Reaching New Levels of Awesome in NYC

Had a fucking blast last night. Approached all, lead all, kicked ass. Met up with a really cool wingman who is going to go far in game. I know you're reading this man, we'll see each other at the top. He hit me up through my blog and I encourage anyone else to do the same. Go to my about page and send me a message, I literally reply to every single one. Now, to the night.

Super Cute Girl

She was the cutest girl I've made out with in a long time. Possibly all year? I don't know, it's not really that important. What matters is I did the right thing by going for the makeout. Then I did the right thing again by leading her downstairs. However, I did a fucking weak lead. I was unsure of myself and didn't own it. She and her friend actually followed me and my wingman downstairs but I blew it by leading so weak. She instantly knew I wasn't the type of guy she's accustomed to fucking and the set was over. It's a 180 flip from this night when I was drunk, didn't give a fuck and led a girl out of the bar after three minutes and tried to get her into a taxi to go home with me. After three fucking minutes and she almost did it because I was leading so hard. That was a Schwarzenegger lead and last night was a Woody Allen lead. That can make all the difference.

Korean Girl

Saw this cute Asian girl sitting down, using her phone. Went up, said hi, asked her to move over so I could sit next to her. We talked for a while and it was very good. I led her around and she liked me. However, I hesitated going for the kiss. I missed the fucking window and although I eventually tried to kiss her it was too late. Which leads us to the idea of...

The Window

There is this fucking window for you (the male) to make things happen with the girl. Whether that's the makeout or the pull. What makes this window so fucking tricky is that it's different for every girl, and I'm sure it's different for the same girl depending on her situation. So for example, I mentioned last night I missed the window to go for the makeout with my girl. The window happened from about 5 to 10 minutes in the interaction, she was down for it then. After that it was too late, go home and jerk off homie. With this Asian girl the window happened about 3 minutes deep. If there was ever a moment when she would kiss me, that was it.

The window can be fucking fleeting too! It can last seconds, or if the girl is really into you it may last hours or longer. It's tricky because getting it right depends on reading the situation and that only happens after you've fucked up about a billion times. It's some really next level stuff for me because I can see how effectively reading the window will allow me to get multiple makeouts a night and pull with significantly more consistency.

The Troll

This happened two nights ago but I thought I'd share it because I find it interesting. I was in set with my girl and her two friends when some guys busted in with some over the top, lame pickup shit that made him and his two henchmen look like retards. My girls quickly blew them out then we all had a laugh. Still, I'm always excited to see guys going out and trying shit, even if it's horrible and dorky. Later I was walking past their group and got a bit social.

"Hey guys, are you into some pickup stuff?" I ask the ringleader.

"Yeah, OMG how did you know!"

"Lucky guess, I suppose. What company are you with? Do you know there are a bunch of other guys at the bar here?" I say.

"No fucking way, are there really! I can't believe it!"

At this point I realize that I'm being trolled by this guy. If this were a movie I'd have some brilliant comeback that would blow them all away. This is not a movie. My brain does not work that way. It takes me longer to come up with witty comebacks then it did for the dinosaurs to go extinct. I bring this up because it shows that you don't have to be super witty or quick on your feet to succeed at pickup, and you also don't have to judge yourself harshly because you don't live up to the "Hollywood Ideal" of a suave, comedic guy.

I stood there for ten seconds looking like Mac at the end of Cuckoos Nest (post lobotomy), looked this guy in the eyes without saying anything, then walked away. I couldn't think of a damn thing to say, the irony of course being that ten minutes earlier me and my girls were all making fun of him for how weird he was.

Point being, there will always be people who are better at you at things that you think might matter, like being better at trolling people or having quick comebacks, but it doesn't really matter. I could speak like a retard and I would blow that guy out of the water because I'm not trying to be something I'm not, I'm owning who I am.

Leading

This is the most important thing ever. My entire focus in game right now is fine tuning my ability to identify the aforementioned window, and to be the best motherfucker at leading in the world.

I don't think I learned a god damn thing last night. I was drunk, I opened some sets with my wingman, we were out for an hour or two. I had more fun talking to him than I did with any girls. The best thing I did all night was to reapproach a beautiful girl about six times. She never quite blew me out, she sort of shrugged me off. She was with some bearded buttfuck who kept trying to blow me out as well. The last time I approached her she stuck around for a bit and it seemed like she was giving me a chance. Not that I could do much with it. My wingman made out with a girl and she was into him but he couldn't pull because of horrible logistics.

Drinking

I have a love hate with drinking. Over the course of the last 13 or 14 months I've gone out sober 95% of the time and I'm very thankful for that. One of the many problems with drinking is that it numbs my emotions. I don't get the emotional lows that come from taking some unwanted rejections, but I also don't get the divine flow feeling that comes from doing things outside of my comfort zone. About 80% of the time when I drink I wake up in the morning and regret it, today is no exception.

Work Girl

Sneaking into WeWorks is a full time hobby for me and yesterday I was at the one in Hell's Kitchen. Sat down with a cute girl from Trinidad and we talked for twenty minutes. At the end I asked for her number so we could meet up again. She willingly gave it to me, I was expecting to meet up with her next weekend. Texted her and she never responded. Two things, I think my text to her was shit (see a screenshot of it here) and too much investment. Also, during the interaction I could feel a small disconnect between us. I pushed past this and basically forced the interaction to go good. However, if I felt the disconnect the girl did and that could also be the reason she didn't respond. Maybe she was just being nice and didn't want to deny me the number in front of other people who were listening.

This report has the potential to be very fucking good. I was out for 3 hours last night and I learned a lot of informative lessons. Most of them abstract. Here we go.

Trying vs. Being Outcome Independent

This shit is kryptonite. The ideal is to walk up to a girl without caring about whether you sleep with her. The ideal is to be in that headspace where you're having fun, relaxed and really enjoying your night. The massive contrast to this is that you're going out, giving up your time, pushing your comfort zone and consciously choosing to approach massive amounts of women. This is inherently all a form of trying and on nights like last night, it's a-fucking-lot of trying. Last night I wanted to read a book not approach 20 women, I had to consciously get my ass out to Meatpacking and then consciously keep myself hitting it for three hours. Most night it's difficult for me to reconcile this with achieving a carefree, happy-go-lucky mindset which frequently leads to sex. The solution? More time, more practice. The more I approach the easier it gets the more often I can slip into that great headspace. The other solution is to continually remind yourself to focus on the action and not the result. The Bhagavad Gita hammers on this point mercilessly. Do the action for the action's sake, not for the result.

