and that he was happy being somewhat passive because "he'd been an asshole in the past and he didn't like it". Even though he'd just admitted to me that he wasn't happy. I haven't told him about GC yet. But I'm trying to seed some of the ideas of this site into his mind because I really need a wingman. Over the last year I've tried playing a game with my friends where they point a girl out to me and I have to go engage her, and vice versa, just to get better at it. I love playing it. But they never want to play and it reeaally pisses me off. Because I just want someone to do this with so I don't have to go it alone... He did admit towards the end that he was willing to be a little more aggressive, progress at least.

While we were there we made light chit chat with a few women, but they were either old or fat. Later we went to another club but it was full of 18 year olds, and I felt really out of place. By this point I'd had a bit to drink too, and I started getting angry and frustrated seeing all the guys years younger than me with their attractive girls, wondering why I wasn't able to figure this out while they had already. It was pretty bad. I didn't want to hurt anyone but I felt an overwhelming rage at myself and I wish I had a baseball bat to smash some windows just to release it all. Meanwhile, my friend at this point had gotten blind drunk, so I ended up having to lead him around for the rest of the night too.

I did calm down a little bit towards the end and made chit chat with a few girls outside on the street who were warm and receptive. We ended up going to one last place. I saw three girls sitting down on their phones and approached them, sitting down at the last chair. They were pretty cold at first, but then I talked to them and said something along the lines of "I'm pretty introverted and trying to put myself out there, which is why I came to talk to you three". They warmed up pretty quickly after that but had to leave pretty soon. They weren't very cute too except one on the right who was the least engaged.

I decided to leave. I grabbed my friend and we left. On the way back I got a text from the girl I'd been on two dates saying she was at X bar and that I should come. But I wasn't horny due to the stupid thing I'd done in the morning and I was still angry and frustrated, so I declined and went to bed. She's still coming over to my place this Tuesday though.

Today I relieved myself a few more times...

In summary, I'm feeling really shitty. My motivation and self control is at an all time low. For no other reason than I'm getting into my own head.The scary part of it is I've read the articles on this site about overcoming depression, but I'm still finding it very, very difficult to do.
 

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
129
Hey man, I feel you. I've been battling it too. Try not to fight it too hard and do whatever makes you feel good. And I don't mean feel good in the short term (like doing drugs or alcohol or jerking off) but going to the gym, cooking your favourite dish or listen to your favourite music.

Also, "falling off the wagon" (doing the thing you don't want to) is annoying but you shouldn't get too worked up about it.

You got this!

For myself, I have a nice pan of meat on the stove right now, I'm gonna eat some really nice slow-cooked stuff this evening :)
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Hey Zapp, thanks for the support! I've been feeling a lot better over the last few days. I re-read Chase's article on overcoming depression, made a conscious effort to shut out the negative thoughts today, and it seems to be working. Only problem is, I'm still distracted just thinking about girls, just not in a negative way ;).

I know it's been said over and over again and I've experienced it so many times, but really, eating well, exercising (and looking in the mirror later) really help a lot. The times I really get depressed are when I have not been going to the gym as often, and can feel myself losing muscle/gaining fat (especially in the face)/ just looking older and more tired in general. It happened last week. I went to the gym once, just looked and felt older, and all the associated negative thoughts (it's too late) came with it. I guess this, compounded by the fact that I pulled my neck muscle (it's getting better now) and went to that club full of 18 years olds pushed me over the edge.

Not many things make me feel better/more optimistic about life than seeing myself looking like a badass in the gym. Really have to find time to start going six days a week again and meal prepping properly. I might have to start going in the mornings, as much as I hate getting up early.
 

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
129
ugh, tell me about it. I'm so happy I got to go to training again yesterday!

I balance out my bi/tri-weekly martial arts training (which is about an hour) with daily push ups (working on the 100 push ups program which is 3 days a week) and tricep chair dips on the other 3 or 4 days at home (I sometimes allow myself one rest day). This takes only 20 minutes or so and I do it after I wake up, before showering. Fits my schedule much better than going to the gym (and I find the gym boring as fuck), but I guess the workout isn't as "complete" or full body as you'd get at the gym.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Haven't posted an update in a while so here goes. Not much action on my part, I've been pretty lazy.

