Reaching New Levels of Awesome in NYC

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
Hello all,

I've been going for ten months, about five nights a week. When I started off I was like most other chaps, scared shitless of approaching. To do three approaches in one night was a big fucking deal haha. I vividly remember the first phone number I got, I felt like a million bucks. Since then I've pulled sets from the streets, hooked up with some great girls, hooked up with some mediocre girls, fucked in the bathroom, gotten great head, gotten rejected so many times I've lost count, gotten banned from clubs, burned clubs to the ground, met some awesome wingmen, met some shitty wingmen, seen a few celebrities, and in general had a full out blast.

At this point I would say I'm transitioning nicely out of being a newbie and moving into the intermediate stage. I've got a shaky but decent grasp on all of the fundamentals and I'm focusing mostly on making every night fun, keeping my energy levels high and maintaining the vibe of "I'm awesome!". Plus always going for the pull...

I've decided to do a 30 day challenge for April, although in general I go out 5 nights a week. I love to write detailed field reports so if that's your cup of tea you're in the right thread! Let's get started with the report from last night.

Monday in NYC

Interesting Monday night in LES. I actually feel like I did a lot of things very well, no glaring errors. That being said I didn’t pull so obviously some things to learn. Let’s look at it.

Met up with my wingman at an infamous NYC bar but there were no sets. We were leaving just as two girls were about to walk in. This is where game shines, it teaches you to react quickly because situations are always changing. The one girl is already about to hand her ID to the bouncer, the other girl is behind her. I reach out and open the girl closer to me, I don’t even remember what I said. I had no plan. I just knew I had to get them talking and get the pulled away from the bouncers. It works. I hold a fun frame, we introduce ourselves, and after 45 seconds I say:

“It sucks in there, we just left. Let’s go to a club right down the street, my friend has a table.”

I met this guy with the table last November and I have no idea if he’s still hosting but it’s worth a shot. We walk over, get upstairs and I see my promoter friend so we’re good. The vibe is awkward for a second and I can feel it but I don’t let it become a thing, I hold the frame of I’m awesome and we’re all having fun. I get my girl a drink and after a bit of talking we start making out. She’s into me, her friend is into my wingman, she doesn’t have to work tomorrow, she lives in Brooklyn (notice, find out what a girl’s logistics are! If you don’t know where a girl lives and if she has work in the morning within 5 minutes of meeting her you’ve fucked up) and everything is looking good. I seed the pull by talking about the pizza place in Williamsburg. Then chat, chat chat, makeout, makeout, and I say:

“Let’s get out of here. Let’s go grab some pizza.”

No. She won’t do it. Chat, chat, chat, makeout, makeout, I try again. No, she won’t do it. Move her away from the table and over to the bar. Amp up the energy, make the vibe super fun, employ my most sultry voice. Chat, chat, chat, makeout, makeout, go for the pull. Again, no. She won’t do it. Then my wingman comes over with his girl, says we should all go to a different bar. So we do. When we get there it’s empty, so I say to my girl:

“This place sucks. Come on, let’s go grab some pizza.”

No. So we leave, go out on the sidewalk. I try to stop my girl and flag a taxi down, she refuses. She’s getting more logical. By now it’s pretty obvious this isn’t happening. I’ve gone for the pull half a dozen times and there’s now way. We end up talking a bit more and I find out she’s never done a one night stand in her life. I ask her if she wants to change that, say this is a great opportunity. She says no way. I admit defeat, leave the set, go back to the bar.

Open a girl with pink hair. She’s giving me zero signals that she wants me there but I plow so fucking hard because I’m in a great mood and why not. She’s giving me nothing. I run out of things to say so I improvise.

“Oh my god. This gum I’m chewing is so fucking good. It’s the green Orbit, it’s my favorite flavor in the world. I’m such an awesome person, I’m so cool. Just me standing here is amazing. Look at my hair. Oh my god I’m so happy that this bar has mirrors so that I can look at my hair.”

It’s fucking ridiculous but it’s funny as shit. This girl is saying all sorts of obviously illogical and obviously stupid things to me like:

“Who the fuck are you!?” and “I don’t give a shit” and “Well aren’t you fucking special” and “Get the fuck out of here”

I don’t care. I ignore her, keep smiling, keep thinking I’m awesome, keep plowing and plowing until I get physically forced to leave by her girlfriend (they made out in front of me. Whenever two girls say they’re together I always tell them to prove it by kissing) who pushes me away to the point where people were looking. It was awesome. I wanted to find another set immediately but the bar was dead. It had started raining, everything was lame, I went home feeling fantastic.

Notes

*As far as I know you can’t really screen to see if a girl does one night stands. It’s not like you can just come out and ask it (or can you?). In terms of how the set was going this girl was acting just like other girls I’ve pulled so I didn’t know. What I’m saying is I don’t exactly feel like I wasted an hour with this girl because we had fun, but I wish I had left sooner. On the other hand, I also believe in persistence and not leaving too early in case you can make it happen in the end. So I’m really not sure what the right move was here. Did I do the right thing sticking in so long and losing other potential sets? Should I have left after half an hour after I had already tried to pull four times and gotten nowhere? It’s an interesting question to reflect on. I certainly don’t think I fucked up because I took lots of action, but I think I could have spent a bit less time figuring out the girl simply was not going to get pulled.

*New York nightlife is disappointing as fuck. I know that there’s a hot party every night at one of the top clubs, but really is that it? Is there seriously only one good party in all of NYC on a Monday? At 1am I could only find a single set to open and she turned out to be a lesbian who was incapable of recognizing how awesome I am. I want to move to Las Vegas where I can open to my heart’s content.

*I did a good job seeding the pull but I could have been a bit smoother. I suppose it will come in time though. I only “discovered” the idea of seeding the pull a little while ago (I talk about it about in this report from a few weeks ago) and I’m still figuring out how and when to use it most effectively.

*Girl I met on Saturday agreed to a date this Friday. Will she flake on me? Who the fuck knows. My text game is nothing spectacular. It would be cool if it happens though because our date is set up for earlier in the evening so when it goes well and I close I’ll still have time to go out later and go for two closes in one night
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
It's interesting how standards change over time. Tonight I failed to makeout with anyone and so I consider it not such a good night. Even though I had fun with my wingman, talked to eight or ten girls, got the number of an attractive woman, that's become normal. I need a makeout or two to consider it a good night. In six months or a year it may reach the point where I don't feel it's a good night unless I pull. After that it might not be a good night unless I pull a stunner. Then not a good night unless I pull a threesome. The rabbit hole has no bottom, but that's OK. I'd like to start off this report by giving a detailed explanation of a situation and seeing if anyone has thoughts on how to handle it. Me and my wingman didn't know the answer.

Scene: we're with a two set in a basement lounge. My girl isn't really into me. I haven't burned it down, it's whatever, but nothing is going to happen. On the other hand it's going great for my wingman. His girl is horny, she's playing with his dick on the dance floor and they're making out. She's down for an adventure. However, problems arise. This lounge is tiny and a bathroom pull is not possible. We could go to another bar but leading there is hard because my girl isn't into me and so it's difficult to pull off. My wingman's girl won't leave outright with him because she's with the friend and they're both from New Jersey and so they have a strong incentive to go home together.

What's the right move here for my wingman?

We were stumped. After a while we just said that logistics got the best of us, my wingman set up a date and we left. But that's not ideal. Getting this girl out again will be a challenge and the same night lay would have been ideal. Any thoughts?

I opened sets all night but nothing was fully clicking. I was a little bit off. Especially compared to the awesome vibe I had last Thursday when I was crushing it. I don't even remember if I made out with any girls that night but I was just in this great zone. Back to tonight, in the set I mentioned above with my wingman, in retrospect I can see that I missed the opportunity for the makeout with my girl. It was there at about four minutes deep. The puppy eyes, the solid eye contact, everything. I didn't realize it until it was too late though. The window had passed. What's really interesting though is that I noticed it at all. That's a sign of my game getting better. I never would have seen that even a few weeks ago.

Another girl at the second bar of the night was giving me puppy eyes but I couldn't make it happen. I think one reason is that my physicality was too hit or miss. Like I would go in for the claw and hold it just to the point where it was sexual then back off. And touch her but just do it for a second then back off before it got serious. I notice that in general I do this too much. Let's call it pecking physicality, instead of dominant physicality. I have to work on this, especially when I'm feeling off. I don't have to be in state to just hold physicality. Just become aware that I'm doing pecking physicality, and stop doing it..

That being said, I think that in some situations I'm being 400% too physical. I think that in terms of getting the pull I would be much better served by being more indirect and using my verbal game and seeding the pull to get the girl out of the bar. Shit, I might not even kiss her till she's back in my room. That's fine, it doesn't matter. I don't have to be making out with a girl to pull her, that's a limiting belief.