The Click Wasn't There

I noticed how my actions were different from the nights when I crush it. I wasn't high-fiving girls, I wasn't approaching instantly and without thinking. However, I think that even when I'm feeling off I can basically force myself to do all those things and hopefully jump start the motor.

The Wingman Dynamic

I'm going to generalize but I've found the following to generally be true: going into the night you usually have to choose between your wingman and a girl. When you choose your wingman you'll often leave sets that you would prefer to stay in, or you'll talk to girls you might otherwise ignore.

On the other hand, when you're in it for the women you typically lose your wingman early. You'll open a set and like your girl, he doesn't like the friend so he bounces. Ten minutes later he's at a different venue, you're in a different set trying to pull, you've both chosen to focus on the girl. In my experience, it's usually the nights when I choose the women over the wingman when I get laid. The issue is that in an ideal world you and you're wingman will open a two set, each will like the girl, each girl will like him, flowers will drop from the sky and Jocko Willink will offer to teach you about manliness. Unfortunately, it rarely works out like that.

I've noticed that 80% of the time when I go out with my best wingman, who has a perpetually awesome state and pulls multiple times a week, we're lucky if we spend 15 minutes together. If we happen to stay at the same venue then we'll meet again but likely as not we won't. That's placing the focus on the girl and it's the most effective way to get laid. It's also why if you're going out with a non-game buddy you basically can't do game effectively, because at a certain point you'll need to choose the girl over him.

Failing to Take Action

Last night I was out there swimming in circles. My goal when I go out is to pull, everything else is an extension of making that happen. So now I have solid logistics and a bunch of cool excuses to bring a girl home. In set that needs to manifest as me testing for logistics and then seeding the pull. It's important that I remember that I don't have to be making out with the girl to pull her. I think this is an extremely common problem for me, I look for way to many signs before I go for the pull.

Forcing the Positive Reframe

Last night was interesting in that I felt like it was bad and yet the same night, a year ago, would have been awesome. I would have been fucking thrilled in fact. I used that to force myself to reframe it as a positive and to focus on all the things I did right. I didn't leave when I felt like quitting, got back into it. I talked to the cute girls, I did the "tough" sets. I went out for 3 fucking hours when I didn't want to go out for three minutes. These are all good, I do my damn best to keep them in mind.

The Anti-Social Social Club

Apart from pickup I lead an odd, essentially social isolated lifestyle. I live in Airbnbs. When I came to NYC last summer I found it difficult to find a room so I decided to tide myself over with an Airbnb and never stopped. I have literally one friend who is not also into pickup. I work in person with my boss and one other coworker about 18 hours a week and these "work sessions" are essentially the only social interactions I have outside of pickup.

It's easy to criticize my lifestyle and I'm often the first to do it. I've essentially sharpened my life into something which revolves solely around doing pickup at night. This is often glorified on the forums, it sounds fucking cool right? In one respect it definitely is. Even if I quit tonight I would for the rest of my life be a more disciplined, socially savvy, confident person who gets laid more. But on the other hand it's also a little extreme. While I get a massive-fucking-overabundance of introductory interactions with people (aka girls), my lasting relationships are virtually nonexistent. I don't know that there's one wingman who I went out with last August who I still go out with even once a month now.

However, when I look at the average person's life with car payments, insurance, a mortgage, a less than stellar girl, a less than amazing job, a dog, I don't want anything to do with that either. Even the young guys I see in NYC, working finance with their $100,000 a year and sick apartments and bottles, that's not really me either. What I really need to do is optimize my own unique way of living. I should find some cool guys to live with, join a social activity that isn't pickup related and find one or two cool friends who aren't into pickup and hang with them. Will I do it? Who the fuck knows, I plan on moving to the tropics for the whole winter. But the next time I'm ready to settle in a place I will definitely take the time to create a healthier environment than the one in which I live now.

Having Gone off the Philosophy Deep End, to the Night

Had a good possibility to pull a birthday girl but I didn't end up doing it. I just wasn't fucking motivated, she wasn't cute enough. When I thought about sex with her and not getting any sleep, I thought sleep sounded way more tempting. I let that set whither and die. However, one lesson to take is that I kept trying to make out with her but she wasn't having it. What I need to realize is that there's a good chance plenty of girls will be down for "wine and an awesome NYC view at my place" but will not be cool with making out with a stranger in front of her friends. Her willingness to makeout and her willingness to leave with me are not necessarily correlated, I have to remember this.

Early in the night we opened a set and my girl stayed on her phone and ignored me. I made a half-assed attempt to tell her to get off the phone but it sounded pathetic. Next time I will speak louder and with more authority. What I really wanted to do was just leave her but I was in wingman mode, not girl mode.

I opened two girls and they were into me. They were putting their hands around my neck and I thought it was going to be a double makeout, then I made a joke about roofies in one of their drinks. Not even like I was joking that I did it, it was just an offhand comment about drinks lying around. They immediately looked at me weird and left. Never use the word roofies. Nothing to be gained, plenty to be lost.

Arguably the most influential set of the night was a 30 year old woman who looked German. It was the lowest point of the night, about two hours deep. I felt like as much fun as a month old tuna-fish sandwich. However, I did my best open on her and she was very receptive and happy to talk to me. Ten minutes of this brought me back and the next hour was good. Lesson being, keep going. One set has the potential to turn around your entire night.

Second girl of the night was being kicked out of an area. Someone had bought the table and they needed the space. I walked up to her.

"Looks like they kicked you out right?"

She replies "Yeah, they told us we can't sit here. It sucks."

"I believe it though. You don't look like you deserve to sit there. You look like a second class citizen."

Usually after I say something like that I go on to say that I'm just joking and pull her in. But this time I didn't. This time I said it, looked her in the eye, then just walked away. I wasn't trying to be an asshole I just didn't feel like continuing the conversation so I left. A few minutes later I was standing by some couches when she came up to me. With her friends watching she said,

"Excuse me, please get the fuck away from our fucking couches you piece of shit."

I was taken aback for a second but then I shrugged it off, kept standing there doing my thing and left when I damn well felt like it. Ten minutes later I was talking to a Canadian girl and my wingman when the club manager came up, a guy I've spoken to half a dozen times in the last year. He had the girl with him.