I finally moved yesterday to somewhere that I'll be able to live for at least the next year or so, which is great. The constant moving has been tiring so now I can use this as a proper home base and set up a proper bach pad.

Friday:

Went out with some old high school friends that I hadn't seen in a while. To be honest and this is going to make me sound like a bit of an asshole, but I have been trying to distance myself from them because I just don't really enjoy hanging out with them anymore! Our meetups are more now just sitting, drinking and talking for a few hours about the same things we used to talk about back in high school.They have interesting lives (one has been working as a contiki manager for the last few years and the other did his masters, has presented at conferences to some of the top experts in his field and is on track to a very fulfilling career). But talking to them, while fun, just felt like something was missing. I imagine this is what it's like being a woman on a date with another guy who's interesting on paper but just not in person.

We talked about girls and they don't seem to have progressed much on that front either (I assume the contiki manager gets a lot of action but based on my interaction with him, it's not due to any game in particular and more the fact that he's a good looking and likable guy who is in a position of power. I used to see this first hand back when we used to go out together, minus the position of power). Fair play because I'm in the same boat! But I'm at a point now where I don't value hanging out with them because I don't get much value out of it. Which is terrible, but I can't help feeling this way.

While out with them I made an effort to talk and joke with the cute bartender at every opportunity I had. We were one of the few people there so it was easy talking to her because no one else was there! I didn't flirt with her though.

Later on when my friends left I stayed at the bar, but by that point had gotten a bit too drunk and wasn't talking to anyone so decided to cut my losses and leave.

Saturday

So a few weeks ago I went to a place a bit far away from me which had a ton of attractive women. Last week I was going to go there alone but hung out with a friend instead:

The place I went to on Saturday night was full of the type of girls I wanted (tall pretty brunettes and blondes). Unfortunately it's not within walking distance of my current place (20 minutes away), but I may aim to move there within the next few months.

I planned on heading out alone to scout out a few other bars in the vicinity of the place I went to last Saturday, which was full of the type of girls I wanted. After getting ready and grabbing some food, my friend shot me a text asking me to come over - my other friends at his place were MCing a wedding the next day and were practicing their speeches/bouncing off ideas. I agreed to come for a bit but mentioned that I wanted to head out later. I ended up being there a lot longer than I thought, but him and I still went out, to a place close by which I'm not really a fan of.

Yesterday I committed and went there on my own little pub crawl. I started off at one place which looked promising, and engaged with a girl sitting next to me at the bar by asking her what she was having. My approach was strong and warm and she responded in turn. But her friend arrived soon after that and they started talking to each other. I started making small chit chat with the bartender and asked for two things - a recommendation of what to drink and where to go next. This became a theme and I did the same thing at every successive place I went to (ended up being like 7 places in total I think). I also got a few of the bartenders names and wrote them down so I wouldn't forget them, as well as the drinks I got. I noted down every single place I went to and am putting together a little map of the area for myself.

I made an effort to talk to everyone who was in my vicinity and people were generally warm, except one girl who smiled after I complimented her earrings but then moved away from me along the bar. I generally kept it to light chit chat and didn't escalate - I tell myself I wasn't trying to tonight - but that's lying to myself. The real reason is that I still haven't internalized the fact that I can be an attractive guy that these women would want to go home with and it's coming across in my platonic body language (noted I said body language, not words - based on feedback from previous encounters I think I know what to say to escalate (have to practice that of course), it's just getting to that escalation window that's the hard part).

Started talking to a guy who looked like he was in his 30s at some point in the night who was visiting from the US. His friend had gone home with some girl. We started talking wingmanning and I asked him to wingman me (half jokingly). He remarked that I was so pretty that I would literally be the easiest person to wingman and that I didn't need it. I don't think I'm anything special compared to other guys but I appreciated the compliment nonetheless. But man, that hasn't helped me so far! I want a wing

A few other things this week

1. Girl who I went on two dates with was bedridden on the day she was supposed to come over to mine on Tuesday. Now I know what you're thinking - she's obviously lying - but this is the girl who wanted me to come meet her last Saturday so I think it was legit. In any case, she leaves the country in two days so that's not happening!