Notes

*Even when it's not fun, this shit is so much fun. I'm so glad I've stuck it out this long, it's so much more rewarding to play at this level. I'm no longer exerting massive willpower to force myself to approach that three set. Instead I'm thinking about how to best approach it and which girl to go after. I'm not having my emotional reality dictated by every action of the girl, I'm feeling good no matter what. And loads of other stuff. The first nine months were a bit of a bitch but things are quickly changing..

*As best I can count my wingman madeout with three girls last night. Motherfucker, that's a big notch I want to cross off my list that I've not been able to do yet.

*Subway approaches. I haven't done another once since a week ago even though I think I saw thirty attractive women on my way to work today. Something has to change.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
Last night I really, really did not want to go out. In my first months of going out that feeling was caused by fear and anxiety. Thankfully that's gone away but last night was something worse. Apathy. I didn't care about getting laid, meeting a cool girl, having fun, or doing anything to make myself a better person. All I wanted to do was go home after work (I get out at 10:30) and watch Rick and Morty reruns. God that would be cool. Fuck it, why not! Let me just stop by the club real quick first, just to make sure it still exists..

Usual Wednesday spot, doorman lets me right in. Upstairs I see my friend and she invites me to the table of the guy who's hosting the party. I could get free drinks all night and have a grand time if that's what I'm into. But I'm not. Even though sometimes drinking would help me enjoy the night quite a bit more I feel 300% better being sober.

I go to the dance floor and see this very attractive blonde girl dancing by herself. She's the cutest girl in the club as far as I'm concerned. I go talk to her. She's Ukrainian, I speak some Russian to her. She smiles and we talk a bit. I don't push it anywhere though, I just let it fade out. She walks away. I make repeated eye contact with the second cutest girl on the dance floor. I walk up and introduce myself. She's Brazilian (how hard is it to meet an American chick in NYC?). Again, it goes pretty well but I don't push it. She dances off to some other spot. A few minutes later I'm standing away from the dance floor when a cute girl walks by. I open her without thinking, it's like a reflex, like when you're playing a video game and you blast some motherfucker before you even realize you've seen him. This girl is very receptive and nice, an enjoyable human being. We joke a bit then I just stop talking and let her go.

All three girls I've opened have been attractive, receptive, and fun. All three of them I've put zero effort into and tried nothing. I'm not sure if I need someone to slap my face and tell me to man up, or if I should take a few days off to compose myself. I think taking a few days off would be awesome and that I would come back with a totally different attitude. I would be my normal self who pushes sets to the fucking limit and goes for the win. But I've committed myself to a 30 day challenge and it's only 6 days into the month. My feeling is that long term it's more important for me to keep my commitment to myself and go out every night versus take a break and come back refreshed. Even if it causes me to lose some sets to apathy in the coming nights, I think the discipline of sticking to my word cannot be underrated.

Tonight I have about zero fucking desire to go talk to girls. Tonight I will go talk to girls. Maybe one of my wingmen will hit me up, otherwise I'll hit up some hipster joint in Williamsburg. Hell, maybe something will click and I'll end up getting back into my normal kick ass state.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
I have a new idea about leading. I'm 100% sure that my current thinking is wrong. Right now I make out leading to be this big event that I have to plan ahead and justify with good reasons and all this bullshit. As a result I don't do it enough. I sometimes let sets fade and die because I'm too nervous to lead, even though leading would probably solve a great deal of my problems. So I have this idea. From the beginning of the set I can start "micro-leading" and then build it up from there. Example.

I open a girl and introduce myself. Within thirty seconds I move her two feet over so that less people will bump us, or because the lights better, or who gives a fuck, it doesn't matter. What's important is that I break that initial leading barrier right there and start the interaction off with the idea that I'm the leader. Then a few minutes later I move her ten feet away. Then to a secluded area to makeout. And so on. Instead of making leading this big deal that I only do once or twice in the set, I break it up into a whole bunch of small chunks so that when I go for the pull it's my 11th time leading and it's natural for her to say yes. I'm bringing this up because of a set from last night. I'm proud of what I did but I also could have done better.

Me and my wingman walk into the bar and I immediately open a three set. I hook onto my girl and after five minutes, on an emotional high point, I pull her away from the group towards the wall. She follows me but then asks why I pulled her over there.

"Because I like dark spaces" I reply.

Yeah, not a good line, sounds creepy. We ended up talking for another ten minutes but it went nowhere. I noticed that my girl kept looking at her friend. I also noticed that she gave me makeout eyes but the window was very narrow. The neurons in my brain still don't fire fast enough on that. It takes me a while to see it, register it, think of a response, and by the time all this goes on I'm stuck in my head and it doesn't go smooth. Regardless, I'm very happy with the way I isolated my girl on an emotional high point, that was great. However, what I could have done better is lead more. There's an inside area of the bar and I could have led her there, told her I wanted to see if my friend is bartending. This would have been a secluded area to makeout in.

I end up getting this girl's number but I'll never see her again. Not a strong enough connection. I leave that bar, go to the club. I see a couple of guys I know, we chat a bit. I stay there for an hour and open everything in that club worth opening. I talk to a German girl for fifteen minutes but it stalls out because I failed to lead. I don't know why I'm nervous to lead when it's the thing that will help me to salvage a lot of sets. I have to train my brain to do this AB process:

A - There's an emotional high in the interaction right now
B - Lead her somewhere, anywhere

As I get better at doing this I expect my interactions to go much better and to have more success. It will also help me to determine who is down for a ONS and who isn't. The quicker that you can find that out the quicker you can move on to a different set, or go for the pull.

Notes

*I mentioned in my last report that I feel apathy towards pickup at the moment. I think this is wrong. I think that it's totally the opposite. I think that I care so much that it's painful and I repress it by telling myself I don't care. I'm sick of losing girls that I find fun and attractive. I'm sick of getting to know girls and then they leave because my game isn't good enough. It hurts man.

Right now what I want more than just about anything is for a cute girl to like me and want to be in my life, and yet on a logical level I know that by wanting it I'll never get it. I'll only get it when I don't need it. Learning game at this stage is a major mindfuck for me and I'm sorting through some difficult and murky emotions. I used to handle this by drinking beer, but now that I'm sober I have no outlet. Much healthier in the long run, but it forces me to stay with these emotions and they're starting to get pretty epic.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
The thing about making progress is that it happens so gradually that sometimes it doesn't feel like progress at all. That's game for you. It's an infinite series of 0.02% improvements. The "secret" to game is to go out and approach as many nights a week as possible. People ask what the "secret to success" is. I read a lot of books and I've found out the answer.

Hustle. Do the work.

It's that fucking simple. All the tricks, knowledge, good material, sales courses and fancy consultants mean nothing if you don't work hard. I'm not making this shit up. I've "known" that hustle is the secret to success for a while, but I just read in a book that after interviewing dozens of highly successful people, hard work was rated the number one determiner of success. That's good, because...

I hustled tonight, I put in the work. I opened twenty-five sets. We started at the usual weekend spot in Williamsburg. It was surprisingly dead. Get inside and I started opening everything. I bounced from set to set with no more than ten seconds in between. It was glorious but the results were not there. Probably too early in the night, girls still wanting to speak to friends not stranger. After opening a majority of the sets here we end up leaving to go to another bar.

Get there and start opening. Sets aren't really sticking though. It's weird, I'm in the zone, feeling good, doing great approaches but things are not going as well as I would expect. I wonder if it has something to do with my wingman? He has little game and can hardly hold a convo. I wonder how much that affects the interaction in general? I remember last Tuesday opening with my natural buddy and the vibe was electric, you could have run an air conditioner off of it. Tonight was the opposite. So I get the feeling that a wingman can have a noticeable effect, especially since girls often check to see if their friends are having fun.

Around 2am I find a cute skinny blonde girl and stay with her for twenty minutes. We vibe, she gives me makeout face, her eyes look like she's on molly her pupils are so wide. I go for the makeout but it's not smooth, it's not the right moment. I fucking know it's not the right moment but I go for it anyways because I have to go for it, I can't just ignore it. She turns her head away, I act like nothing happened and we talk for another ten minutes. I get her number, talk some more and then she leaves. A few minutes later I reopen her and in twenty seconds give her a kiss on the lips. She seems surprised and sort of runs away. Weird, didn't expect that. It puzzles me, I stop seeing the potential for good things to happen and I say to my wingman:

"I'm fucking done man, let's get out of here."

We get to the sidewalk and I have an existential crisis. After how much I've fucking bitched about NYC sucking on weeknights and not being able to find sets, I can't leave now when there are still girls to open. We go back inside. I want to reopen my blonde girl when I find her. I tried for the pull earlier and she wasn't down. However, I thought maybe one more try and she would leave with me? But I bitched out of reopening because she was with some flannel shirt motherfucker. Damn.