"Hey buddy, it's a free club. She's a good person and can sit anywhere she wants, OK. We don't want any trouble, just be polite."

Now everybody around is watching us and the Canadian girl asks why the vibe just turned so ugly. It was like high school! I was punished by the principle because a girl couldn't accept what I told her. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. An hour later this girl approached me a third time and asked where I worked. Presumably so she could call my workplace and have me fired, or at least that's how I interpreted it. So why did it happen? I took away her validation and made her feel insecure. The best way for her to deal with that was to try and knock me down, which failed as I had an awesome night. At the end of it I walked past her and she had some random guy hanging on her back. She found someone to fuck her to bring back the validation.

Other Girls

I felt awesome before I got to the club last night. So when I opened the first girls I immediately led them and it went great. After meeting up with my wingman we opened three girls that we stayed with for more than an hour. This set offers the biggest lessons of the night.

About 20 minutes deep I had a chance to get physical and go for the makeout but I didn't. I was fucking scared man, out of my comfort zone and I didn't push it all the way. That was mistake number one. The even bigger mistake was chasing the girl. She had gone to the bar to get her credit card and I hung back, planned to wait for her to return. But I fucking didn't, I walked up to her and asked a question. It was incredibly needy and killed any attraction. One of the reasons I did it is I didn't know what was going on. I hadn't created a plan and seeded the pull. Ending up losing this set and for good reason. Poor leading, became needy, fucked it up. Next time I would much rather lose a set because I went for the makeout and she didn't like it versus lose it from being timid. Also, be clear in setting up a plan where we all understand what's happening, who is leaving with who and why. That would have helped a lot.

Dancing Girl

Met a girl on the dance floor and we talked then danced. I pulled her in tight against me, I had a boner and I was running my hands all over her body. It felt fucking fantastic. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure how to go for the pull here. She was grinding on my hard dick but she wouldn't kiss me, even though I smoothly went for it several times. That made me think that if I tried to pull her straight out of the club with no pretense she would resist. So I decided to seed the pull. I said,

"What's better, wine or beer?"

"Wine of course!"

"I like wine too. I've got an awesome bottle of it that I want to try out. Let's get out of here and go see how good it is."

She laughed and said no way. Later I told her about the cookie place and said we should go get a cookie. She said no way and eventually left. Interesting set. If she would have made out with me I would have pulled her to the bathroom. However, her refusal to kiss I interpret as her possibly having another guy or just not being interested in one night stands. Also, I give myself a C for how I seeded the pulls. I do better when it's obviously on and all I have to say is let's get out of here and she follows.

Mindset

I had the best possible mindset last night. I felt great about myself and I didn't care about the outcome. I was out for three hours, had several chances to pull but it didn't work out. I didn't care! I was fulfilled and happy whether I had a girl or not. This mindset is several magnitudes more enjoyable than the one where I'm obsessed with the result. And being obsessed with the result isn't necessary! Last night I might have done a poor job of leading and seeding the pull but I did it none the less. I wanted to sleep with a girl, I just didn't care all that much if I did. Inculcating this mindset is a top priority, right up there with effective leading.

It's perplexing to switch between two states. Last night I was in a glorious place where I felt good, I didn't care about anything and every set I opened hooked well. 24 hours later I try to duplicate that and it doesn't work. Sets are short, girls ignore me, things don't go so well. I do my best to let go of the outcome, to relax, to be cool. Doesn't matter, my brain just didn't let me go to that sweet place. That being said, props all around. I approached a lot of sets, I stuck with it and I encountered some success.

I talked to Janelle as soon as I walked in. Then I saw her again later and reopened. Then my wingman opened her and we talked. Finally, we saw her and her friend on the street waiting for an Uber. We talked, the vibe was solid, I joked around about being a male prostitute and got physical. I think I could have kissed her but I didn't. Instead I took her number and set up a date. Will I see her again? Probably not. Really terrible logistics, she lives in the Bronx. But maybe, we'll see.

Also, my buddy opened some girls sitting down and I talked to the cute blonde one. She had big saucer eyes and I think we both enjoyed the conversation. However, he guy friend came in and started to mess with things. I was really happy with how I felt normal though and didn't react. Ended up leaving and this might have been the biggest mistake of the night. Should have stuck it out to see what could have happened. If nothing else I could have practiced seeding the pull.

Opening Well

When I look at the night I can see myself getting punished for not opening well. That is, opening as soon as I see the girl, making my presence felt and having a strong, clear, and loud voice. One thought is that it may depend on how the first set of the night goes. If I open with a strong, dominant frame and get rewarded I'll probably be more likely to open like that all night. But if I do it and get rejected, I might start unconsciously becoming more submissive on the open, in order to avoid rejection, and then paradoxically get rejected even more because I'm being a lil bitch.

Thankfully, it doesn't have to be like this. If I notice myself opening weak and getting rejected because of it, I can take stock and regroup. I can open the next set as best as I know how. This is something I can do which is mostly non-dependent on state or feeling good. Loud, good eye contact, open as soon as I see her.

My Practice

I watched a good video yesterday which dealt with learning pickup and common mistakes. One thing the chap said is that guys will set a goal like "get 20 numbers" versus a more effective goal of "ask for 20 numbers". That way you can determine your success based on your actions (which you control) versus the girl's reactions (which are outside your control). This is great because it allows you to accomplish your goal and feel like a boss no matter what the outcome.

In my nights what I'm interested in is leading. My goal is to try and lead every single set where it seems appropriate. There have been times where I'm lead when it was not called for, but plenty of times where I've not led when I needed to most. I can also focus specifically on "micro-leading" where I'll move a girl a few feet over, then a few more feet. I get more comfortable leading her, she gets more comfortable following.

Took a girl home last night. I started fingering her and didn't stop till I noticed the blood everywhere. My blanket, my sheets, my hand. It looked like scene from Dexter. Didn't really make sense, she wasn't on her period and she wasn't a virgin. She told me she hasn't had sex in two or three years though, maybe that was it. This girl was swaying on the border of what I'll accept to sleep with. I pulled the trigger on it because she was really sweet and it was a layup. She actually pulled me.