2. Tall brunette who I went on a date with but didn't escalate responded a few days after and seemed keen to meet up again. But I messed up with my texts and she changed her mind (she even told me this - "I'm really sorry but I've changed my mind and don't think I'm keen to meet up again. Was wanting to give it more of a go, but have just decided I don't think I feel enough of a connection"

I know what I did wrong though:

  • a. Didn't escalate on the date. It ended with a hug. I honestly thought she wasn't even going to reply (if you read my journal history you'll see this). But she gave me another chance.
    b. She told me on Monday that she was free on Thursday, I said to keep it free and I'll let her know when I've found something to do because I didn't have a second date plan in place. But I got busy the next few days and only texted her Wednesday night (the night before the date) with an underwhelming second date idea (drinks at a bar in the city). An hour later she responded with the message above. The underwhelming date idea + the fact that I left it until the night before probably set off some red flags and put her firmly from "maybe I'll give it another shot even though the first date was underwhelming" to "no". Fair enough.

I learnt my lesson and have since sat down and worked out some second date ideas if the first hasn't gone as expected, based on Chases article on date compression. To be fair to myself, I did try to use date compression by inviting her to a gin festival on the weekend a few days after the first date but she wasn't available.

3. There were a few girls on Hinge who were messaging me but I was slow to respond so they've died.

4. I have not done a single daytime cold approach since I'd set myself a goal of doing five approaches a few weeks ago, despite there being opportunities to open. It's due to the lack of clear goals. I achieved that initial goal and didn't set myself a new one and so drifted. Time to sit down and work out a new goal.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Hey guys, I haven't posted in a long time since I have been in my own form of mental hell over the last few weeks. I've felt a lot of envy, jealousy, helplessness, bitterness, anger, frustration and violent thoughts (and not just against objects this time, but against friends, family, coworkers and strangers), again mainly as a result of feeling unwanted and left behind. But on a few other occasions I've felt extremely good and positive about life. I would never act on these thoughts but at the same time... I don't feel guilty about them and am sort of relishing them, which is concerning.

I took the Personality Disorder quiz Chase linked to in the "How to Master Anything" article (http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personalit ... er_test.mv?) and scored very high in "Borderline" and "Narcissistic", high in everything else except for Antisocial and Obsessive-Compulsive which were Moderate). I'm not sure how accurate this is but it seems correct...

That said, despite my mental state being somewhat unstable, I have not lost sight of where I want to be and have still made some progress with regards to my lifestyle. I have:

- Joined a PUA group in my hometown to find like minded people and am currently looking for a possible wing there.
- Continued setting up my bach pad. I bought a queen size mattress (I've always had a king single up until this point), and have added a few go-to playlists to my spotify account. I still need to buy a frame and some rock salt lamps/ possibly a lava lamp for the atmosphere ;)
- Started playing music again.
- Started trying to follow AFL (the predominant sport where I live). I've never really been interested and used to make fun of people for pretending to like it, but it actually is quite fun once you sit down and remove all your pre-existing negative opinions of it.

The Hinge girls who I was slow to respond to were keener than I thought. After not responding to a few for a week, I got a response from one minutes later and another one hours later. One didn't work out and the day I asked her out was the day she was heading for a three week trip. Too slow. I've tried setting up a Saturday lunch date with the other one but it's tentative at the moment pending her uni workload. This one was tough since when I started messaging her again last week, she was on holiday. But she would always respond to my texts within minutes. I didn't want to get dragged into a long text convo for two weeks so I asked her when she was getting back and said I'd message her then.

A few days later (yesterday) I messaged her with the proposal and she responded today.

Apart from that, Friday and Saturday were duds due to my negative mindset. I made one half assed compliment approach on Saturday but as soon as I went over there her friends had just come back from the bar and they were already heading to the dance floor so she got swept away. I got a lot of extended stares from a lot of pretty girls, but continued talking to my friends.

I think, I'm using the fact that my friends aren't approaching as an excuse not to approach. On some level, I'm afraid they'll see me try and fail and then laugh. I think I'm already building a reputation in my friend group as the lost puppy dog who is getting no where and seeing that will reinforce that opinion. This is being made worse by the fact that they're currently easily getting dates/laid on Hinge.

I'm just going to continue working and trying to fix my attitude.
 
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