Practical tips for guys over 40 (part one)

[POB]

This is a direct segway to this thread by @DoWhatWorks , who got closed by @Chase :

Getting girls as you get older

I'm late 20's and the bulk of my lays have been from online, clubbing and a substantial amount of day game (cold approach) Can feel the change in myself where none of the above particularly interest me as much as they used to. For (30+) guys here how did you transition to still sleep with...

www.skilledseducer.com

Those are things I noticed about myself once I got over that threshold (mainly over 40).
Mind you I started late at seduction (at 32), so my views may not be aligned with yours, especially if you are under 30.
That's perfectly fine.

1) First of all, what will change in yourself after 40?

1a) Physically, if you are active:

- less overall energy
What that means is that you will have to heavily prioritize your activities, learn to say no to a lot of things, and put sleeping above everything else.
Yes, you can stay out late....but it must be planned ahead. You will need a rest day afterwards. Every time I go out to dance, I make sure I have no appointments of any kind the morning after, so I can sleep more and relax my head.

- more recovery time
This is directly linked to the above. Your recovery time will go up one or two notches. Sleep, diet habits and not smoking or drinking too much make a huge difference here! And that goes double if you lift regularly (3-5 days a week). Your body will punish you harder and harder every time you move away from a healthy routine.

- injuries
You will get injured...period. So learn how to work around those. Our bodies were not made to go over 35, so every year after that is already extra time. Just accept that reality and proceed accordingly.

- attractiveness
The best phase for a man, by far. As long as you take good care of yourself, and strive to look like this, and not like this, you will be fine. There's something intangible in men that age that makes women go nuts! If you keep your looks decent, and don't let yourself go, you are in for a treat. All their age ranges will want you, from 18 all the way up to mid 50s. It's fun.

- to dye or go gray?
I dye my beard. It's the only thing, along with my eyebrows, that is going gray. So I paint those. If you are going after younger women (<28), staying gray will probably make your pool smaller. Today it's easy to dye your shit at home using a simple gel. Takes about 25-30 minutes, and you must do it every fifteen days or so (or after you trim your hair/beard). Not that hard. I only recommend going to a salon for your first time, to get the color right.

- muscles
I'm a fairly muscular guy. Currently I'm 207 lbs (94kg) for a height of 6'1" (1,86m). I'm super lean now, but still muscular. This is more than enough for me....even so, it's still a little bit over what some women would consider ok (some women prefer slender dudes). There was a time when I wanted to be huge, and went above the 220s. It made absolutely no difference in my results with the opposite sex. Women like some muscle, and some definition. Being a giant gorilla, or the eight pack king, will only get you more attention from other men. Also remember: being too big or too ripped is taxing on your body! As you get older, your joints, ligaments and digestive tract are not the same. They age too! So putting unnecessary stress on those things will only make your health worse long term.

- cumulative effect from younger years
You will pay the price - or reap the benefits - of what you did in your 20s and early 30s.
I used to be a heavy drinker in my 20s. When I was 35-36, I got diagnosed with a fat liver - mainly because of that abuse in my younger time.
Mind you I stopped drinking at 28! So it took my body eight years to show the effects of that abuse.
If you wanna become a hero at your 40s (and beyond), then start early to take care of yourself.

1b) Mentally, if you are active:

- mental focus
You will be sharper than ever...but only if you stay engaged with what you are doing. This is the prime time to go after what you really want, be it women, money, biz, travels, etc. Also your ability to avoid wasting time with other people's bullshit will be at its peak!

- resilience
I'm amazed at how much crap I can take now without being phazed. I just don't give a shit anymore about things that I don't consider important. Sadly, this only comes with time, and from being under pressure over and over again. Pressure makes diamonds, although nobody can teach you that.

- live game
As long as you stay in the range I showed in the attractiveness section, your presence will be felt. Honestly, you won't care much about fuck-ups the same way you did when you were younger...you will just shrug and learn from them. I am amazed at how sharp I am now with new women when I meet them for the first time. And I have to say less and less stuff to make them interested. What I see is that, as you get older, you are able to trim the fat, and only leave in your plate what really works.