Instead, I go around and open another three or four sets instead. Then blonde girl's friend approaches and we talk. I see blonde girl again but fail to approach. I'm scared. I feel like I don't have a lot to offer and way she ran off after I kissed her doesn't inspire me with confidence. I end up not opening her again and I'll regret it for days. Fuck, I needed that reference experience.

Notes

*It feels like it's harder to get better at this stage. Six months ago opening 25 sets and staying out for 3 hours would have been massive progress. Now, I learned some things and it was a very solid night, I pushed myself hard right up until the very end (when I bitched out) but I don't feel like I made massive progress. Just normal progress.

*There are two things that I have to stop saying. One, don't talk about a girl's height if she's very tall. Two separate girls, both abnormally tall (like 6 feet or more) have blown me out for saying "You're very tall". They're probably super insecure about it and don't like hearing it. Never bring it up again. The other thing is I still sometimes say retarded shit like "I'm only a serial killer on Mondays" or other crap about killing people. Girl's don't think it's funny, I don't think it's funny, it's just bullshit. Stop saying it. This particular form of edginess achieves nothing and can make me look genuinely weird.

*My makeout game needs serious work. I'm going for it at the wrong moments and I'm not doing it smoothly. To be fair my ability to makeout with a girl has never been better in my life, it's a new high for me. But it fails to live up to my standards for what it should be. I have a lot of work to do here.

*I was doing some leading last night but not enough. I must be leading! In every set I should be focusing on these two things

1. Going for the makeout
2. Leading within the first few minutes

These are big and will be crucial in improving my game. I already do the makeout thing, except for girls I find exceptionally attractive. I tend to bitch out on doing it if she's very cute, so I have to amp that up. No excuses, go for it.

*The more I do this, the more I realize that "game" is drawing state from within and holding the awesome frame no matter what reaction the girl gives me. It's like I could be talking to a brick wall, or some stunning women who is telling me I'm ugly, and my mood would be exactly the same and I'd be saying the same things.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
Last night was a team effort, it would have not been possible without my wingman. We both pushed each other to go farther and do more. As a result we got in four solid hours of pickup across four venues in two different neighborhoods. I made out with two girls but that's neither here nor there. The biggest fucking thing from last night:

I recovered from feeling like a chode, stayed out instead of going home, and had an awesome second half of the night.

Man it felt good, and it happened because of my wingman. At the first venue he was with a girl and it was going good. They were making out on some couches and he was talking about pulling. I was off doing my own thing and it was not going well. I was getting into my head, feeling disconnected and like I was incapable of having fun. The worst frame you can be in. I was praying that my wingman would pull so I could leave without losing face. But he didn't, instead he suggested we switch venues.

Walked over to a bar in LES that I've never been too. Inside I met Mara and we made out shortly after getting introductions out of the way. I was immediately thinking pull. She was cute and into me. I suggested getting pizza a block away and started making moves to get us out of the bar. Then I found out her friend is visiting from California and staying with her on her couch. Insurmountable logistics. I get her number, we leave.

Meet two girls on the street and we walk with them to another bar. By the end of the 10 minute walk my girl doesn't like me. In fact she just about can't stand me. Polarizing, when it works, is a powerful tool. When it doesn't work the girl really, really doesn't like you haha. Me and my wingman still make it to the bar with this group though and I open the first girl I see inside. We talk and talk, then I go for the makeout. No, she won't kiss me. I try again, and no. We talk, and then I try again. And no. But she wants to kiss me it's obvious. So I try a fourth time and when she ducks away I forcefully lift her chin up so she can't dodge me anymore and it works, we make out. When I tell her that we should get some fresh air outside she laughs at me. No way is she getting pulled, she disappears off into the night.

Me and my wingman walk around, looking for other places. We talk a lot about game. Some of the common problems we face, how long it will be till we're good, how ridiculous it is that guys quit before they get good. And so on.

Final bar of the night is a dud. It's 3am and we decide to call it a night. On the way to the subway I see two girls walking towards us on the sidewalk. As they're walking by I say:

"Hey, I have to ask you your opinion on something!"

The funny thing about this is that I have zero fucking idea what I'm going to say. Even as I'm walking up and about to open my mouth I have no idea. In game there used to be these funny things like asking about David Bowie or friends with benefits or something, but I don't know any of these. Instead I say:

"What's better, cats or dogs?"

It hits fine and we start talking. They're cool, receptive and with a bit more killer instinct we could have moved them to another bar with us. But we didn't have that clear intent and we also didn't know where the fuck we would lead them haha. I look at my wingman and say:

"There's a cool bar down the street right?"

Gesturing towards the east river. He's like "Uhhhhhh yeah I think so" which is not enough. We end up losing them. Next time though we'll get it. Clearer intent and actually knowing where the fuck we're going.

Notes

*Going out with a good wingman is massive. We work together as a team and fucking crush it. When one guy is feeling a bit out the other guy opens, and vice versa. And if both guys are crushing it then shit gets insane. I love it.

*To get the results I want I'm going to have to become something that I'm not. That has to do with game but also, more generally, it means hustling more, staying out longer, doing more sets, and doing sets even when I'm out of it.

*When I encounter an unusually attractive woman my brain shuts the fuck down. I don't get physical, I don't say witty and awesome things, I play it safe. I go logical and end up being boring as fuck. The worst part about this is that half the time the girl is fine, we're just having a conversation but I beat myself up and end up ejecting because I'm so pissed out how much of a bitch I'm being. I really want to fix this. I know I'm capable of awesome things and there's zero logical reasons I can't be awesome with a more attractive girl.

*I'm ruthless about figuring out logistics in the first minutes of the interaction. Sometimes I'm blunt and not subtle about it. It's essential though, you can't start planning a pull until you know what you're working with.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
Safe bet that 20% of guys hook up with 80% of the women in the world. That's what I'm aiming for. Fuck that, I want to be the 20% of the 20% of guys who hook up with 80% of the women. I've got so much momentum going at this point that even if you crippled me I'd be out at the fucking club talking to women in a wheelchair. Let's hope that doesn't happen though.

Went to a club last night with a sick DJ. When someone is that good at spinning house it takes your ears hostage. I danced for a while then opened a cute girl walking past. She didn't even stop or acknowledge me. Lesson learned. Be more direct, louder, get her attention. I'm well aware of this but a reminder is always good. I end up reopening her later but she's not into me.

I open another girl and we talk for five minutes. She's cool and I'm pushing it but there's no way. As we're talking she keeps inching away from me. After five minutes we're three feet from where we started because she keeps moving away and I keep following. Finally she just leaves. I go back to dancing.

That was the night. A very casual Sunday where I achieved my main aim: keep the momentum going and the 30 day challenge alive. I've been out twelve or thirteen days in a row. Shit's getting real.

Notes

*Loud environment, lights, fog, madness? Your approach has to be strong and direct to stand a chance of working.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
There's one thing that I dislike more than anything else in game: when a girl, usually the friend, laughs at what I'm saying, as in I can't believe what a dork/dweeb/dope this guy, I can't believe how weird the guys who talk to you are. Or whatever. If you've gone out you know what I mean. Sure, I know I shouldn't care. Sure, I know it shouldn't matter. That's swell, I don't give a fuck. I do care and I really don't like it. Girls stand there and act silly with their vodka cranberries, I take action, approach, put myself on the line and then get laughed at. I can laugh at guys doing shitty approaches because I'm in the trenches with him, what does the girl know about this? Granted this doesn't happen much, but it happened tonight. It was the 2nd set of the night. I wasn't even in full-out dork mode, I was just too logical and asking too many questions.

The 1st set of the night, who I opened on the street, stopped me after forty-five seconds by saying:

"I'm sorry, I just really don't feel like talking right now."

The 3rd set of the night when much better. It took place at a venue that's insane on the weekend and dead on the week nights, I wasn't even sure it would be open so I was happy when I saw the bouncer outside. I got inside and immediately made eye contact with the cutest girl in the place (out of like five girls haha). I was pleasantly surprised at how little shit my brain threw at me as my legs took me over.

Her name was Liz. She was with her friend and they were both very nice. Cool girls, I would have pulled either, although Liz was cuter than her friend. The set lasted fifteen minutes but it fizzled out to nothing at the end. This is frustrating for two reasons.

1. With two beers in me I could have made this set fly. It would have been a totally different interaction. I don't think there's anything wrong with drinking two beers but I've decided to learn pickup sober, hell or high water. Hopefully I'm trading short term gains for long term winning. Or so I tell myself..
2. The set fizzled because I didn't lead. I stopped being the cause of the emotions and I ended up being at the mercy of the girls emotions. There's lots of subtleties there but what it really comes down to is failure to lead.