Me and my wingman approached her and her friend on the sidewalk. Talked for a while then I suggested we start walking. My goal was to move towards their place. However, all my girl told me was the street name not the neighborhood. I guessed which direction and I guessed wrong. So we ended up walking 10 minutes in one direction then turning around and coming back the same way. It was no biggie but it was a fuckup on my part, next time I have to be clearer on where they live so we hit it right. After a while it started to rain hard and I suggest that we get a taxi. I said,

"Me and my friend will take it with you. Make sure you get there."

That's when we find out my buddy's girl has a boyfriend and that's a no go. My girl comes up to me and says,

"Will you take me home?"

"I'd like to" I reply "But it sounds like your friends boyfriend wouldn't be too keen on us coming over."

"No, take me to your place.."

"I do have some awesome wine that we could open up."

"But I don't want any wine..." She says with a smile while looking into my eyes.

Fairly hard to fuck that up. Call an Uber, go home, destroy my sheets, get a well executed blowjob and then try to get some sleep. She left this morning after we swapped Venmo information. She says dry cleaning takes out blood and she'll pay for it. I'm skeptical my bedding will ever be the same but we'll see.

Other Sets

All around a glorious night. Opened Googles of girls and had a blast. Hit on girls at the bar and girls in the street. Most sets went well, it was a reinforcement of the belief that I'm awesome. This is an important point of my progress right now, inculcating this belief and manifesting it at the club consistently. Often what holds me back is not a lack of technical knowledge but a good headspace. If I can slip into that sweet spot I can crush it.

My expectations for a night have shifted. If I go out I expect to pull. That's my new reality and it's pretty fucking cool. Paradoxically, I'm making the conscious decision to never again have a bad night. No matter what shit happens, no matter how many rejections I get, I'm always going to leave and find something positive to focus on. I'll recognize the mistakes and learn from them, I won't dwell on them.

What Went Right

*About 80 minutes deep I was feeling like a social pariah. I wasn't having fun and I hadn't approached in a dozen minutes. I said fuck it, I've got to make something happen. I approached two of the cuter girls at the bar and even though the conversation lasted 30 seconds I immediately felt 4x better.

*I got a clear idea of what it takes to make every night good, I have to keep approaching. When I'm feeling knocked out the most difficult aspect of approaching is a lack of agency. Right or wrong I feel as though there's no conceivable way I'm getting laid. What I have to do is flip this around and set zero expectations for myself. My only criteria for success is doing the approach, let go of the outcome. This contradicts the idea that I'm at the bar to get laid, but in the moment when I'm feeling less than awesome it's crucial that I lower expectations and focus exclusively on getting myself to take action.

*After 90 minutes I was on the way out the door when I saw one of my wingman who had showed up late. I already had my backpack on and was ready to bounce but he encouraged me to stay a while. So I did and we got in some sets and I talked to a cool guy for 15 minutes. Choosing to stay a while longer was the right thing to do.

What Went Wrong

*One of the first sets of the night was two cute girls sitting down. My wingman opened and I came in. Initially I think my girl was attracted to me and the interaction was solid for about 5 to 10 minutes. Then it fell apart and they eventually left. I was disappointed that I couldn't maintain the attraction and make something happen, I found my girl very cute. However, that leads to the next point.

A Woman's Attractiveness

As the guy, you are responsible for how women react to you. Setting aside those times when you get blown out immediately or the girl has a boyfriend, if you're in a set with potential, your reactions to her dictate how it will go. I found my girl to be awfully cute and I lost my positive-dominant frame because of it. Whereas the girl from Friday night, she was less attractive and I owned that shit. Short of stabbing me in the face with an ice pick there was nothing that girl could have done to throw me out of my awesome reality. She could have told me to eat a bag of dicks, fuck my mother and jump in front of a Greyhound and I would have laughed and called her silly.

The girl last night didn't have to do any of that, her beauty was enough to put me in my head. It's an interesting dynamic and I'm not sure there is a magic pill solution besides going out more and becoming immune to her looks. You can appreciate her sexiness but you don't have to let it dictate your reality.

My wingmen bailed last night so I went out solo. I haven't done that in ages and I was skeptical I'd do well. I knew the answer though. Go out and care about nothing but approaching. Don't worry about the outcome so long as you do the approach. Turns out I didn't need to worry. Two minutes deep I ran into a pair of cool guys I know well and we all started chatting. Some ladies came within arm's reach and my buddy opened the dark haired woman. I started talking to the blonde woman.

She was in very good shape so it was hard to tell but I'm guessing she was 45. We talked for ages and it was the best conversation I've had with a female in quite a while. To find a 25 year old girl with the mental prowess and wisdom of this lady would be the ideal. She bought me a Jameson and then she bought me another. We started making out. She kept telling me that I'm way too young for her but I'm so cute that she didn't care.

I set up the pull by asking her if she has a bar in her hotel, only to learn that she's sharing a room with her sister. That was annoying. I think there's a 50/50 chance I could have pulled her to the bathroom of the club but I wasn't really feeling it. Once you take the ego out of it, a bathroom pull really isn't fantastic. You're having sex in a bathroom. It can smell weird, it's cramped, it lasts about two minutes. I was aiming for real sex, in a bed, with foreplay and blowjobs then the long bang. I invited her to my place in Hell's Kitchen. She was keen on going but her sister was being a jealous bitch and wouldn't let her leave with me.

This behavior disillusioned me somewhat on women. My woman is divorced, she probably hasn't been laid in a while, she finally meets an awesome guy (me) and instead of just being happy for her, the sister turns into a jealous bitch who starts pouting like a 10 year old. I'm thinking seriously? Why can't you just be happy for your sister?

Frustrating, I would have liked to get laid last night, but I'm over it. I'm really interested in these long sets, I feel that I have many lessons to learn. Whenever possible I'd like prefer to stay in set, even if it seems like the chance of pulling is low. It's a good balance to those nights where I do 15 or 20 five minute sets and never go deep.

I have this woman's number. Probably an 80% chance I could get her out to the bar across from my street tonight, have a drink then pull her to my room. With a fucking twin bed man, I live like a college student it's embarrassing. However, with deeper reflection; who cares. This woman likes me a lot, she doesn't care how big my bed is. I've heard loads of stories from guys pulling to places worse than mine and the girls not caring a bit. Will I hit her up for that drink? I suspect I will. It's so fucking in the bag that it'd be like throwing a gift away, and the sex will probably be good. We'll see what happens.