- text game
Becomes easier, but only if you keep practicing. Young women will behave differently on IMs if they know you are over 40. Still can't put my finger on why this happens, but I feel a difference. They will be more receptive to dates too - as long as you can prove you are a safe guy.

That's it for now gents.
Comments are more than welcome.
(In part two I will discuss the social aspects of being an over 40 seducer)

 

[Lover]

It's inspiring to read for guys under 40 as well. Thank you. Looking forward to part two

 

[TestY]

Good stuff. Good to keep in mind and be aware of what one can expect.

On the note of resilience, I'd think that one could hone it deliberately using the approach of early 1900s manliness - poise - in addition to accumulating experience. But there could be different takes on that.

 

[POB]

It's inspiring to read for guys under 40 as well. Thank you. Looking forward to part two

Thx for the kind words
I wish I had something like this when I was in my 30s

 

[POB]

Good stuff. Good to keep in mind and be aware of what one can expect.

Thx

On the note of resilience, I'd think that one could hone it deliberately using the approach of early 1900s manliness - poise - in addition to accumulating experience. But there could be different takes on that.

For sure!
But the main thing IME is to put yourself out there and:
- fuck-up,
- understand why you fucked up,
- learn and improve,
- rinse and repeat until you succeed.
Like I said, it takes time.

 

[DonGately]

Yes. Drinking far less, putting yourself out there, not caring if you fk up a pickup, and iterating until you find what works.

Personally, I don't dye my hair. Girls seem to love the salt n pepper. Maybe I'd feel diff if completely gray.

I need much more recovery time than in my 30s. I don't schedule b2b nights out for game anymore.

 

[gameboy]

That's a great list for sure! Thanks @POB!

Just one minor thing: I don't think dying your hair is strictly necessary. I have a friend in his forties who is completely gray, and he is dating a cute girl in her early twenties. I think they've been together for a year or so already.

If age is attractive in men, then so is gray

 

[POB]

Personally, I don't dye my hair. Girls seem to love the salt n pepper. Maybe I'd feel diff if completely gray.

Just one minor thing: I don't think dying your hair is strictly necessary. I have a friend in his forties who is completely gray, and he is dating a cute girl in her early twenties. I think they've been together for a year or so already.

If age is attractive in men, then so is gray

This is a topic on itself!
My experience is that younger women, in general, prefer without too much gray...or any gray at all.
But maybe things are shifting in the other direction, who knows.
My guess is this is very individual, and depends heavily on the man and his style (location too).

 

[POB]

I need much more recovery time than in my 30s. I don't schedule b2b nights out for game anymore.

Me neither.
One night out and I need the next day to recover!

 

[StrayDog]

Awesome post @POB

Take care of your self and keep on keeping on. Nothing to it but to do it

Would love to add a few notes

-Skin care routine is important as well. Keeps you're skin glowing and vibrant. Helps you to age with grace

-POB touched on this, but diet is huge. The better you eat the better you feel. The older you get the more your diet shows on your face.

-As you age, learn restorative practices that unwind stress and tension and allow you to be at ease in your body. Ageing gracefully is less about appearance (though appearance counts for something) and more about how you hold your self.

-As you age, develope your presence. As long as you keep your mind sharp, strive to keep your feet on the ground, and let go of all the silly bullshit that held you back in your youth, this is a fundamental that only strengthens and deepens with age. You will be able to stand in front of her with a self assuredness. A sort of unflappable demeanor that silently speaks of the experience of a life well lived. It is deeply seductive.

-The more you draw from your experience and wisdom, the easier it is to reality pace. To draw women into your sense of reality. Because you have suffered the slings and arrows that come with a life of striving, and persisted in the face of it all, you will have a perspective on life that she longs to draw near to. Granted you have developed a succinct manner of bringing her into it.

-Your experience in the field will have you greater prepared for the challenges that come with it. You will have seen so many scenarios, and have so many reference points that things that once caught you off guard will begin to feel common place.

-Old man game is a bit like handsome guy game, in that less is more. If you are older and obviously trying too hard it comes across as a red flag to women( "like he should know better by now"). Learn to trim the fat off of your game and come across as low key and refined.