I'm scared to lead at the next level. That is, lead in situations where I don't usually do it. It's a difficult fear because it's very subtle. Unlike approach anxiety which is cut and dry, grab your balls and do it. The being scared to lead fear is like a riptide which you can't see but it's running shit. That's why I have to put a stake in that motherfucker and make the active commitment to lead every single set. And I should be doing it early in the set when the emotions are high! In other words the optimal time to lead is exactly when I don't think I need to lead because everything is going great. By waiting till it fizzles it becomes much harder to lead and gain that initial energy back.

Regardless, I'm pleased with myself. Got out on a Monday night and did some solo sober approaches. Got another little bit of reference experience and for that I'm glad. Tomorrow night the week begins. Looking forward to meeting up with my wingman and burning down the Tuesday spot.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
144
There was a lot of failure last night, and from that come many lessons. I learned how to not do pickup and I'll share it here. First, a broad overview of the night. Waiting outside the bar for my wingman, I start the night by opening three different girls on the street. That was really good, maybe the high point of the night.

Inside it was fucking nuts. Packed as I've ever seen it. My wingman opened a few sets, I opened a few, it was all going good. And then something happened. Instead of continuing to open and building on my good mood, I decided to get some water. This was a huge mistake. I waited five minutes for the bartender and my momentum started to crash. In the beginning of the night it's crucial that I keep opening so that I have a great foundation. Later in the night five minutes is fine, but early in the night I can't spare it. When the bar guy finally got to me and I told him I wanted water he rolled his eyes, gave me a look like I'm a leper and ignored me. That hurt probably more than it should have. It's never happened before. My night was done from then on. I opened a few more sets but I was completely shot. The bar felt overwhelming, the crowd felt oppressive, I felt like shit.

I went and sat on a park bench two blocks away. Take a break, I told myself. Forget about what happened, get some good vibes and then go back and immediately open, you might still be able to salvage this night. I sat there for fifteen minutes then started walking back. On the sidewalk I passed my wingman who was walking with a cute girl back towards his place. That was the nail in the coffin. I was happy for him and it feels great to have a wingman who's crushing it with game, but it made me even more aware of how out of it I was. I got my backpack and went home.

Notes

*I've mentioned that a key focus for me right now is maintaining the mental frame of I'm awesome. More to point, as soon as I start to think negative while I'm out (or in life in general I suppose) I have to cut that shit off and just think: I'm awesome.

It totally and completely failed to do that last night. I let outside forces wreak havoc on my emotional state and the result was shit. I have to be ruthless about cutting off negative thinking immediately. Remember, I'm awesome. I'm doing something that very, very few guys will ever do and no matter how unattractive I feel, I've slept with more girls in the last year than plenty of guys will sleep with in their entire lives. That's something worth remembering.

*Trying to get water last night was a game-changing mistake. Up to that point almost everything was going good and it would have been easy to keep it up. But for some reason I stopped and I paid the price for it. Never again. It's crucial that I build that great momentum early because it will carry me through the whole night.

*When I'm in state and crushing it I make lots of statements. When I'm out of state and not crushing it I ask lots of questions. I have to change this. Regardless of how I'm feeling I need to be making more statements. Questions cause me to invest and they put me in a spot where I'm dependent and waiting on the girl's answer which is a shitty place to be. I can actively focus on this: no matter what make statements.

*I've noticed that when I'm crushing it one thing I do really fucking well is screen (break rapport). I walk up to girls and say things like "Who the hell are you?" or "Who said you could be in my bar?" or "I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to stand here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave". This stuff is great, it's approximately 10,000,000x better than asking "So, what do you do?"

When I'm out of state if I say breaking rapport shit it's not going to hit well and will feel incongruent, and maybe the key is to tone it down some so it's not so extreme. But I have to be throwing some breaking rapport in their somehow because currently when I'm out of it all I do is ask stupid fucking questions which totally suck.

*I care too much and I know it. I see a cute girl giving attention to a guy or putting her arm on him and I want that. I really fucking want it, and still I know that the more I want it the less likely I'll be able to get it. I know that I can change it though. Times when I've had a girlfriend in my life I didn't give a fuck. I had unlimited sex and I would see girls giving attention to guys and just think yeah, whatever. I have that too. Building abundance. It's going to take time but it will allow me to stop caring about getting a girl's approval. Meanwhile I can focus on the absolute truth that getting a girl will not solve my problems or fix my life. I'm at the center of everything and a girl is only a compliment to my already awesome self.

*More than two weeks of being out every single night. It's starting to feel normal. I'm starting to wonder why I'm not out there doing daygame as well.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
Tonight was a joy, like getting your favorite drunk food in the world after ten amazing beers at your friend's birthday party. Except that I was at the club, I knew nobody, and I was drinking water. After getting steamrolled last night I was really hoping tonight would turn out better. Arriving at the club I was excited to see a great party, the most people on a Wednesday I've seen all year! Lots of dudes but plenty of girls too.

Opened a girl and talked for five minutes. It was going great but I ejected. Not really interested in her and horrible, horrible logistics. Upstairs I sat down next to a girl and we chatted for fifteen minutes. She was from Italy but spoke a bit of German. I felt no pressure to "make anything happen" or to push this set to its breaking point. I was 100% cool to just relax, look at the NYC skyline and have a conversation. After fifteen minutes I left, feeling great. I went to the dance floor and opened a very attractive girl who turned out to be Italian too. Friend of the Italian girl upstairs. I came very, very close to making out with her. Half an inch away, we both wanted it. Not sure why I didn't go for it. The moment passed and it was time to lead, so I said:

"Let's go to the bar, I need to get more water"

She said fine and I started leading. But we only get several feet before she stopped me, said she wanted to stay with her friends. They have a table and I led her right past it. One of the friends must have grabbed her attention. I had no idea the table was there with her friends otherwise I would have taken a different route. Too bad. She says she'll see me later, I say OK.

Back on the dance floor I open another attractive woman and we chat. She seems to be into me and so after several minutes I attempt to lead her a few feet away. She won't do it. She walks away without a goodbye. Hmm.. I make eye contact with another girl and open her, but we only talk for 2 minutes before she dances off. I make several more laps around the club but see few possibilities. I was really hoping to see somebody I knew, any pickup guy I recognized, so we could open some sets. Nobody though, I'm surprised. So I pick up my backpack, fetch myself an Uber and take the ride back to Brooklyn.

Growth vs. Good Vibes

Here's the thing about the night: I really fucking enjoyed it. I felt very comfortable chatting with women, being myself, almost making out with a tall, skinny, dark haired Italian girl. It was great, nothing "bad" happened the whole night. However, the entire night I was playing not to lose, definitely not playing to win... I cared more about maintaining my good state then I did about taking risks that could potentially lead to a pull or a blown out set (but lesson learned).

It's understandable. Last night I felt like hell and tonight I wanted to have fun. So I did and I left the club feeling grand. But now I'm back in my room and I have a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. I passed up on (almost) every single opportunity I had to potentially win. I didn't reapproach and risk a blowout, I didn't approach mixed sets, I let girls go without complaint or putting up a fight. I decided my mood was more important than learning lessons and potentially pulling.

I did it, it's done. However, in the future I will not replicate this. I would much rather have a series of blowouts because I tried a bunch of new stuff and learned a bunch of lessons, than have a smooth, good-vibes night because I only did things that I'm already comfortable with. Doing only what you already know might feel good in the moment, but it doesn't feel so good when you look back on it. It's not a path to progress, it's a trail to stagnation. Anyways, I did make an active effort to lead sets. That was good. My two main focuses right now:

1. Leading sets.
2. Maintaining the: I'm awesome frame no matter what the circumstances.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
Last night I put myself into the least favorable circumstances imaginable: solo and sober in an obscenely loud bottle service club that I've done poorly in before. I couldn't make the circumstances worse if I wanted to. I did it because there was a DJ who I wanted to see and fuck it, why not?

I did OK. I opened sets throughout the night and generally had pretty positive results. I talked to six or eight girls, developed a mini crush on a blonde model sitting with a promoter then left. It wasn't crazy, I did not burn the place down, I left sort of early. So I could definitely be criticized in that regard. But if you look at it in another way, it's the best I've ever done under these conditions in my life. So that's pretty cool. Let's look at the notes.

Notes

*I do 400% better when I'm with a wingman. What's that saying, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. A wingman forces me to approach more (not even that he forces me but when he's there I feel more pressure to do good versus slack). Also, a wingman will open sets that you can join so it's not always pressure on you to open everything. Then the obvious factor of it being easier to handle two sets. Given that I know this I think I should prioritize going out with a wingman more. I can do it solo and maybe 1/3rd of my nights kick ass when I'm alone, but with a wingman usually 2/3rds of my nights kick ass. Big difference.

