Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Haraklus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Messages
162
SpookyTannedMoose said:
I've noticed that women just seem way, way more interested in me after I make my intentions direct, but based on prior experience, they also don't seem to respond super well when I open direct. It may be that making my intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit me a lot.

Today, what was interesting to me is that this girl was wearing her sunglasses and not really looking at me before I asked her out to coffee. Afterwards, she took her sunglasses off almost immediately and started turning and making eye contact -- like I went from 'casual conversation partner' to 'someone I'm interested in checking out'. I've noticed a similar trend in the past -- women can go from seeming almost bored to very interested in the conversation once I go direct.

In the past, I tried a lot of direct and it didn't really work for me (it didn't feel congruent or natural most of the time), but now I'm finding that if I wait a bit and get to know her first, it really seems to crank up her interest levels. I'll have to pay attention to that going forward.

I don't fully understand this because it seems a bit contradictory to me. You said making your intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit you a lot, but that opening direct hasn't worked for you. Do you mean that you've had success opening indirect then quickly moving direct as opposed to letting the indirect convo go on longer like you usually have?

That's exactly it.

It's essentially a different form of escalation. Todd Valentine has the model of the 'four modes of escalation' -- verbal escalation, emotional escalation, sexual escalation, and logistical escalation. Opening is a form of verbal escalation over not opening. Opening direct is verbally escalating and sexually escalating simultaneously. I've found more success overall by separating the two.

To go from indirect to direct can be done a lot of ways. To do it very quickly, you can do indirect-direct, which is something espoused here at girlschase -- ask her for directions to somewhere obvious, and then when she's confused, say something like, "Nah, just kidding, I just thought you were cute and wanted to talk to you."

Or, you can wait until the natural end of the interaction and then try to escalate / get her number that way, for an extreme example in the other direction.

Today I I did...a lot of approaches, while out with my dog, in the coffee shops, etc. Only one of them went anywhere -- thankfully for me, it was with an extremely attractive bisexual 19 year old with absolutely amazing hips. I'm talking very wide-boned hips, with a nice thigh gap, but skinny/lean. Nnf

I did escalate / increase my directness through the interaction.

She was talking about her dog, and said something like,
Her: "He doesn't really hump anything except poodles, or poodle mixes, and then I have to pull him off."
Me: "And what's your type?" <--- sexual escalation, although not entirely direct, it gets the point across
Her: "I'm bisexual, so...pretty broad. My type is...yes?"
Me: "Yeah, I was getting that vibe."
Us: Other stuff

This was pretty early into the interaction, and despite her being obviously kind of nervous/quiet and not overtly engaged or smiley, it was one of the 'stickiest' interactions I've had in awhile, where she was happy to sit near me / move for me, and when she had to do something, asked me to come with her.

Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've gotten a girl's number off of cold approach since I started approaching again a couple of weeks ago. I have met *so* many married/taken women, and I don't mess with that. I'm pretty pleased it was this girl in particular, as she really suits my taste.
 

Haraklus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Messages
162
Well, things are picking up nicely now. I met a girl at the coffee shop this morning. I noticed her eyeing me as I walked towards the bathroom, and then eyeing me again when I looked up from my work.

I eventually made my way over to her, set my stuff down in front of the chair 2 seats away from her, and asked,

Me: "Studying for the MCAT?"
Her: "Yeah!"
Me: "What will you be studying?"
Her: "I think orthopedics..."
We talked for awhile and it went on. I really enjoyed our conversation. After a bit, I asked her,
Me: "Do you want to get sushi?"
Her: "Sure!"
Me: "Let's go."
Her: "Wait, right now?"
Me: "Yeah, why not? The weather is nice, it's close by, and you're having a hard time studying anyway."
Her: "Hmm...Okay, let's do it. Where will we go?"
I picked a spot (a nearby health food store that has great sushi) and we went. She dropped her stuff off at her car on the way.