-You will be less suited towards some environments, not that you won't be able to game those environments, but how you game them changes. I have far greater success at Target these days than I do the shopping mall. It just makes a little more sense for an old dude to be picking up women there.

Any way I am just on the cusp of "Old" so still a lot of experience to be had in this regard.

Cheers to the old foggies, and all of the hunnies that love em

 

[DonGately]

This is a topic on itself!
My experience is that younger women, in general, prefer without too much gray...or any gray at all.
But maybe things are shifting in the other direction, who knows.
My guess is this is very individual, and depends heavily on the man and his style (location too).

Yes, I think that it concurs with my style of being a very well-dressed, dominant, successful businessman. But for all I know the women just don't care about our hair color.

 

[Derek da man]

I didn't get into dating many women until I was in my 40's. As a geeky mid 20's virgin I manage to date a girl and married her, had family then got divorced and then wondered then what so I can't really make much comment about picking girls up in my 20's but I've noticed all these traits in my 40's and now 50's and things still keep improving.

Honestly, you won't care much about fuck-ups the same way you did when you were younger...you will just shrug and learn from them. I am amazed at how sharp I am now with new women when I meet them for the first time. And I have to say less and less stuff to make them interested. What I see is that, as you get older, you are able to trim the fat, and only leave in your plate what really works.

-As you age, develope your presence. As long as you keep your mind sharp, strive to keep your feet on the ground, and let go of all the silly bullshit that held you back in your youth, this is a fundamental that only strengthens and deepens with age. You will be able to stand in front of her with a self assuredness. A sort of unflappable demeanor that silently speaks of the experience of a life well lived. It is deeply seductive.

-The more you draw from your experience and wisdom, the easier it is to reality pace. To draw women into your sense of reality. Because you have suffered the slings and arrows that come with a life of striving, and persisted in the face of it all, you will have a perspective on life that she longs to draw near to. Granted you have developed a succinct manner of bringing her into it.

-Your experience in the field will have you greater prepared for the challenges that come with it. You will have seen so many scenarios, and have so many reference points that things that once caught you off guard will begin to feel common place.

Women are highly sensitive and usually reflect what you give them. If you play the game with quick wit and clever lines she will do similar but this ultimately becomes hard work to maintain. With experience you cut through the crap, therefore doing less, and focus on what's important, the emotional connection, which is what women really enjoy. As it's based around connections you get this less is more effect, less of the crap gives them more connection and more tome to enjoy it, that's what really works for them.

On a side note I'm going grey gracefully and it doesn't seem to be affecting my outcomes too much.

 

[POB]

Awesome post @POB

Thx!

-Skin care routine is important as well. Keeps you're skin glowing and vibrant. Helps you to age with grace

It's super important!
My skin care routine is about 5 products on different hours of the day
That helps keeping your skin young, specially your face

-As you age, learn restorative practices that unwind stress and tension and allow you to be at ease in your body. Ageing gracefully is less about appearance (though appearance counts for something) and more about how you hold your self.

-As you age, develop your presence. As long as you keep your mind sharp, strive to keep your feet on the ground, and let go of all the silly bullshit that held you back in your youth, this is a fundamental that only strengthens and deepens with age. You will be able to stand in front of her with a self assuredness. A sort of unflappable demeanor that silently speaks of the experience of a life well lived. It is deeply seductive.

-The more you draw from your experience and wisdom, the easier it is to reality pace. To draw women into your sense of reality. Because you have suffered the slings and arrows that come with a life of striving, and persisted in the face of it all, you will have a perspective on life that she longs to draw near to. Granted you have developed a succinct manner of bringing her into it.

-Your experience in the field will have you greater prepared for the challenges that come with it. You will have seen so many scenarios, and have so many reference points that things that once caught you off guard will begin to feel common place.

-You will be less suited towards some environments, not that you won't be able to game those environments, but how you game them changes. I have far greater success at Target these days than I do the shopping mall. It just makes a little more sense for an old dude to be picking up women there.