Last night I spoke with a very attractive German girl for half an hour. I don't take this for granted because there are plenty of nights when I would love to have a long conversation with a cute girl but I get quickly blown out. Awesome, but still lots to fix. The most glaring error is that I never tried to kiss her. This created a disconnect because I was thinking about kissing her but I wasn't acting on it. I think that she maybe even would have accepted, she seemed to be pretty into me. Regardless, I ended up leaving the set and that was that. The lesson, hardly a new one, is that I would rather lose the set by pushing it too hard than by playing it safe. Next time I'm with a girl as cute as her I'll go for it.

Despite this, I see it as baby steps. A few months ago I doubt I would have been able to keep up a conversation with a girl this attractive, I would have gotten stuck in my head. This time that didn't happen and I felt great. This shows tangible progress.

Acting vs. Being

Even though I kept the conversation going, I was consciously trying to be funny, outgoing, etc. I left that set and I was mentally exhausted from it, it felt like I had just stepped off a treadmill. As opposed to the girl I brought back on Friday, where speaking was effortless and my entire way of being was pure authenticity, no trying or acting.

Again, baby steps. I've reached the point where I feel calm, attractive and awesome with a majority of average looking girls. It's the most entitled I've ever felt in my life, especially since I used to be a guy who thought that he was bad with girls. Major progress and I see even more progress to come. As I go out and spend more time interacting with the most beautiful women, I believe I'll become more entitled and I'll be able to "be" vs "act". If you're the type of person who goes out a lot you'll know what I'm talking about.

Older Woman

Mentioned that I almost pulled a 45 year old woman yesterday. She gave me her number, good chance I could have met up last night and slept with her. Thought it over, decided that I would rather go to the club and learn lessons versus sleep with her. Also, she already validated the hell out of me by calling me attractive multiple times and saying how awesome I am. Sleeping with her might have been an anti-climax to that.

My promoter friend from way back invited me out last night so I ended up at some random bar in LES. I talked to all of the women he brought out, had some drinks, danced. I had fun and have a few thoughts.

Notes

*Since my friend introduced me to all his girls I had an in, it wasn't like cold approach. That being said, game is still required. I was really interested in a cute blonde girl and I hit on her all night. But whatever I was doing wasn't effective because she ended up leaving without me. I really don't know where I fucked up exactly, I'm not even sure what I would change for next time. Which leads me to the next point..

*When I drink I don't feel like I learn anything. It mutes those emotions that lead to growth and I generally feel blank when I think back on the night. As opposed to being sober where I'm usually conscious of the lessons and I can point out what I would change.

*Last night let me see how you can take the skills you learn from cold approach and parlay them into an awesome social circle. Having a social circle would also be an easy way to get laid frequently without having to go out so much. Distant Light pointed out that cold approach is not the end goal, it's a means to become awesome and to build a healthy social life. That's what I'm aiming for.

Where the hell are all these hot European girls in NYC that I keep missing out on, my last 6 lays have been American girls that moved here from elsewhere.

Oh Pry said:

Where the hell are all these hot European girls in NYC that I keep missing out on, my last 6 lays have been American girls that moved here from elsewhere.

Click to expand...

Hahah yeah finding a native New Yorker is like finding a unicorn. I find a majority of my European girls at Le Bain, that place is a fucking magnet for Germans, Swedes and the Frenchies.

I did some ganster shit tonight. Standing by the exit I noticed a girl six feet away. She saw me and moved closer. This confirmed my fundamental beliefs that I'm amazing and girls love me. I started speaking and her eyes got wide. We had only been talking for a minute or two when her Uber showed up. I grabbed her and pulled her outside.

"Is that your Uber?" I said, pointing to a grey Rav 4.

"Yeah.. It was really nice meeting you!"

"Cool."

Pulled her towards the car and opened the door. She slipped in and I sat down next to her. Said, "I'll go with you. I'm going to get the train anyways, it's close to your place." I had a vague idea of where she lived but know wasn't a time for details. She didn't kick me out but she was obviously nervous. I recognized this and immediately eased the tension. I started telling her about my work, joking about NYC, asking her about LA. When we got to her building I said,

"Let me just come up for a second, I've got to use the bathroom."

She skeptically replied, "Look, I feel like you're trying to get into my apartment. I'll let you use the bathroom but nothing is happening, we literally just met."

She was right. I felt it myself, everything happened too quick. We had been talking for a grand total of 6 minutes and while we clicked there wasn't any comfort. I decided to not push it. Got her number and took a taxi back to the bar. My reasoning for not going up, even after she said I could use the bathroom, was that it was too soon and I could feel her unease. If we had had just 20 minutes together at the bar it would have been a different story.

Other Sets

*Cute Norwegian girl. She was responding well to my physicality and had the big eyes. I was too scared to go for the kiss. I wish there was a more noble truth but there isn't. I chickened the fuck out. I'm pissed because I really, really don't want to lose sets this way. I'd rather lose them because I'm being too bold. I have to override that part of my brain that's a bitch and go for it. It's the only way I'll learn.

*Taylor. We talked for a while but her friend was there. I was laid back, didn't try much and I think that was the right move. However, where I fucked up was in not being proactive. Once I recognized that she liked me but was didn't want the friend to feel left out I should have gotten her number, told her I'd see her in 15 minutes and then bounced. Instead what happened is she started talking to the friend which left me in an awkward situation. I intruded a few times and she always came back to me but not for long. Having a wingman in this set would have been ideal.

*Nadish. Super cute Indian girl, when she asked me what I do I told her I'm a prostitute. The set was going really good until this. Being silly blew it. Some girls like this kind of joking, some don't. I should recognize that as a general rule, if a girl is Indian or Asian she probably respects guys who are hardworking and professionally inclined. Joking about being a whore is not a turn on. She was also professionally dressed, carried herself well and was studying law. All signs that I should paint myself in a more professional light and save the retardation for other girls.

*In general I've stopped talking to girls on the street, girls on the subway, girls on the way to the bar, etc. I think the main reason is that my brain has recognized that I've literally never gotten laid from these types of approach and it doesn't see the point. I'm judging success by whether I get my dick wet. What I should do is look at each of these sets as a chance to become 0.001% less stifled. Also, they're a chance to improve my bantering skills and eye contact. I don't have to get laid, but if I open a 100 girls between now and October that's going to teach me some lessons that I wouldn't get otherwise.

