- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
- Messages
- 161
note*: I lost my post (content gets wiped if you reload the browser), so this post will be using my personal formatting style, and will not be converted to the format I've been using for other posts.
[Helen]—[5/5] American girl, met at one of my "home base" venues. Talked about inane topics a bit too much--no framing, no sexy vibe, too caught up in details
[open]: indirect
[move]: success
[escalation]: N/A
[close]: fail (improper setup)
[interaction status]: closed
[OPEN]
[Helen] was the first girl I decided to physically approach and talk to with the specific intent of getting her home and into bed. She wasn't extremely good looking, but I was still anxious. Approaching her in a venue I was very familiar with helped.I was nervous, and decided to approach another group to get into state first. I sat down next to her and actually engaged a nearby friend before turning to talk to her (mistake, risked auto-rejection/social butterfly framing). She was on her phone though, and immediately got up and walked away.
She came back, and I apologized for interrupting her phone call (too submissive?), but she didn't seem to mind too much.A friend sitting nearby--who's a bit of an idiot--had no idea what was going on, and was a constant interruption. I was careful to acknowledge him only minimally, and "not break circle". He got the hint, but only after several irritating interruption attempts.
I controlled the conversation with threads, and let [Helen] do almost all of the talking. I managed to get her interested and engaged, and even had a couple of DHV's (I had no idea about framing though, and din't consciously set any frame). I initiated some light touching, and when things started to wind down she mentioned that she was going somewhere else.
[MOVE]
"What you need to do is come to this body painting party with me." I said. "Now that sounds like fun." She said, and we left. We walked to the next venue, and I (instinctively, I hadn't read about it yet) kept the conversation going and light during the transition.
[ESCALATION]
We reached the next venue, but I still wasn't framing. [Helen] even expressed her disappointment that it wasn't a fully naked body painting party at someone's private home, but I didn't even pick up on the thread.
We got onto the topic of music (for some reason) and we were listening to her iPhone together. I worked up the nerve to ask her to go home, but had been drinking a lot, and the combination of anxiety and alchohol sent me to the bathroom for a minute or two while a wave of nausea passed (which killed the already weak chemistry).
[CLOSE]
I asked her to come home, and she refused, admitting that it was her boyfriend she'd been on the phone with the whole time. Undaunted, I persisted, giving reason after reason that she should just come home with me, and even tried to break down some of her objections (I had just read the post about persisting/not letting them leave), but she rebuffed each of my offers, and left.
I felt pretty good about this interaction. I employed each of the techniques I'd read about, at least as well as I understood them, and I think I understood afterward why it had failed, or not gone quite as well as it might have. I also learned:
a) good, engaging, fun conversation is great, but without proper framing is useless.
b) setting and controlling threads is vital. On reflection, I chose to talk about language and musical tastes over naked body painting parties. WTF??
c) keeping all this stuff straight in my head and trying to appear calm, cool, and in control was really tough, I simply need more practice.
[Helen]—[5/5] American girl, met at one of my "home base" venues. Talked about inane topics a bit too much--no framing, no sexy vibe, too caught up in details
[open]: indirect
[move]: success
[escalation]: N/A
[close]: fail (improper setup)
[interaction status]: closed
[OPEN]
[Helen] was the first girl I decided to physically approach and talk to with the specific intent of getting her home and into bed. She wasn't extremely good looking, but I was still anxious. Approaching her in a venue I was very familiar with helped.I was nervous, and decided to approach another group to get into state first. I sat down next to her and actually engaged a nearby friend before turning to talk to her (mistake, risked auto-rejection/social butterfly framing). She was on her phone though, and immediately got up and walked away.
She came back, and I apologized for interrupting her phone call (too submissive?), but she didn't seem to mind too much.A friend sitting nearby--who's a bit of an idiot--had no idea what was going on, and was a constant interruption. I was careful to acknowledge him only minimally, and "not break circle". He got the hint, but only after several irritating interruption attempts.
I controlled the conversation with threads, and let [Helen] do almost all of the talking. I managed to get her interested and engaged, and even had a couple of DHV's (I had no idea about framing though, and din't consciously set any frame). I initiated some light touching, and when things started to wind down she mentioned that she was going somewhere else.
[MOVE]
"What you need to do is come to this body painting party with me." I said. "Now that sounds like fun." She said, and we left. We walked to the next venue, and I (instinctively, I hadn't read about it yet) kept the conversation going and light during the transition.
[ESCALATION]
We reached the next venue, but I still wasn't framing. [Helen] even expressed her disappointment that it wasn't a fully naked body painting party at someone's private home, but I didn't even pick up on the thread.
We got onto the topic of music (for some reason) and we were listening to her iPhone together. I worked up the nerve to ask her to go home, but had been drinking a lot, and the combination of anxiety and alchohol sent me to the bathroom for a minute or two while a wave of nausea passed (which killed the already weak chemistry).
[CLOSE]
I asked her to come home, and she refused, admitting that it was her boyfriend she'd been on the phone with the whole time. Undaunted, I persisted, giving reason after reason that she should just come home with me, and even tried to break down some of her objections (I had just read the post about persisting/not letting them leave), but she rebuffed each of my offers, and left.
I felt pretty good about this interaction. I employed each of the techniques I'd read about, at least as well as I understood them, and I think I understood afterward why it had failed, or not gone quite as well as it might have. I also learned:
a) good, engaging, fun conversation is great, but without proper framing is useless.
b) setting and controlling threads is vital. On reflection, I chose to talk about language and musical tastes over naked body painting parties. WTF??
c) keeping all this stuff straight in my head and trying to appear calm, cool, and in control was really tough, I simply need more practice.