FR Resistance from my roommate

[Payload]

So yesterday I went for a walk with my roommate and kissed her. This morning I invite her to listen to some music on my turntable. She actually wants to do it then and there, I am not really feeling it and say that we'll do it later. Write her on messenger and ask whether 4 o' clock is good for her. She writes back that she actually isn't sure about coming to my room. I kinda don't want to reward her for resistance and also think that text isn't good for dealing with that, so I don't answer and after 2,5 hours go over to invite her and handle what I believed to be token resistance.

I have handled it like a complete fucking chump.
Instead of laughs and touchy-feely in the morning, where I probably should have just taken her to my room, she first of all acts as if she doesn't my first time knocking. After a while I knock again, she opens the door, I want to transition her to my room. She tells me no, she has to go out and do stuff and shower before that. I half-heartedly persist, walk after her going to the bathroom. She tells me she has to shower, I say "And after that we hangout", she laughs and says no. Avoids me, doesn't want to be touched (I cringe looking back at it). I tell that it is okay. She "wants to think about it", I repeat it back to her, raising an eyebrow, laughs and says yes. "Maybe later". Followed by an "You need to leave", pushing me out.

Back in my room I am discombobulated. Don't have the experience to know what is happening right now. Write off the whole thing and send a hail mary text to maybe cool things off and ramp them back up again (which I don't really believe in, must have lost massive attraction when basically begging to meet up). I want to leave an olive branch which she kinda takes me up on, but then agrees to break it off.

Text conversation:
Me: 4 o clock sound good?
Her: acutally I am not sure about come to your room
2.5h pass, I do the cringy stuff
Me: Hey, I understand being nervous or shy, but if it there is no spark between us I'd just rather leave it at that
Her: It is not all about the being shy actually, I can't predict what will happen so it makes me nervous
So I think leave it at that is logical
Me: I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want. You know you can leave at anytime, and I understand your concerns. What about meeting in the kitchen later and talking about it? We both like the thing we have going and don't you think it would be silly to lose it about something like that?

I definitely know I could have handled the begging situation better. I also wonder whether I should have made her chase me more. The whole seduction I was under the impression that she primarily needs comfort, with her already being attracted to me. Makes me rethink complimenting her so much on stuff like her interests and first impression. Should I have been more aloof? Not told her I like her while she was thinking about what to think about me kissing her?

Million dollar question:
What the fuck do I do about a girl being nervous to see me because she is afraid of hooking up? Man, what a shitty fucking problem to have.

I am sure that the charade was enough for her to lose attraction for me and that she doesn't want to continue it. If somebody has a certain article he thinks would clear up my question and how I can behave more attractively in the future, please comment here or shoot me a message. This is really throwing me for a loop.
Maybe she doesn't want to be a slut, so I should have shown her that I am non-judgemental. Maybe more comfort building before inviting her to my room, but I had planned on doing that in there. Phew, at least I feel like I took a few important steps toward being the person I want to be.

 

[gameboy]

Don't shit where you eat.

You guys live together andyou are sending her texts?

You need to move on and find a different girl that doesn't live in the same flat as you. The mature thing to do is to accept what happened, accept she doesn't want to take it any further, and go back to being platonic roommates.

Then maybe, one day down the line she might be in the mood to get togetherwith you again. But I wouldn't push for it since you guys live together.

 

[Payload]

I get not shitting where you eat, but I finally started going for what I want, including her. She is going to be gone in 3 months anyway and I am not gonna pass up an oppurtunity to escalate on a cute chick that is really into me.

 

[gameboy]

Not saying nothing can ever happen with this girl. But she pulls back, so best move is to pull back too. Wait for the right moment. It"s kind of advanced with a roommate... especially if both of you are kind of inexperienced. Above all I'd avoid creeping her out, just be chill (and flirty when you sense she is open for it) and if she ever gets horny or lonely she will fall into your bed practically by default.