Sometimes this pickup journey gets uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in that I'm becoming a new person and it's an unknown. Even though I love the direction I'm moving in, it still means ditching years of old beliefs and ways of living. The old Leon sucked with girls, the new Leon is amazing. Girls love him. Not only that, but the new me is more disciplined, less intoxicated and harder working.

It's funny to think about how long I've been doing this. Besides NYC I can clearly remember girls I've talked to in Miami, Berlin, Kiev, Denmark, Budapest and London. I'd say there's been 2,000 to 3,000 of them by now but who knows. Anyways, loads of brilliant lessons from last night. I stayed out three hours and spent a majority of that time hitting on the ladies.

Sets

*First girl I opened was tall and rather cute. We had a natural vibe but my wingmen wanted to go upstairs so I followed them. Told her I would come back and marry her. I did come back and we talked for 15 minutes, it was good. I kept leaning in for the kiss but she always turned her mouth away. Finally she said it was time to leave and so I got her number. Actually going to pursue her, the vibe was solid enough that I think bringing it to sex would be easy.

*After I went upstairs I saw a cute girl sitting down. Walked up and sat down next to her. Ended up speaking for 20 minutes. This set taught me lessons and also left me asking questions. For instance, I was interested in the girl I was sitting next to, I found her to be awfully cute. However, the friend kept talking to me and trying to get my attention. At this crossroads I have two options:

1. I can give short, lame answers to the friend and freeze her out. Focus exclusively on my girl. As far as I can tell this is high risk, high reward. There's a greater chance my girl will be into me when she sees me ignore the friend. However, there's a decent chance I'll piss off the friend who will then make the pull impossible. This happened last week at the same club. I froze out the sister, generated lots of attraction in my women but then the sister destroyed the pull.

2. I can pay attention to both women and become the group's friend. Then, once they're ready to go, I can suggest we go to the afterparty at my place. Once we get there though I feel like we still run into problems. Unless some unexpected threesome activity occurs, I'm left escalating on the girl I like while the friend sits there sad and craving attention. There's still a chance she takes the friend and leaves.

So it's really an interesting conundrum that's complicated further by both girls being from Seattle. Tourist girls being less likely to leave each other and go home with a random guy. This is why they call it game, it reminds me of poker. You have an overpair to an unconnected flop. On the button you raise half pot and that slimy bastard on the BB who limped the pot check raises you. What the hell do you do? For my part I payed attention to both girls, lead them to the dance floor, leaned in for the kiss multiple times but she turned her head every time. Eventually the friend pulled her to the bathroom and I never saw her again. Big mistake was not getting the number and planning a meetup in 10 minutes or whatever. I don't think I ran this well.

*Russian girl I talked to for 10 minutes gave me her Facebook. I kept leaning in for the kiss but she turned her head away many times. She's traveling to Berlin soon, I told her I'd hook her up with my buddy in Berlin who throws parties at his house every weekend. Haha the sharks den, four RSD guys under one roof, that's pretty much guaranteed sex for her if she wants it.

Outergame Discussion

*We can see that I leaned in for the kiss with three different girls tonight. They were all attracted, to some degree, and all of them turned their heads away. This drives me fucking bonkers! I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong. There is some subtle subcommunication that's FUBAR and is preventing these makeouts from happening. Trying to figure out the exact problem is like trying to get Donald Trump to stop lying. The only thing I can think of is that I need to just throw caution to the wind and dive in for it. Fuck this leaning in slowly and trying to calibrate. Just fucking plant a kiss on her lips whether she's expecting it or not. I'm going to get plenty of rejections and torch some sets but I think it's the only way to learn.

*I made a ridiculous amount of good decisions last night. I never stopped opening and I was always up for more. After two and a half hours I was ready to leave when I saw my natural friend walking up the stairs. To talk to him was to sign up for more sets, just when I was about to leave. I talked to him and we did another four sets. Also, there were two sets where I was about to approach then veered off at the last moment. Both times I said fuck this, forced myself to go back and approach. They both went well.

*A typical problem with going out on weeknights is that a lot of girls have to work in the morning. I always know this. Within 5 minutes of being in a set I consider it a fuckup to not know who she's there with, whether she has to work in the morning and where she lives. However, this work thing is not helping because as soon as I hear it I never try for the pull. Sure, there are plenty of girls who won't have sex on a work night, but there are plenty who probably will. Girls love sex with cool guys and if it means she gets four hours of sleep or shows up late or takes a sick day, she's down for it. I must stop universally writing off working girls as unpullable.

*Changing up my game, I can see a benefit to getting girls numbers early in the night and seeding the idea of an after party or after drink at another bar. Then I don't have to worry about losing them and if she texts me to meet up I know that it's fairly well on.

Finally pulled from Pianos. This bar is a staple of the NYC pickup scene and despite going there 30 or 40 times I've never managed to get much done. Last night changed that. It was 2:30 or so. I saw a girl standing by herself and I instantly opened. Did the logistics run down and found out she lives in bumfuck Brooklyn. She's out with a friend but the friend is gone baby gone. She tells me,

"I'm just looking for the next thing to do."

Jesus is that about as cut and dry an invitation as there is. I invite her to go to another bar with me and she agrees. We walk there and I buy us both a drink. Sit down, talk, move in closer and then we're making out. Both our drinks are gone, I say,

"Do you like wine?"

"Yeah of course."

"Cool, I've got a bottle of red wine at my place. Let's go see if it's any good."

She gives me a bit of the typical shit about that being my excuse to get her to come to my place and me just wanting to get her alone. The usual, I'm capable of handling this. I acknowledge nothing and she quickly changes her tune.

"OK, yes. I'm cool with getting some wine." She says with a smile.

So we get an Uber, go to my place, drink some wine, fuck, wake up in the morning, fuck again and she's on her period. God dammit, my sheets which I just washed after this incident, are now bloody again. Fucking girls.

Notes

*I've been slacking this August, I'm only hitting it 4 nights a week. That's added up to 14 nights out so far this month. Not great, but what's really cool are the results. I've pulled twice and should have pulled a third time if the sister wasn't being a jealous woman. That's an average pull rate of 1 out of every 7. This is fantastic! I ran the math about 6 months ago and I was pulling 1 out of every 20 nights.

*Before I pulled my girl I had the opportunity to pull another girl. She was into me and loving it. Unfortunately she just wasn't cute enough and there was almost no feminine polarity. I left her thinking that I would rather go home alone than fuck with that. And then I didn't go home alone, I'm glad I didn't settle.