Agree with everything.
Awesome points @StrayDog

-Old man game is a bit like handsome guy game, in that less is more. If you are older and obviously trying too hard it comes across as a red flag to women( "like he should know better by now"). Learn to trim the fat off of your game and come across as low key and refined.

This is super important.
The more chill you are (without being aloof), the more your gravitas will grow

 

[StrayDog]

This is super important.
The more chill you are (without being aloof), the more your gravitas will grow

Not sure if this is strictly an age thing but I do believe that older men learn to wear it rather well. For me this quality definitely didn't reach the depth I have been seeing recently, until I put a lot of time in the game.

Its this perfect balance between genuine interest, and not being too invested in the whole endeavor (while still being in it to win it).

It's as though experience has afforded me this ability to not need to impress, or or stress too much about making this move or that move.

Part of is it is that the moves are kind of just programmed in (I do have my blind spots still) so they come more automatic. This allows me to just focus on the experience I am creating with her. Then when it comes time to move you just kind of make the move and go from there. Even if there is hesitation on her part, it just kind of rolls off your back. Rather than over gaming.

Been here so many times before, no stress. Sure we could fuck, but it's not like we need to.

It's incredible how disarming this quality can be. You can often see it on her face. She is like "oh here's some random dude talking to me throw defensive up" and then immediately once you speak she shifts into "oh this guys chill" then as you move things forward she's like "wait this is actually pretty intriguing"

One last note on this quality is that I think it is linked to a genuine inquiry into her character. This is conveyed through refined open ended questions, and between the lines communication.

Because of experience and age, I am (again) far less invested in impressing myself upon her, and instead far more interested in drawing her deeper self out. Desires and all.

Because of my refined abilities, this is done in a chill manner. Because, after all, it is me who is offering her the opportunity to express parts of herself she doesn't often get the opportunity to.

There is really no need to be cold or aloof (like my younger self would have done when I felt I was losing frame). Withdrawing (if necessary) can be done with ease and even a sort of warmth to it. Almost like a warm flame slowly receding. So instead of feeling like you snuffed the whole thing with aloofness, she begins to work to reignite the glow of it all as she is watching it fade.

 

[Alpha13SC]

@POB mind sharing your skin routine?
Also, it is dependent on the weather?

 

[Warped Mindless]

GREAT post!

Just to add some stuff my older buddies do:

1) TRT. They ALL swear by this.

2) Hair replacement. If you dont look good bald.

3) A bit more extreme but if you are willing to have cosmetic procedures such as lasers, fillers, etc, you can shave years off your looks. Some of my buddies have gone this route and none of them seem to regret it.

 

[POB]

@POB mind sharing your skin routine?

Morning (shower):
- astringent soap
- facial cleansing gel

Morning (after shower)
- facial sunblocker
- body sunblocker (arms, neck)
- body moisturizer

Evening:
- astringent soap
- facial cleansing gel
- exfoliating gel anywhere where there is ingrown hair or blackhead skin
- sometimes I use a cream made of benzalkonium chloride, zinc oxide and camphor to alleviate scars and bruises

Also, it is dependent on the weather?

Not much, but in the summer your skin tends to be more oily, so you'll probably need to wash it more

 

[SexualHero]

I have some buddies swear by tretinoin or high dosages of retinol creams, lotions etc. Google seems to back this up. Almost as effective as laser treatments ? Does anybody here have some experience with it ? I am trying myself, but haven't really tried it long enough to make a judgement

 

[POB]

I have some buddies swear by tretinoin or high dosages of retinol creams, lotions etc. Google seems to back this up. Almost as effective as laser treatments ? Does anybody here have some experience with it ? I am trying myself, but haven't really tried it long enough to make a judgement

Tretinoin is way more powerful than retinol, even in small concentrations.
Retinol is mostly harmless, but tretinoin, especially in higher doses, can severely fuck-up your skin.
I would treat it as a medium drug, and use it only after getting a prescription from a good dermatologist.
They could get you started by using the right concentration for your individual skin type.

 

[Gsi2810]

I'm 33 and my beard is going gray real fast. Thankfully got my hair still. @POB - what beard dye you recommend? Just for men is the most advertised and popular one but surely in the market for the best.