Background- Girls
I
love girls. Always have. And I have a history of falling hard for the right ones.
Before finding Girls Chase, there were three girls, each who had a huge impact on my life.
Talia
I met Talia in preschool. I remember meeting her to this day. Total LOVE at First Sight. I won't go into too much detail though. Basically, we had big crushes on each other, and did everything together. I got our moms to be friends, and our time together increased to outside of preschool. We went to the same elementary school, and while we still hung out frequently outside of school, we were always in different classes. I was OBSESSED with her. Thought about her virtually every day, some days quite a bit. Talia was the girl of my dreams, my destiny, the future mother of my children. All of these titles give you a great idea of just how much of a romantic I was. We did all sorts of things together, like get braces together and do First Communion side by side and go on trips together. We cuddled, and kissed in her pool. But I was rather irrationally afraid of messing it up somehow, and always held back. I also didn't like how much power she had over me. 8 years of madness...
We started to fall apart eventually, and I changed schools. I'd still see her here and there, mostly at church. I pined after other girls, and was kinda in auto-rejection over Talia. In high school Talia saw this passionate speech I gave after coming off a retreat, and she was very forward with me afterward. But by this point I was too obsessed with another girl to really care, which I'll get into. She is currently in full-on auto rejection, and pretty cold to me. If only I knew what I know now...
Mia
I actually met Mia before I ever met Talia. She was the daughter of one of my dad's best friends. I would play at her house with her and her older sister quite often. She was like a sister to me. Then her dad and mine had a falling out, and I didn't see her until years later, when her family came to my dad's aid during his divorce. My dad had dragged me to dinner at her parent's house, and when I saw her, once again, powerful Love at First Sight. I was an idiot freshman at the time, but we had a lot of fun, and I was smitten, really for the first time since Talia. I'd had plenty of strong crushes, but I could tell this was something more.
Then, like the idiot freshman I was, I just waited for my chance to see her again. No attempt to get her number or invite her to something. It didn't even occur to me. Just waiting for something to happen. As you might guess, I did a lot of waiting. When I would see her here and there, it was fireworks, but that's it.
Finally, as a goddamn
junior, it occured to me that I should try to make something happen. Her parents are the defintion of protective, so I prepared this big speech where I called her dad and asked his permission to ask her out (omg whyyyyyyy). There were weeks of buildup to the call, but when it finally happened, Mia's dad was quick to let me know that Mia had a boyfriend. I was defeated, and mad at myself, because I knew that I had been a total pussy.
Megan
I started forcing myself to meet girls after the "failure" with Mia. I was going to crack this girl thing somehow! It went well at first. Girls liked me, and gave me their numbers. Girls tried to set up dates with me. Girls would have me touch their breasts. I was still clueless, just less so.
Then I met Megan. I remember that day to an uncanny extent. Total fascination upon seeing her. My heart wrenched. She was
perfect. And I knew immediately that she had a huge part to play in my life. Strangely enough I was right, not for the reason I thought though.
Approaching her was the easiest thing I ever did. Just like with Talia all those years ago. We hit it off, but I tried my hardest to be as cool and guarded as possible, which she mirrored a bit. Nevertheless, my intensity leaked through, and we spent the entire speech meet interacting. And then she had to go. Once again, it didn't occur to me right away to go for her number, though after she left I figured out that she wanted me to ask when she said goodbye and waited around expectedly.
I thought about her all week, and when I got to my next speech meet the first thing I saw was her. I gave her a big smile, and she ran up and gave me a big hug. We spent that speech meet together too. This time around, we connected on this gaming app that had chat, and after the speech meet we texted back and forth on the app before transtitioning to iMessaging with our actual numbers. We were so enarmored with each other. And what did I do?
Nothing. I couldn't let myself go after her. I couldn't have a repeat of Talia. We texted all the time for over a month, with her making it increasingly obvious how into me she was, and I did nothing.
Things started to stall out, and I could feel my world slowly unraveling. She wasn't replying as fast as she used to, and not texting me first thing each day. I consulted the internet for help, and that's how I found Girls Chase. But it was too late. I chased after her, but she was past that, went cold, and I was crushed. That following month was the worst month of my life, far worse than going through the chaos of my parent's split. I was in constant sorrow. And I devoured every single article this site had to offer, and then I reread every article (you used to be able to get unlimited access by using incognito/private browsing... sorry Chase!). All in the name of "getting her back". It never happened. I tried over and over, and failed spectacularly each time, making a complete fool of myself. It never happened.
After hitting my absolute low, on February 28th of 2014, I resolved to take what this site had to offer me and gain control over my love life. I started forcing myself to meet and escalate with girls, and had many, many fuckups. But I started getting successes too, including a girlfriend who was head over heels with me, and several hookups. I eventually decided that the Catholic stance toward premarital sex was detrimental (this corresponded with an overall belief overhaul that was years in the making and had been in process for more years), and decided to have sex. A month later, I slept with a stunning girl I met using the material from this site.
I still haven't had a relationship with a girl I liked as much as Megan or Talia or Mia. Hell, I've only met one girl that I liked as much, and I only kissed her. But I have had many other successes. And I'm getting there. That's what this journal is for, after all!
Hector has a video about treating girls regular vs. treating girls special, and in it, he talks about how even he is still working on getting those Fascination girls into relationships, and Absolute Abundance overall. I hugely related to this. Absolute Abundance is the Elysian Fields of seduction and relationship management, and is my Ultimate Goal. Only then will I be content. It's comforting to know even Hector isn't there yet, and inspiring to know Chase has been there awhile. I can't wait. And unknowingly, so can't a lot of women
(That was a ton of background. I won't do anymore, other than a prelude to this semester and my current circumstances. I don't expect anyone to read all that. Enjoy what you will.)