 

[Payload]

Gonna update here cause I don't want to spam the boards. I have accepted that this seduction is over but took it as a learning oppurtunity to see how the process would be for turning things around. Not gonna invest any further and catch feelings, If there is an oppurtunity for an easy lay I will go for it, but no more dates.



Her: Heyy, actually okay we can talk about it but maybe one of my friends can come to us. I guess my problem is I couldn't figure it out what are you wanting. Becuase we can't even talk perfectly at the same language and also I will be here just for 6 months, and you already know it. So I don't understand why are you trying to hold my hand? Because I am not your girlfriend and we don't even know each other.
Her: Also I want to add that
Her: I am caring about what the other guys (I am guessing roommates) thinking and I don't want any misunderstanding

Apparently I was too caring and she thought I wanted her to be my girlfriend. Maybe it was because she was inexperienced, but I am going to look into how I can modulate my behaviour to not evoke any such fantasies in the future women I will meet.

Me: Hey, I would actually be uncomfortable with a friend coming over, this is a thing between you and me and adding a third party would just make things unnecessarily awkward. I understand you being confused about me holding your hand, I just express that I like people through touch, friends, family or more. I am not looking for a relationship right now at all, but me liking you as a person and us progressing things forward doesn't have to do anything to do with that. I also don't need to let the other room mates know what is happening between us, so if you want to come over later I can turn on some music and we can have a bit of a private space to talk undisturbed.


Her: No she come for see me
Her: Absolutely not for our talk
Her: But also I couldn't take any answer so maybe she won't come
Her: I will answering all the other things

Later

Her: Maybe I can come your room any other time but hanging at outside is a better idea for me. I can understand you, you want to be alone and have some special time. But as long as we're at home, I don't think we can be quiet the way I want.

Me: That's funny, cause I do like the loud ones

Her: Sends gif of girl giving a sexy wink

Debriefing
At this point I wasn't sure how to answer the objection of her not wanting to come over, so I just went flirty without acknowledging that it would be a problem to be alone.
She probably also is just rejecting me in a way that is easier for me to handle. But maybe with her saying she doesn't know me and that meeting outside would be better she wants to build more comfort. But as I've said, don't wanna get suckered into some sort of chase.

Her reputation managing already started when we were just flirting in the kitchen, she asked whether I know which room mates were here, which I didn't. I stopped her in the staircase back to our flat as well, as if to kiss her, she objected and said it was too public (night, nobody there), I could have went for it but didn't. And she doesn't want the roommates to know about anything between us, which I personally don't care about at all.

I am torn on the kissing thing outside. On one hand she clearly was waiting for it (turning on weird music on phone, nervously humming), on the other hand this probably made her set up huge walls about coming into my room in fear of getting sexual.
The thing is though, she was more than willing to go there when I asked her earlier in the morning. I just didn't pull her then and there. Maybe that sent her into auto-rejection, or just left her time to think and lose her emotional state.

I would lie if I said that this wasn't disappointing, but I guess failure is the best teacher.
Cheers!

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

This seduction is far from over imo. Girl likes you and wants things to happen. Also she gets to see you over and over again for 6 months.

Making it possible for her opinions about to change and become more positive AKA increase attraction for you

Just focus on these four things:

- having a chill, laid back vibe. Don't act too pushy, needy or desperate

- Don't be scared to flirt but focus more on building comfort and being warm with her

- Display more low key traits in your behaviour and verbals. Her reputation is a big deal. So you have to display that your low key and can keep secrets

- Look for opportunities presented as chill, non sexual reasons to pull her to your room

 

[Will_V]

@Payload yeah, this girl is definitely not rejecting you outright. She's unsure and looking for a way to make things work.

Since her english isn't great, might be a good idea to go off her body language and vibe in-person, and avoid trying to read too much into her texts as you'll easily get the wrong message.

She kissed you and was going to come over, but she's made it clear she's worried about what the other housemates think. She's also flirted with you over text after you made it fairly obvious you want a short term fling. This is objection handling not rejection handling.