Pretty cool woman. Studying to become a doctor, just got back from a gap year teaching English in Vietnam. Very sweet, slightly nerdy vibe -- I can really dig it. Some other tidibits..

We were sitting outside at the health food store, and I asked,
Me: "How tall are you?"
Her: "I'm 5'5."
Me: "Stand up."
I stood up next to her, and moved in close.
Me: "How tall do you think I am?"
Her: "Six...four?" She answered, as I drew her chin up to kiss her.
Me, softly, going in for the kiss very slowly: "Almost...Six three."
I kissed her mid-sentence. It felt great. I then held her in my arms for a minute and turned her around so her back was facing me.

One thing I like to do is talk about digit ratios, so I brought them up; she'd never heard of how the 2D:4D ratio indicates the level of testosterone exposure in the womb, so I explained to her using her hands as an example.

Me: "See, if you look at the ratio of this finger (touching her index finger), to this finger (touching her ring finger), you can see the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in the womb."
Her: "They're like exactly the same."
Me: "Yeah. For a woman, having them be just about the same is a normal level of testosterone. For men, typically, the index finger is just a little shorter."
I held up my hand for her to see. (My digit ratio is pretty masculinized.
Me, laughing: "You can see...I've had a lot of testosterone in my life. Which is probably why I was perfectly willing to talk to a stranger, interrupt her from studying, ask her out to sushi, and then kiss her without any hesitation."
Her: "I'm really glad you did. I'm very shy and introverted."
Me: "Yeah...I think they complement each other."

We chatted for quite awhile, and I asked her if she wanted to go hiking and meet my pup that night. She thought about it and agreed, and we're going to b meeting up near my place tonight. I was walking with her as we established that, then said,
Me: "Okay. I'm actually parked back the other way, but I wanted to close that thought out before going back."
I stopped her, pulled her close again and gave her another kiss. It was...good. Even better than the first. But I didn't want to get carried away, so I let it linger off.
Me, smiling: "Alright, get out of here. I'll see you later."

We parted ways. I glanced back and she was walking really slowly looking dazed haha.

When I got home, I texted her with a short, cute, funny dog clip, and a message:
Me: "Just thought I'd share some cute shit and wish you luck with your studying. Let me know when you're ready to head up the mountain. :)"
Her: "That just made my day. :) . I'll keep you posted."

So, I have a bunch of shit to do today since it's Sunday, but I guess I'll let y'all know how it went tomorrow.
 

Haraklus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Messages
162
I'm a bit tired as I write this, so I'm going to keep it brief.

Yesterday was fun, but I didn't close, and I'm getting the feeling she's going to be going cold before we meet again.

Instead of pushing to close at the right moments, I backed off and let her dictate the frame and didn't display a lot of dominance. I think there were 2 or 3 times where had I simply moved faster, she would have complied/consented, but I got a little jokey and permission-seeking. I had a great time, though, and so did she. It was definitely a worthwhile experience.

She is a pretty cool person, too, so that was a big plus.

Alright. That's all for now. Haraklus oouuut.
 

Haraklus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Messages
162
I have done so many approaches. And really upped my game.

I started a counter on Tuesday and it's up to 30 now. I can tear through a lot of approaches without noticing -- I really only remember a small handful of them clearly. Quite a few were duds (relationships, they weren't as pretty as I thought they were once I got a better look, the vibe wasn't that great, etc).

Out of those, I got 3 numbers and gave my number out to 2. I got 3 insta-makeouts. One in particular was pretty enjoyable -- I took her outside about 10 minutes after meeting her and made out with her on a cute little footpath between shops. A service worker walked by. She blushed and awkwardly said hi hahaha.

I had a blast while I was at it, too -- I'm currently on vacation (staycationing, really).