*I did a really good job of opening with breaking rapport last night. This idea comes directly from this report where I pointed out that when I'm in state I do all sorts of breaking rapport things and when I'm out of it I tend to ask questions. Ok cool, but there's no fucking reason I can't do breaking rapport statements no matter what. All it comes down to is saying something provocative with breaking rapport tonality. So I was very aware of that last night and made it happen. I'm working to make this an unconscious competence so that I do it automatically at all times, no thinking involved.

*The leading.. Maybe I just haven't been clear enough with myself but I have to start leading every single set that I'm in. No excuses. Every single set, go for the lead. It's necessary but I'm aware of why I'm having trouble with it. Right now I kind of suck at leading and so often when I go for it the girl says no, the interaction becomes weird, things falter. Where as if I don't lead I can usually keep a solid interaction going for a while. However, that doesn't matter. I simply have to trade some short term sucking for some long term awesome. Break a few eggs, fuck up a few hundred sets so that I learn when the exact moment to lead is. Some thoughts include:

*Leading right off of the open. When this goes well it's the coolest shit in the world, I love it.
*Micro-lead in the beginning. Move her a few feet before trying for a larger lead.
*In every bar have one place in mind that I lead to so that I'm very confident about it and there's no indecision on my face.
*Institute a rule: if I stay in a set for more than five minutes without leading I have to lead it or leave it, no matter how well it's going.
*Whenever there is an emotional high go for the lead. Actively train my brain to lead when I see an emotional spike.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
Last night was a fucking blast. Stayed out about three and a half hours and ended the night at my favorite club in NYC. Started by meeting up with my wingman who's doing a 30 day challenge with me. We don't go out every night with each other, but we do go out every night. The first bar was dead so we walked to another one, one of the classic NYC pickup places. Not much to see. We open a few sets until my wingman ends up with a cool girl but mine isn't into me.

I leave him there, bounce to a new bar. Inside I don't open immediately, which means this is the exact moment where my night forks into two paths. If I don't open in the next five to ten minutes I will end up sliding down the slope of shit and my night will never recover. Even if I manage to do approaches later on they'll be shitty and uncalibrated. Fortunately I know this. I murder my unhelpful thoughts and throw myself into a set with two girls. They immediately start hitting me with all sorts of shit tests like:

"Is that your pickup line?" and "Oh, you're just a baby"

I'm 24 and three quarters god dammit hahaha. But I plow on and end up talking to my girl for twenty minutes. Super interesting set. The girl obviously likes me a lot but logistics are not so great. She has to work at 8 in the morning and her friend is a BiTcH who is jealous of the attention her friend is getting and can't just be happy that she met a cool guy. Even though I'm paying attention to the friend, asking her questions, taking her seriously it's obvious she'll never like me. My girl likes me a lot though and I'm thinking pull. My objective is to get her to leave the friend and stay with me at the bar. If I can make that happen I feel very confident I can pull her back to her apartment. So I say things like:

"Stay with me at the bar for just 5 more minutes" and "Let's go check out this other club right now. Just 5 minutes, they have an awesome party."

No go. I'm persistent as you can possibly be without being creepy but it's just not happening. So I determine her logistics and set up the date for next Friday. Exact same scenario as two Saturdays ago only this time I don't plan on bailing on her haha.

They both leave, I start opening again. Run into one of my former wingman and he's with two guys who looked totally overwhelmed and freaked out. I know that feeling and I'm so grateful to be past it. We open some sets until I start talking to a German girl. This is a set that should end in a makeout, and maybe even a pull, but I lack the game to make it happen. I'm a bit too needy, bit too invested. She did say my German is good though and I'm happy to hear it. I try moving her several times but to no avail. So I bail. Go around the bar looking for other sets but I've already covered everything fairly well. My original wingman is MIA and I decide to go to this underground speakeasy bar that's usually pretty good.

Get there, see two girls sitting down, I open. They're from Washington and they're both super cool. One is very cute, the other one is cute. I would gladly pull either. We talk for about five minutes which means it's time to lead.

"Hey, your drinks are empty. Let's get out of here and go to my favorite club in NYC, it's just down the street." I say.

They agree and we all walk over there. I don't know if it's the second or third time I've come to this club this week but it's a lot. Once we get in though I have no fucking idea what to do. I want to isolate the cuter girl so that I can go for the makeout but I'm unsure of how to do it. The other friend is obviously not going to just leave and since they're from DC the pulling logistics are crummy. My poor brain is running at max capacity trying to figure this situation out. It's like when your computer is doing some heavy chores and it's so bogged down that you can hardly open a browser window. Totally unsure, I default to something I know to be good, leading! I lead these poor girls all over this club with absolutely zero fucking plan. I guess I just thought that if I led them around enough something would eventually happen. And it did! They left..

Things could be worse. I'm in my favorite club in NYC and there's a bunch of girls. I start opening. Set here, set there. I see a girl standing alone by the window. I introduce myself, ask where she's from. She say's:

"I'm from Copenhagen. It's in Europe, it's a long ways from here."

It's glorious when this happens. The lock screen on my phone is a picture of those colorful houses along a canal in Copenhagen. Without fail I meet at least one Danish girl a month and I always show her this. So I show this Danish girl and she can't believe that I've been to her city. We're vibing and then I do something silly. I lean in for the makeout and she leans in too. We're getting closer then I pull back! Fool, my bitch brain got the best of me again! We banter for a minute and I go for the makeout again but she turns her head. I pull back, then I go again but this time I put my hand on her chin and hold it so she can't turn and then I kiss her. She smiles and leaves. This was way too forceful, too aggressive. Damn, she was really cute too.

That basically marked the end of the night. I opened a few more sets but nothing stuck. I exchanged a few words with my original wingman who I started the night with because he had ended up at the same club. I see my two girls from Washington and exchange Facebook information, tell them to hit me up next time they're in NYC and we'll go get some free drinks with my promoter friend. Then I leave the club and get an Uber back to Brooklyn.

Notes

*It's funny how the set with the Washington DC girls went. Met them at the basement speakeasy, moved them to my favorite club in New York, then they left me. Exact same fucking thing happened a little while ago. Met two Australian girls at the speakeasy place (they were even sitting at the same table) bounced them to my club, then they left. Although that night ended much differently in that I pulled the cutest girl to date yet.

What went wrong tonight? This: the girls crushed my frame and sucked me into theirs. I didn't keep my frame as a sex worthy guy, by falling into their frame I became something more like one of their girl friends. So it's not like I made one major mistake, instead I showed through about 1,000 tiny sub-communications that I wasn't totally solid in my frame and worthy of a blowjob in the bathroom. I don't think there's anything to really fix here besides gradually building my frame stronger though hundreds and thousands of more interactions, to the point where I don't let the two outgoing, exuberant and attractive girls suck me in.

*Last night was epic and awesome because at every stage I kept approaching. As soon as I felt out of it and like approaching is the wrong thing to do, I approached! It's so fucking key and I've learned this the hard way through many, many nights that have gone to shit. At the stage where I'm at right now I have to keep approaching if I want to have a good night.

*I think that I'm leaning in too much. I use the excuse that I can't hear girls to justify it. This is 100% true but I have to find a solution so that I don't need to peck. I need to move the girl so she's talking in my ear, or just say something like:

"I can't hear you, talk louder."

*I could have stayed out longer last night. 11 to 2:30 is pretty good, but I'd really like to make it till 4 on the weekends. So instead of going home I should have found a bench, sat down, listened to a few cool songs, then gone back at it. A break from standing was all I needed, I didn't have to go home.

*My wingman pulled a girl a few nights ago and she had a thing for cum. After sucking him off she said:

"Thank you for feeding me."

Hahaha the world is a fantastic place.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
Went out last night around midnight. My only goal was to find at least one set and open. Keep the 30 day challenge going. I ended up at a lounge close to my place. I saw two girls sitting down at the bar drinking Budweiser, so I walked up and said:

"Hey, you're drinking Budweiser. I like it. Reminds me of high school. I used to get drunk in a cornfield with my best friend."

Seriously though, that's not self amusement. I had a weird childhood. Anyways, one girl is into it and the other one is totally, 100% not. She's being downright hostile to me. Frequently suggesting that I leave and that I'm a terrible human being in every conceivable way. But it's funny, she's throwing all this shit at me and I'm deflecting it like a mirror. I talk about wearing black and my watch band and Thailand and America and I flat out ignore this girl. She never puts me in my head. The friend is kind of into it but finally she says:

"Look, my friend doesn't like you. I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

So I do, and as I'm walking away the friend yells out:

"I hope you die!!!"

Let's take a moment to step back and ask: why would one human being have such hostility towards another? I wasn't doing my ridiculous polarizing shit, I wasn't being a douche, I was just putting myself on the line and talking about clothing and some things that have happened to me. Just for doing that and talking for three minutes did I really deserve to be judged to die? I'm not taking it personally, I felt great for sticking in and not giving a fuck, but I just wonder what's up in a person's life that they feel like that?