*I give myself congratulations for sticking it out last night. I didn't leave early and was rewarded.

*Other interesting set was a cute South African girl. I really liked her and I wanted to go for the kiss but I fucking didn't. Pissed. And it's OK to be pissed because I'm judging myself on my own action, not on the result. Here's the thing, I think that in these sets I need to make the rule that I go for the kiss within 5 minutes. If I wait longer than that it gets much harder. And I realize there are some girls who simply won't kiss me that early and I'll probably ruin some sets. That's fine, this is about me getting over a sticking point and defeating a fear. It's going to lead to massive long term progress, even if I fuck some shit up in the short term.

*I wasn't planning on mentioning this but fuck it. I liked my girl, found her cute, was interested in seeing her again. I seeded ideas of meeting again and it seemed like she was down. Then I fucked it up this morning. We woke up around 7:30 and I was horny. I was spooning her and my hard dick was on her back. I started rubbing her leg and shoulder. The thing is, she was giving me nothing. No signs at all and I was unsure of myself. What I really wanted to do was put her face down and pile drive her into my bed. Instead, I started to back off because I wasn't sure (feeling like a lil king bitch of Bitchalot).

As soon as I backed off she gave me some signs and I reescalated and we ended up fucking. But it wasn't very good. The spark was missing and I ended up losing my boner. It was a total quagmire. She left shortly afterwards. I think the issue is that I had a chance to ravage her and really give her a unique experience but instead of doing what I wanted (pile driving), I took the weak route. That was dumb. The first route would have been passionate and powerful and I think I would have seen her again. Now, probably not. I came off as a herb and I could see a noticeable change in her attitude towards me.

Last night I saw a guy who I see a couple of times a month. He's been going out for two years, he's the assistant of a well known dating coach and he gets laid all the time. We shook hands in the bar then went our separate ways. Later, leaving the bar, I saw him outside. I thought I'd say whatup, bullshit for a few seconds then leave. That never happened though. I walked up and he barely acknowledged me. Then he slowly turned away, ignored the fuck out of me and froze me out. Man, it would be cool to say something like,

"Fuck him bro" or "Who cares, he's a dumbass" or whatever.

But nah, that's not how I feel. I felt like shit about it. It sucks to be treated like that, especially when it's someone who you respect. I can understand his reasoning, he probably gets random guys approaching him a lot and he was with a client. However, I think the way he handled it was shit. He could have given me twenty seconds of attention then said,

"Look man, I'm with this guy who is paying me to coach him. I can't really talk right now."

I would have left feeling good, he would have remained high in my esteem and the world would have been a better place. Instead I feel crummy, I think he's a bit of a schmuck and he's set a poor example for a guy who is paying to learn from him. However, the whole point is not me to bitch about my feelings. The point is, I DO NOT want to be like this. I'm in pickup to learn how to bang girls and to become an overall cool guy who respects men and women and leaves a favorable impression on everyone. No matter what's happening I can always give someone 20 seconds of time before I tell them that I'm busy and they should go. I think that this is so much better than virtually ignoring a person who takes the initiative to come up and say hi.

Another lesson (this time I'm at fault): better to give 100% attention for 1 minute than 80% attention for 3 minutes. For example, twice last night I was with a girl I wasn't really into. Both times I started fidgeting, looking around and scanning the environment. Fine, that's fair. I wanted to find other women to open. However, I always want to give my full attention to the person I'm with at the moment. No matter who it is or how uninterested I am. It's the Bill Clinton principle. People always say that when you talked to Clinton it felt like you were the only person in the world to him. That's what I'm after and I think it's way better to give that attention to someone for a little while than distracted attention for a longer amount of time.

Apart from that I don't have much else. I got a fairly hard blowout where a girl's friend physically shoved me off then turned her back on me, blocking me out. Then that thing with the pickup guy and I left feeling crummy. That's OK though, I tend to rebound from these things and kick even more ass. Tonight is a great party at my favorite club in NYC and I plan to get laid.

Went out solo last night. I almost always run into someone at the Wednesday spot but none of my wingmen were there last night. I sat down next to a cute blonde girl but she was married. I walked around until I heard a girl speaking German. I started talking to her, she invited me back to her table where she had some friends. That's how I spent the rest of the night. We spoke a bunch of German, vibed, had a good time. I stayed with the group for two hours then left the club. A couple of lessons.

Notes

*There were two German girls. One was with a guy, one was single. I had two windows in which to kiss my German girl and I passed on both of them. Since the vibe was mostly friendly the whole night I was thinking that I could just roll with that and kiss her later. But it didn't work like that. After I missed the second window to kiss her she withdrew all attention from me and I was done. Interesting. I don't know how the fuck guys maintain platonic relationships with women, that rarely seems to work out for me.

*I had the limiting belief that I couldn't pull my German girl because she's a foreigner and staying with some guy on his couch. Generally, yes. Foreign girls will be less likely to split off from the group. However, this one was crazy and wanted to get laid. I could have absolutely gone for the pull. Big lesson here is to push for it and then calibrate after. Never assume that I know what's up. Fuck limiting beliefs, they hold me back.

*These two German girls were freaky. I think that if one of them wasn't marginally with a guy it could have easily turned into a threesome. I had a really solid vibe with the two of them and I could have led that to the bedroom.

*I literally fucking say this every other field report but I have to be going for the kiss. I have to power through whatever bullshit is happening in my head and just make it happen.

*A pickup guy I follow made a really good point: in order to become comfortable talking to the high quality women you have to spend as much time as possible talking to them. It seems so obvious but I hadn't really put that piece together yet. So it's like this, when I was first starting I had to continually challenge myself to stay in set and not bounce. At this point I have that down. Now I need to challenge myself to stay in set *with the cutest girls*. Before too long it's going to reach the point where I can pull 2 or 3 average girls a week and that will be cool as hell. However, I'm really thinking bigger picture. I want amazing women in my life.

Pickup is fun! Last night was glorious. I had some drinks then met up with my wingman. First club sucked so we went to my favorite place in NYC. Upstairs met up with my natural friend and we started opening everything. Found some Canadians. He started making out with his, I pulled mine off the couch and started making out with her. He left and I danced some with my girl. She said she had to use the bathroom so I took her there. Pulled her into a stall but she was not down for anything. I left, never saw her again.