It can be tricky with these things depending on how shy she is, but the main thing is to get her comfortable coming over to your room.

- Look for opportunities presented as chill, non sexual reasons to pull her to your room

Exactly. If she's really worried, just pinky promise that there'll be no hanky panky.

Once you're there together, and you're kissing and touching, and she brings up the problem of noise again, it's far easier just to say 'don't worry we'll be super quiet!' and just keep moving gently forward .. whereas you can't do the same over text.

 

[d0ntc4r3]

You got this man. The above advice looks solid. Turn this FR into an LR!

 

[Freakester]

Whatever others have said is spot on.
And act fast.
The more time you waste, the harder it becomes.

One more point I'd like to emphasize.
She is worried about your flatmates finding it out and thinking she is a slut. She's not rejecting you.

In situations like this, I always have a backup plan. Isolated terraces are a great place (and often overlooked), especially during sunset. If don't live in an apartment complex with one, find somewhere near your house. Take her on a date somewhere and then onto the terrace.

"you know I know a place where we can see the most beautiful view. It happens during sunset. Let's go".
Something along those lines work.
She will be starry eyed.

Take her to the terrace a few minutes before sunset. The vibe is so romantic that it is bound to happen almost always.

Replace terrace with any other place you can reasonably isolate her, i.e. that there is no possibility of somebody coming there.

You will get way less resistance than if you do it at your own place.
Also public sex is just exciting because it's risky and adds thrill, giving you another advantage while escalating.

 

[gameboy]

What @Freakster said. Actually I was jsut going to write something similar: Take her for a nightly walk to a place where there are not too many people around. I've fucked girls in parks, on hills, under bridges... it's fun! Though may be harder to pull off if it's your first time.

Alternatively, maybe there is a time where the two of you are alone in the flat? But don't get too hung up on getting her to your room.

 

[Freakester]

Though may be harder to pull off if it's your first time.

I'd disagree with you here. It's actually going to be easier than at his place. Way easier, because nobody is there to judge her.

This is also assuming that OP knows how to escalate. If he has kissed her already, then I think he should be having no trouble.

But I think what your point is @gameboy that it might be scary to OP if he has never escalated in a place like that before. If that's the case, I'd still suggest to go for it. It's fun and even if he fails, he'd learn something for next time.

Carpe Diem.

 

[gameboy]

I'd disagree with you here. It's actually going to be easier than at his place. Way easier, because nobody is there to judge her.

This is also assuming that OP knows how to escalate. If he has kissed her already, then I think he should be having no trouble.

But I think what your point is @gameboy that it might be scary to OP if he has never escalated in a place like that before. If that's the case, I'd still suggest to go for it. It's fun and even if he fails, he'd learn something for next time.

Carpe Diem.

I was referring to the technical aspects, as in actually getting the dick in the pussy in open air not to overcoming possible reistance by the girl, I agree that will be way easier

But hey our ancestors have done it for millions of years, so it's not rocket science either.

 

[Freakester]

I was referring to the technical aspects, as in actually getting the dick in the pussy in open air not to overcoming possible reistance by the girl, I agree that will be way easier

But hey our ancestors have done it for millions of years, so it's not rocket science either.

Oh that's not that hard. Make her bend over and place her hands on a wall or a railing.
Peg her doggystyle. Easiest and most fool proof position in the history of mankind.

Inspired by this song.

 

[gameboy]

I got the idea that she was possibly a virign though? And OP too? At least I think he said he never had a gf.

Not sure how easy or hard it is to get a virgin to go doggy style against a tree, especially if you've never done it before.But I'd say take her for a stroll outside regardless and see where it goes, if only for the experience!

 

[Freakester]

Even better. What a wonderful way to lose it.

OP btw if she is indeed a virgin, make sure she has some sanitary pads or even buy it if you are not sure.

Produce it out of your backpocket like a magician afterwards.

 

[Payload]

Update here.
Thanks for your adivce guys, Freakester and gameboy's replies I actually saw after getting intimate with her, will keep it in mind for further seductions.