Left that bar, walked to a house music club. Saw a very cute girl sitting down, walked up and introduced myself. Her name was Ann and she was from Egypt. It was going well and the best thing I did was get her to stand up to see how tall she was. But shortly after that she said:

"Well I'll see you around!" and she turned away, dismissing me. On a crazier night I would probably push and persist, but I wasn't feeling crazy so I left. Here's how I would handle that situation next time.

1. I didn't sit down because there wasn't enough room and to make room both her and her friend would have had to move down. I wasn't feeling confident enough to ask them to do that. Next time I'm doing it, regardless of how confident I feel. Standing and talking to her, while she's sitting, wasn't good.
2. I got her to stand up to "see how tall she was" and that was great, but I didn't capitalize. I should have spun her, kept her standing, and tried to move her a few feet away. I think there was some social pressure because of the friend there.
3. My eye contact was good, but not great. Sometimes I don't have that cool confidence to keep laser eye contact. I have to work on that.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
As I've bitched about 649 times, NYC nightlife is horribly disappointing on Mondays. We went to LES and found one set worth opening. Did run into a guy I met two weeks ago which was serendipitous. I like seeing people out on a Monday, shows character.

Anyways, the one set. Opened them on the street, they were British as fuck. Took them to a bar I knew. We were 10 feet away from my buddy's Monday spot with the table but these girl were not attractive enough to justify bringing them there to mooch off his liquor. At the bar we all talked for twenty minutes, then my buddy pretended to get a phone call. We dipped outside and just left. I was dying. I've never just left a set like that, mid-sentence, without saying goodbye. Felt exciting.

We spent the next 45 minutes walking all over New York, looking for a bar with girls in it, talking about Distant Light, how long it should take to learn game, how to measure improvements in game, the fickle nature of determining success by lay count, and so forth. It was great. Tomorrow is the Tuesday spot, there will be sets, it will be good. I will meet a girl, make out with her, then pull her back to my place in Brooklyn for a fun time. My wingman pulled four fucking times last week, I've got some catching up to do. Let's make it happen!
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
Man I really, really did not want to be out last night. The Tuesday spot venue is always good but I don't like it. Bunch of obscenely drunk guys and people playing pong, everyone jammed in like cattle for the slaughterhouse. That being said, the challenge is to go into a venue like this and have a blast. At this stage a good bit of learning game is simply learning how to have fun in the club, no matter what the circumstances. Ways to do so include:

1. Lower your criteria for fun, so that everything is funny to you.
2. Open immediately and often, so that you don't even have time to think about how much you want to torch the bar you're in.
3. Continually embrace the mindset of "I'm awesome" and cut off negative thoughts the moment you feel them coming on.

So last night, walk inside. I'd give about $1,000 to just walk out the door and go home, but no. Doing this. I mentally punch myself into opening a girl, and it goes OK. Start feeling a bit better. Open another girl, it goes well. Keep opening, it gets better. At some point things switch to on and I'm doing the "hard" sets. Tall, cute blonde girl with six friends. Bam, open and in. One of the cutest girls in the bar is about to walk right by. Bam, hand out, draw her in, introduce myself. Total 180 degree turnaround from my original state.

Unfortunately my wingman was losing his voice so he left early. Then I saw a pickup guy I know. He's an assistant to a very, very well known pickup dude. Seeing him gives me some ego-drive and I open three or four sets in his vicinity. The final set of the night the girl was really into me but her friends physically dragged her away, it was a bit disappointing. I haven't pulled in about six weeks and I think that there are three things at play here.

1. Pure chance. The last two girls who were into me and down to be pulled both had bad logistics I couldn't overcome. If the logistics had been different there's a very high chance I would have pulled both.
2. I've raised my standards. I've given up at least one pull, maybe two, because I've lost interest in pulling short and not very attractive women. She can be tall and not very attractive, or short and cute, but not short and not cute. Previously I have pulled the short, not cute girls and so by giving that up I'm giving up pulls.
3. My game has deteriorated in some aspect. This is insidious and so fucking hard to spot (for me at least). It's much easier for me to identify sticking points to work on than to identify things that I've traditionally done well (or unintentionally done well) then stopped doing. However, two things stand out. One is my eye contact. I noticed that it's getting worse. For some reason I think that "eye contact won't matter with this girl" when it really fucking does matter with every girl! Whatever it takes I need to improve my eye contact. The second point that I need to work on I'll address in the next paragraph.

Qualifying / Telling Her Why She's Cool

Girls want to feel special and they want to feel like you've chosen them for a reason beyond their looks. When I look back on my last two pulls I can see how I "qualified" the girl by telling her what I liked. Nia worked for SNL and I told her how cool I thought that was and I praised her on it. It wasn't game or a tactic, I was just being straight up; I thought it was cool as shit! Maya liked Jameson (my favorite drink) and she had been skydiving. I genuinely praised her for both things because I thought it was awesome! I'm sure if I looked back further I would see even more examples of me praising girls I've hooked up with.

With all that in mind, I'll say that I don't think I'm doing this enough. This isn't a tactic or a trick though! It's more like this: by talking to the girl I can find out something about her that I consider cool, I can use that to become genuinely interested in her and that will translate into her being genuinely interested in me. So basically what this idea comes down to is this:

1.Getting a conscious idea of all the qualities I like in a girl.
2. When speaking with her I can ask more questions, prod deeper until I find something to genuinely like about her (and if I can't find anything I leave!).
3. Tell her exactly why I think that's cool and praise her for it.

This is not gamey or manipulative, it's just putting more conscious focus and effort into something that I do automatically anyway. I think the results will be powerful. It gives me more opportunities to like a girl for real reasons, it shows the girl why I think she's special, it's positive for everyone.

Notes

*Overcoming that tremendous resistance last night felt glorious. It was like benching 225 for the first time

*So far me leading more has basically resulted in me hearing "I'm going to stay with my friends" and "No, I want to stay here" a lot. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, but something is amiss.

*I have to improve my eye contact. Look direct into her eyes and smile a lot so it's not so intense.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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144
I snuck into a coworking space in Manhattan yesterday, which is surprisingly easy to do. I used to work in this building so I know how it works. But seriously, you could probably sneak into one of these places for months without getting caught. They were having a networking event which I stole some cookies from. Then I opened the cute blonde girl sitting next to me.

Me: "Hey, you know they've got cookies over there?"

Her: "Yeah they look good! But I'd have to walk past all those people, I'm not sure I want to do that."

Me: "What are you, anti-social?" Said with a smile.

We ended up talking for about twenty minutes. She moved her seat to be closer to me and I felt good. By the end though I noticed myself getting sucked into her frame. God that sounds like such a weird, pickup way of expressing shit. Basically it came down to this: what she was talking about didn't interest me, I wanted to switch things up. But I didn't. I didn't move the conversation in a different direction that would have allowed me to make it more interesting for both of us, like I would have if I was two beers buzzed. Cool girl though, I added her on Facebook.

Later on I got on the subway and saw a cute girl sitting down with space beside her on the bench. I had my headphones in and we went a stop while I thought about the situation. The anxiety I felt about talking to her is exactly what I feel in the club (or used to feel, it's not really there as much anymore). I figure that since I get over the club anxiety every single time (there's maybe one night in my entire career where I've chickened out of approaching all together) I can get over this. I take my headphones out, sit down next to her and ask her how her day is going.

"Great! How about yours?"

And we start talking. And she was very nice and sweet. And nobody came and bashed my skull in with a club. And nobody even stared. And I felt really fucking good. I think that it's the first time in my life that I've ever opened a girl, on the subway, without being with my fellow conspirators in pickup. I've opened on the platform before but never on the train. I think I did it because I knew I was getting off in one stop anyways and no matter what the fuck happened we would only be talking for ninety seconds.

That was that. I went home and watched movies, feeling fantastic about myself! I did something that for the first time in my life, I love it. However, I'm noticing that with this 30 day challenge I'm often thinking about how I can put the minimum amount of time talking with girls and get the fuck out so I can go home and lead my life. I know it's not the right attitude, I know I should take a break, but fuck it. Ten days left, I'll do it. Then I'll go back to my regular schedule of 5 or 6 nights a week, where I actually end up spending more time at the club in a given week because I have time to recharge and I have the go hard or go home attitude.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
One set went really well last night. I was talking to her, she was into me, I thought things might happen. Then her friend dragged her away to the bathroom. I figured she'd come back but after ten minutes I assumed they just left the club. The DJ was playing some exceptional deep house so I danced for a while, until I saw two girls walk in and go to the bar. The only question was would I open them at the bar or wait till they had their drinks? I kind of wanted to open them while they were getting drinks just because it's harder, a bit more awkward, but it's good practice. However, I decided to wait so I opened them two minutes later. Not that interesting, less attractive closeup than from a distance.