Met up with my buddy, same thing happened to him. Pulled his Canadian girl to a stall but nothing happened. Left the club, bounced all around. Ended up with this super cute girl sitting on some steps outside a club. Talked to her for 20 minutes maybe. I was hoping my buddy would leave us alone, I thought there was some chance I could have pulled her to my place. We were a block from my building. I invited her over for some drinks but she declined.

After a while I was done talking. It was almost 3. Eventful night. I'm looking forward to the coming months when I think I'm going to start pulling an awful lot. My inner game is fairly fucking solid, I'm going to pull more as I figure out some outergame stuff. How to deal with objections, how to isolate better, how to lead more effectively, etc.

I'm mentally exhausted from pickup. My голова doesn't know what to make of it all. Went out last night and ran into everyone. Leaving the first bar I bumped into a wingman and we bounced to another bar. Opened a bit then we separated. Collided with another wingman who I almost got an apartment with. We opened for half an hour then it broke up. Another wingman showed up but I was talking to a cute girl so he bounced. Didn't see him again. Standing outside the bar I saw my natural friend. I've been out with him the last two nights, tearing shit up. I shouted him over and we spent the rest of the night opening everything. This guy is one of the few people I've ever met who opens more than me, he's an animal. Stayed out till 2:30 then called it a night.

Notes

*Social calibration is overrated. My natural buddy seems to ignore most social conventions and he told me that he's slept with 40 or 50 women this year. However, he ignores social conventions in a productive way. He said to me,

"Man, I've fucked so many girls this year that I just don't give a fuck. I'm crazy, I'll do anything! I give a fuck if she leaves."

*I got sucked in by my friend last night and I wasn't acting like my normal self. I used to be a weird little dude who over analyzed the living fuck out of social situations in a really creepy way. I don't do that anymore but I am aware that I need to find a way to keep my level of awesome up, even when I'm with a dominant guy. I think that comes down to opening my own sets and being more independent. By the end of the night he was opening 90% of the sets and he had the momentum.

*Although my friend blows me out of the water when it comes to sleeping with women, he did say that I'm better than him at keeping a conversation going. He says he runs out of stuff to say sometimes. That was cool to hear, given that when I started this was a problem for me as well. I've come a long way.

*We did try to stop several groups of models. They were not having it. I was not having it, my brain had shut down 45 minutes ago. Nobody was having anything.

*Best part of the night was the 15 or 20 minutes I spent talking to this really cute girl. It was great, there were 2 or 3 times I could feel this weird feeling of self-sabotage rising. That little voice that wants me to say something totally stupid and act weird to fuck it up. I squashed that bitch. I asked for her number and she said no but that's OK. I was really just looking that I asked, I can't control the response.

The best part of last night was one particularly difficult set. I saw an unusually cute girl dancing. Guy or two, girl or two with her. Whatever, I go in and do my best conceivable approach. I can immediately feel the pressure of 4 people focusing on me. It's epic. I say nonsensical things to this girl, I recognize that at this moment my actual words account for 2% of my success. 98% depends on how I comport myself. I own the pressure as best as I possible can until her friend blocks me off. Then she turns around and physically shoves me away. I refuse to leave, I'm not talking to the girl, I'm not bugging anyone, I'm just standing there. But I won't move. The guy starts to get involved, I ignore him. The girl tries to get me to leave again, I won't budge. The social pressure was epic. I got the largest rush that I've had in a while.

Moments like this are good because I can feel myself becoming less reactive. If I can withstand this kind of social pressure, the regular stuff is a breeze by comparison. Just like a guy who's benching 300lb would think it's a joke to do 135. Other than that crazy set, the usual. Met up with a cool new wingman, we worked our way through LES and opened a bunch of sets. A few things worth talking about.

Notes

*My first six sets or so I was mimicking attractive behavior. I was trying to consciously control all my mannerisms to conform to my general idea of what women find attractive. Cocky, funny, breaking report, silly, having fun, etc. But damn, those girls don't fall for it for a second. I hardly had 2 minutes of talking time with six sets combined. Then I dropped the act. I walked up to a cute Asian girl and started asking her some regular questions. No cocky funny, no acting, no over-the-top bullshit. We talked for quite a while and at the end, when I asked for her number, she said she had a boyfriend but she thought I was awesome.

Man, this is a bit of a mind fuck for me. I've consciously or unconsciously associated this outgoing, player persona with getting laid. However, last night it wasn't working and the fucking second, the very god damn second, that I dropped it was the moment I had a great interaction and the girl really liked me. Honest expression is not flashy but it's better game. I'm not being the craziest guy in the room, but I'm communicating a lot of value by doing a good approach, having good eye contact, being 100% comfortable, engaging the friends, creating an interesting conversation, etc. That flashy bullshit stuff is sort of fun and it looks cool but the results are poor.

*Yesterday at work I saw an exceptionally beautiful girl. I was instantly pissed at her. God fucking dammit, how is life fair. She's just born like that and here I am busting my fucking ass, putting in hundreds of hours of effort and still not even hooking up with a girl this cute. Fucking life. I was in a negative headspace yesterday and I knew it. When I'm in a regular or good headspace I don't think like that. I realize that game is teaching me awesome lessons and I also usually feel fucking amazing when I go out. In fact there are nights where I pull, have sex and then think, damn. That orgasm didn't feel as good as that 7 minute rampage I went on.

I'm striving to cultivate an amazing inner environment where I'm consistently in a good mood and I'm not seeking external validation. Once I have that environment I will not be chasing girls, they will be coming to me. It's like my Dad's plan. He has 100 acres of property and he likes to go deer hunting. Instead of going all over trying to find a single deer, he planted a bunch of apple trees and created an environment that attracts the deer. Now he has more than he and ten friends could ever want. No chasing, the deer come to them. That's what I'm trying to do with girls. My headspace has to eventually reach the point where I'm no longer chasing, girls are the one fighting to be with me.

*Girls want you to be attractive, they want you to be cool, they want you to succeed and everyone to get laid. I talk to my sister a lot about guys and I see it from her perspective. She has certain standards and will shoot guys down, but she's also very willing to accept dorky behavior, stupid mistakes, awkward bullshit, whatever. She's not trying to destroy guys. Girls at the bar may test us to find out what we're made of but deep down they want us to succeed.