I started going much more direct in a lot of areas, in particular coffee shops and at the city park. I had a ton of solid coffee shop approaches that basically started like this:

Me, walking up to a girl's table: Mind if I join you for a minute?
Her: Not at all.
Me, extending my hand to her while seating myself: I'm Haraklus. What's your name?
Her: I'm Stacy. (I'm calling them Stacy because none of them were called Stacy)
Me: What are you working on? (works great in coffee shops where people are seated and buried in their computers)

The big thing is that I'm looking for approach invitations before going that direct. I get quite a few quick glances, hair touching, hovering, etc.

There are, I'd say, 3 approaches that I feel really good about. I'll cover them here.


The girl who knew what she wanted

This one was intense. I was going into a bookstore to pick up a book that another woman recommended to me after we had spent the day together. I saw her as I was waiting in line...she glanced at me very briefly, but I could just feel the desire coming off of her. I knew I had to approach her. But I was also in no serious hurry.

I went through line, placed my order, and charmed the people surrounding me. I then picked up my order, went to the restroom, came out, and saw her. I walked directly to her,
Me: Hey...I'm Haraklus.
Her: I'm Stacy (they're all gonna be stacey)
Me: You're into Tarot?
Her, looking down and smiling: Yeah.
Me: I just started getting into it recently...It has actually been really eerily accurate for me. But I'm just doing, like...online stuff. I don't really know much about it.
Her: I know a bit about it...
Me: Can you teach me?
Her: Yes.
Me: Wait, though...how old are you?
Her: I'm 20.
Me: Alright, as long as you're not, like...17.
Her: Haha, no...
Me: Okay. Teach me about Tarot.
Her, picking up a book on astrology and walking off in a random direction: Let's go.
Me: Let's sit over there *pointing to the cafe area*
Her: Oh, yeah, haha...I never know where to sit.
Me: You got this, no worries.

We sat down next to each other and held our bodies against each other side-by-side. She started thumbing through the book. We didn't talk about much in particular. I pointed out her tattoo on her arm, which was actually really cool and very minimalist. We talked about potential tattoos and astrology a bit. I told her I was a Libra -- she laughed, rolled her eyes, and said she had too much Libra energy. I asked her what she thought of Libra energy. She said it was nice, just that she had too much of it.

...This is getting too long and I am so not committed to finishing it. But, it went on for a couple of hours, we made out just a few minutes later (and it was intense and passionate, in broad daylight...great stuff). She ultimately just walked away because she asked me if I wanted to dominate her, and I said yes. It wasn't unfriendly or upset, she just wasn't feeling that. I felt no regret whatsoever. It felt like that was the right arc for us.

The funny thing is, upon reflecting, I actually didn't particularly want to dominate her -- that's just my default response to questions like that. But I had no interest in trying to hook her back in. It was what it was, and it felt right.

That was one of the pretty great approaches of the week, I'm gonna kick back and watch a 4th of july movie with my pup. Deuces.
 

Haraklus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 13, 2014
Messages
162
I've got a confession, GC. After a week of approaching hard, getting lots of dates and instant takeouts, and having a bunch of fun, I haven't approached...all week. I've set up a few streams of dates with women from online dating, but it's really not the same thing.

I had a period of being pretty down because I lost what I thought was a very promising lead with a woman who I would value pretty highly. Two in a row, really. I allowed myself to feel bad about it, rather than fight that feeling -- this even lead to some very quality interactions with women where they listened to me complain about her. Which felt good, but obviously didn't get me laid, lol.

I took some time off from approaching because I felt "off", I haven't had quite as much time, and I noticed that I tend to have bad interactions when I'm in this particular headspace.

So, I'm still at zero lays from cold approaches since restarting the habit. I've (insta) made out with about 3 women from daytime cold approaches and gotten 2 instant dates and one same-day date.

So, after getting my expectations quite a bit higher from a surge of physical contact and really good interactions, I am lowering the bar again and setting my expectations back to something purely internal; one approach per day. Getting back on track.
 
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