Dancing some more when I see the original girl who it was going well with. She's talking a normal looking dude. I'm thinking Should I go up and open her again anyways? She looks like she likes talking to this dude, what if she's pissed I interrupt them? I don't think this was a rational concern though, more like a bitch excuse. I was scared to re-open... But then she sees me, smiles, and I come over. Start talking again, get her a bit isolated from her friend and I start getting in close, going for the makeout. But she refuses to make eye contact. So I do something that I've never done before and call her out.

Me: "Hey, why won't you make eye contact with me?"

Her: "I'm sorry, I'm so awkward!"

I try going in for the makeout again, she's acting like she's into it but then she just runs away. Maybe I was being too dominant or maybe I wasn't being dominant enough and I should have pressed even harder for the makeout. Who knows.

I open another girl on the dance floor but it's a very weak open. We've already seen each other many times, made eye contact twice, there's no where did you come from? In it. I say ridiculous, stupid things and she's cracking up. But I'm aware that you can take things too far and when I try to get more serious she tells me that she's not interested. Fair enough, it was a very weak open. I do one more set and go home.

Notes

*The amount of mental resources that I devote to learning game is way to fucking high. I'm thinking myself insane over this. Am I getting good fast enough? Am I fucking up? Will I ever get good? Why am I not pulling more? What am I doing wrong? Am I destined to be alone forever? Should I take a bootcamp? And so forth.. It's fucking nuts. I'm essentially taking the fun out of game because I'm so worried about all this crap. I really need to take some deep breathes, chill the fuck out and let things happen. I also need to balance my life again. 7 nights out a week is too fucking much for me right at now, at least at this stage. I need a night or two a week to get my fucking life together, not think about game or what venue I'll be hitting up, and just chill the fuck out. So while this 30 day challenge is cool and I'm learning a lot, I'm also driving myself crazy way more than I need to.

*I need to be re-approaching more. I'm scared to do it which means it's exactly what I need to do. Man, I love being afraid of shit, it's my compass. If we weren't afraid of things how would we know in which direction to go?

*Just talked to a cool pickup guy and it looks like me might get an apartment together in Manhattan! Psyched as hell for that. A good situation like that would make it much, much easier to pull.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
My greatest fear in this is that I'm putting in all this time and I'm just spinning my wheels. I hear horror stories of guys who do this for years and don't get better and I would rather have a lobotomy than have that happen to me. It isn't just me either. My main wingman, who is quite good at this, also worries about progress. It's understandable. You give up sleep, hobbies, and your ego, it's natural to hope for improvements. That being said, last night was arguably the best night I've ever had in my life. Not in terms of results, but in terms of how much I did, how many barriers I broke through, and how far I pushed myself. It started on the L train.

Walking along the subway platform I see a cute blonde girl standing by herself. I decide to open. From dozens of times of failing to open on the subway, I know that I have to immediately go in for else I'll never do it. So I walk up and say:

"Looks like you're going to Bushwick."

She is, we talk a bit. Then my train comes and I leave her standing there. Already the night is starting off well. I get to Meatpacking, go to the bar where I've agreed to meet my wingman. One of them, I'm going out with two guys tonight. Inside it's "Deader than a virgin's dreams of getting a bj" as I text my buddy. He shows up a few minutes later and we immediately bounce to another bar. Inside I see my other wingman and he barely has time to say hi before I grab him and pull him into a set. They can't handle our antics and leave. I immediately go open a girl who is standing with five of her friends around. I don't even consider the social pressure here. My brain is working like this "She's a girl, open" not "Omg there's six of them, they'll all stare, there's no way this will work". My girl ended up being on the brink of marriage which was annoying, but it was still fun. The leader of the this female group congratulated me.

Her: "That was very bold of you, very cool."

Me: "Thanks. I just figure you've got to do what you've got to do, you can't care what other people think."

Haha that, and approach like 2,000 sets in 11 months and it's easy! Leave that group, keep approaching. After thirty minutes we've easily opened a dozen sets, just about everything in the entire bar. Keeping in mind that my #1 goal is to lead, I was able to lead a set or two, that was good. But also my main wingman kept poking my girls in the belly and freaking them out! He would do that then they would run away. It was 90% funny and 10% annoying. My other wingman says with some regret:

"Damn dude, we've burned this place to the ground" 

I reply: "It doesn't fucking matter man! This is Friday, we have unlimited options!"

We bounce to my favorite club in New York. Inside I open within five seconds. It was a really, really good open. I walked up to the girl, introduced myself and without skipping a beat put my arm around her and started walking. She followed, I loved it! Leading off the open, that's the epitome of success in my mind. Fast forward to six or eight sets later. Three girls standing in a circle. I reach my hand out and hold it in front of one of the girls for her to take. I've been doing this all night with great success. She takes it and I pull her in towards me. We start talking, I'm getting closer and closer for the makeout. Then my perverted fucking wingman pokes her in the back! That manwhore. But this time it works out better and she immediately starts making out with me. I tell him this later and he gets a kick out of it.

This set was interesting though. We were making out, she was into me, I start to lead. And then almost immediately I start to go for the pull. I mean we've been talking like 6 minutes and I'm trying to pull her. She doesn't take this well. I push for it one more time and she leaves me in disgust. So what's the lesson? First off, I'm happy with what I did. I'd much rather push too hard and fuck it up then be a wimp and let it fade and die. But I think that by pushing so hard, so fast it was needy and just showed me to a be a guy who only cares about sex. We had hardly started talking and now I'm pushing for sex already, that's not a recipe for success (in general). So if I could redo this I would talk more, hang out more, get to know her friends a bit. Then, instead of immediately going for the pull to her apartment, I would say that we should go outside and get some fresh air. Then taxi to her place, I'll just walk you there. Then I get there, let me just use the bathroom. I think that would have been much better than pushing so hard for the pull so fast.

Flash forward to a little while later. I open two girls and I start to lead them to a new area of the club. Only I'm walking ahead of them and it's kind of weird. I do this often. Sometimes a girl isn't down for me to hold her hand and lead so I just end up walking in front. Better would be to hold out my arm and to lead arm and arm. This would be the pro way to handle this situation.

Flash forward and I see one of my favorite pickup role models. He's a fucking gangster and a half, incredible dude. Running a bootcamp so I don't want to disturb him too much but I'm definitely going to introduce myself. I'm with two girls at the moment and he's standing talking to a few people. I'm waiting till he finishes talking so that I can say hi, but I'm also talking to these two girls. This creates an interesting situation because I'm talking to the girls but I'm putting a greater effort into watching this guy to see when he leaves the group so I can say hi. The reaction from the girls is telling. They can tell they don't have my attention and they start flirting way, way more and touching me. It's nuts. I'm making them chase me and I'm doing it 100% by accident. All I can think is "how the fuck can I do this without having to be looking at some guy I want to talk to?" No easy answer. It's one of those things you can't fake. I think all I can do is keep it in mind, keep moving towards the point where girls chase me.

Good news is that I do eventually get to say hi to this guy. What a pimp, I'd love to learn from him one day.

Flash forward, it's 2:30am. I've been out for three and a half hours. Both my wingman are gone. One probably pulled, the other left. I've easily opened twenty-five girls by now, maybe even thirty. I'm tired, my brain hurts, I'm ready to go home. I'm ten feet from the exit of the club when I think, "Fuck this. I can do more" and this striking quote goes through my brain, I wish I knew it exactly but it's something like this: "To become something that you're not, you have to do things that you've never done." So here we are. This is the exact moment when I always, always leave the club. And on the rare times I do stay, I never open again. Fuck that. I'm going to stay and I won't let myself leave until I open another 5 sets.

I don't open 5 sets though.. I open 8. I stay for another half an hour and have a glorious time. Fucking awesome. I started the night by opening a girl on the subway platform and ended it by staying out longer and doing more. I've now set that precedent for the next level.

Notes

*It's taking me quite a while to learn how to balance that fine line between letting a set fade into nothing vs. being aggressive to the point that I blow it out. That being said, I learn 1,000% more from the times that I push too hard and do too much, vs. when I just let shit die into nothing. I'll continue to calibrate while also keeping in mind that going for the pull after 8 minutes is probably, in general, not the best move.

*I see this journey as the purification of the soul (that sounds a little like something Hitler would say, but stay with me). I believe that there's a massive diamond somewhere inside me but it's covered with thousands of layers of shitty beliefs, half-truths and fear. By going out and throwing myself into insane situations on a daily basis I'm stripping away the bullshit and getting a little bit closer to the diamond on the inside. The closer I get, the more it shines through. A quote that I like, "You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are"

*I opened close to 40 sets last night. I know that this is not ideal. The ideal is opening one set and pulling (like we did on this beautiful night in Berlin, or like I did a few months ago in Williamsburg). But I've been told over and over that the only way to become awesome at this is to take massive action and trust in the process. So I keep doing this, keep working on sticking points, and pray to god that I'm not just grinding my wheels.

*I told a girl about how I was going to put babies in her stomach last night. She laughed so hard. Despite my polarizing attitude I rarely talk sexual like this. It would probably be a good move though, to start talking more sexually. I don't do it because I've never ever "naturally" done it in my life haha, but if it brings results I'm down to explore it more. Besides, I've never "naturally" approached 40 girls in one night, so I'm just living a life where I do things that I've never done before.

*I don't think I've fully understood how important leading is, it's everything. That's why I'm thinking this: instead of worrying about how soon I can go for the makeout, it would actually be better to think about how soon I can lead. If I can do it off the open, great. If I takes a few minutes, ok. If I have to try three times before I get it, fine. I'm willing to try everything. In the last week I've gone for dominant leads, I've gone for subtle ones, I've just asked girls nicely to walk with me and I've asked them not nicely. I'm trying everything that I can conceivably think of to get girls to follow me. The more I get success with it the more confidence I'll have the more likely it will be to happen.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
Twenty-three days deep in my 30 day challenge and it finally happened, time to replace the condom in my wallet. Last night I approached 30+ sets and had an insane time. Tonight was 180 degrees opposite. Instead of doing a bazillion sets I only did five, but I stuck in each one for a very long time.

First set of the night started off really good but I messed it up somehow. I don't have any idea what exactly what I did wrong. I tried leading three times but no go. She seemed really into me for a while but eventually she left me to go talk to her friend. I moved on and opened a good-looking German girl. She was with four friends and I think she actually was shy. As opposed to when me and my wingman call every girl who rejects us shy haha.

Next I open a way cuter than normal Asian girl and I stay with her for forty-five minutes. I lean in for the makeout multiple times but it never happens. She's not kissing me, logistics are horrible, but I stick in. Two reasons. The first is that while approaching dozens of girls last night was a blast, I don't want to do it two nights in a row. I'd rather stay and get to know a girl. Second, I'm getting reference experience. Can I stay in for a long time and make something happen? If I stay in for an hour will she finally be ready to makeout? And so forth, lessons to be learned. Eventually though I have enough and I ask her for her number, but she says no! I'm very surprised. If I get to know a girl that well it's rare for her to say no, but here we are. I leave the set feeling confused.

Five minutes later I open a very tall girl and we immediately click. It was really cool to just hang out with my arm around her and talk. I had no agenda, I was just existing. All I knew was that I didn't want to go on an opening rampage again so I was totally content to just chill with her. I lean in for the kiss multiple times before she finally accepts it, but even then we don't make out. She says that she doesn't like PDA. Ok, everyone is different. She's really fun and I tell her:

"I can tell you're a cool person because you're laughing at all my jokes"

She laughs harder. I stay with her for about an hour but by that time I've had enough. Her logistics are impossible and if she won't even makeout in public I doubt bathroom sex will be her cup of tea. I get her number, say I'll be right back, and then I never return haha.

By now my wingman has left. It's about 2:30, I've been out three hours, spent 94% of that time talking to girls and I've only opened four sets. I could leave but fuck it, I still feel good. I go to the outside area and see a girl standing by herself. I walk up, say:

"It's a fantastic view here isn't it."

We start talking and it's just that, talking. I have zero fucking agenda or dependence on any kind of outcome. I figure at some point she'll leave and I'll leave and that will be the night. But it doesn't happen, we have a lot to talk about. Then she invites me to go to a more exclusive area of the club and I follow. We sit down and keep talking. And then something happens. We're chatting, I've got my arm around her, we're close to kissing, and then my brain clicks. I've got this. She's more invested than me. I am owning this, I am the prize, she wants this more than me. And just like that my attitude shifts and I feel great. I feel towards her the way you would feel towards your girlfriend. Sex is assured, it's not a big deal, it's just going to happen. You don't have to lead anymore, show any more value, be anything you're not. Just keep existing, don't say anything too fucking stupid and you've got this.

We're sitting with her friends and when they leave she decides to stay with me. We talk until 3:30 at which point I say:

"I need to get out of here, it's getting late."

She replies: "Me too."

Finally, after nearly an hour, we start making out. She's very into it, mouth-rape I call it haha. She's staying in a hotel in Midtown and I say I'll see her there. It doesn't matter what I say, it's happening. I get into the Uber with her, get to the hotel, tell her I have to pee. She says we can't go to her room because her friend is there but she asks the hotel clerk if there is a bathroom in the lobby. We go there and hookup. A bathroom adventure at 4 in the morning. Then I add her on Facebook, kiss her goodbye and we go our separate ways.

Notes

*It's informative to compare the statistics between my two nights out this weekend. Friday (30-40 approaches, kissed 1 girl, nothing even close to a pull). Saturday (5 approaches, kissed 2 girls, pulled). What the fuck is going on here? They say massive action is what gets you results but clearly there is something more than that. I've thought about this a lot and the best thing I can say is this: when I'm doing insane amounts of approaches and "putting in the work", I'm fucking trying. A lot.. And what happens when you try? You get outcome dependence (well, for now at least). This doesn't make me a horrible person, it's natural to wish for a result when you're working your ass off. But that's just not the way it works. As soon as you want / need to see a reward you're fucked. You've got outcome dependence which is essentially the goldenrule of what you can't have when you do this. So it's not that taking massive action is wrong, but if it leads to you feeling like you need a reward or that women owe you something, you're fucked. No matter how good your state, opener, or linguistical bullshitting ability is.

Compare that to last night when I didn't give a fuck. I just wanted to talk to a few girls and not open a bazillion sets again. The girl I ended up pulling, I spent the first half an hour not "trying" to do a damn thing. I was just talking to her, enjoying the conversation. Man, it was basically getting to know her with absolutely zero intention of having sex, and as a result of that sex happened. I still don't fully understand this, but none-the-less I'm a little bit obsessed thinking about it and how I can extrapolate this lesson to increase my future success.

*It's very possible that creating attraction is not my problem in the club. I'm a good looking dude who is very confident and sometimes even funny. And yet as I've been told over and over, attraction isn't enough. A girl won't sleep with you if there isn't comfort (in general. I'm fully aware there are plenty of girls who will fuck you in the bathroom after 5 minutes). That's why I get the feeling that I've been fucking up by trying to shortcut this comfort building stage. The point where we actually get to know each other and enjoy each others company. What I've been mostly doing is trying to skip this and get straight to the sex. Maybe because I don't want to put the time in to actually having the 45 minute conversation. But this is obviously insane! I just went out for fifty fucking days in a row without pulling, do you know how many times over I used up 45 minutes to no serious result? Damn dude, just invest the time to get to know the girl.

*Outcome independence is crucial but it's not something that I can just switch on. It's more like a general lifestyle, and building it (at least for me) takes time. I had it last night and I did very well. I've lacked it other times and gotten crushed. In general though I never have outcome independence far from my mind, and I'm always working towards a point where I care less and enjoy the process more. In terms of getting laid and also just in terms of learning pickup. Go out, have fun, push the comfort zone, embrace the unknown and let the results come as they will.
 

Davai

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 4, 2017
Messages
144
My goal tonight was to get out of the house and open one or two girls. Inside the first bar I opened the only set and she was cute. The first 15 seconds were unsure, then I set the frame of awesome and we both started vibing. Very strong eye contact, massive pupils, it was on from the beginning. However, for whatever reason her sister immediately started hating on me. Honestly, she was being a bitch. I very rarely use this word to describe a girl, but in this circumstance I will. My girl liked me, she had just broken up with her boyfriend, I was being cool, and the bitchy sister even had a boyfriend. But she couldn't accept that and she said loudly and repeatedly that:

"You look like you have a small ballsack."

Swell. So my cute girl who was into me starts being swayed by the sister and the whole group leaves. How could I have won in that situation though? If I could do it over I would do this: as soon as I sensed the hate coming from the sister I would tell my girl:

"Tell your sister that I'm gay"

Then I can ruthlessly flirt with my girl and hopefully not be hated on so much by the sister or friend. I can also probably join the whole group and do whatever they're doing.

After they left I went to the only other bar open on a Sunday. Inside, one set of three girls, one of them is very cute. I open but I chicken out on focusing exclusively on the cutest girl and instead play it safer (bitch the fuck out like a little bitch) and talk to the whole group. I do this for two minutes and then bounce. I should have put it all on the line and just gone for the cute girl, instead of trying to do the whole group. Stupid.

Notes

*There's an idea that's been rattling around in my head a lot. Some very successful PUA said:

"You shouldn't be acting any differently in set than you would normally"

I've been considering the implications of this and it seems to be good advice. Obviously in set you may be more polarizing than you would be with your grandma, but I think that in general you should be acting about the same. Otherwise it seems like you're putting on a song and dance act for girls, in other words trying. I'm still thinking about this though, it's an interesting idea.
 
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