Am I too perfectionist

[David Adams]

Hey, this is my first post here. I have been noticing something weird about myself recently...

Back in 2017 I decided to tackle a different personality than my own one in order to gain more reference points faster. I was in school and took on being an BMOC (I'm originally a slowburn. Yes that's from Hector's college game series).

I got results but one problem arose from that. In 2019, I was hella depressed and long story short (that's a VERY LONG STORY) I couldn't keep it up anymore and got depressed to the point of contemplating suicide.

I literally prayed for an angel and my gorgeous ex-girlfriend from high school (I discovered girlschase just because I wanted to know how to get her and succeeded but failed to lack of experience) returned and she noticed how I'd changed over the years and pointed out all my flaws and how I had made myself unattractive to her kind of girls.

Weird but she was rebooting me back to my default style so I could be the kind of guy who is attractive and a good fit to girls like her (she is definitely my type). She is gorgeous and has the PERFECT personality to suit my needs.

That thing we had died out after eight months because I felt like I didn't want to get attached to her without learning to get girls like her properly so that if anything gone wrong I would be able to replicate that success again. Otherwise I would have married her and had children (but I knew I needed absolute abundance for that and I didn't have it so I would become needy over time)

One thing happened from that experience. I dated normal girls again after that and after the third relationship and a few hook-ups later, I don't want any girls who are not top quality AT ALL. They dont fulfill my needs and my depression is coming back again (the gorgeous GF made it go away swiftly and got me on my mission and me see life more clearly than ever).

Just like with alcohol and weed, everytime i would have a quick hook up with a regular girl, I would feel like shit the next day and it would also feel EXTREMELY EMPTY. I hate nightlife and i live in a suburb far from the city. Also, this is South Africa so the income here is one tenth of what it is in the US (Im talking about the US). But that's a problem for another thread.

What I want to know is if this is normal. Not being satisfied with having a low paying job and medium quality girlfriend or even hook ups with the fun party girls. I just want a high quality girlfriend (not as high as Chase but still WAY higher than 99 percent of the guys I have seen around me in the entire town) and I want to make money with my passion no matter if the pay is not going to make me rich as long as it doesn't involve me selling myself to a boss and not being in charge of what i do on my own terms.

Does it sound sane at all, or rather is it acceptable to go for this path in life?

 

[Lover]

Welcome to the boards @David Adams

Are you approaching girls you consider high quality? That may solve the emptiness you feel from sleeping with girls you consider medium quality

Never been to South Africa and can't speak on that part. Are the girls you consider high quality in the suburbs or in the city? Any walls to overcome to meet those high quality girls?

 

[David Adams]

Welcome to the boards @David Adams

Are you approaching girls you consider high quality? That may solve the emptiness you feel from sleeping with girls you consider medium quality

Never been to South Africa and can't speak on that part. Are the girls you consider high quality in the suburbs or in the city? Any walls to overcome to meet those high quality girls?

Well the girls in the city and the girls in the suburbs are from two different worlds honestly..

In the suburbs i just find girls that are either not attractive to my tastes or not hot enough at all. But when im in the city then suddenly im seeing really hot girls and girls who are average there are considered to be Kardashians in my hometown.

So basically the only part i have to do is get a way to be the4e constantly but believe me its a real uphill battle.

Things here cost the same as they do in the US but our minimum wage for the week is the minimum for a day in the US.

But other than that im fine getting the girls if they are hot enough like in the city.. just getting close to them is the issue.. night game is almost impossible because of transport and where I live.

Like how do I get the girl if i can't even get to the venue and know for certain that i have a safe way back home lol

 

[Lover]

Well the girls in the city and the girls in the suburbs are from two different worlds honestly..

In the suburbs i just find girls that are either not attractive to my tastes or not hot enough at all. But when im in the city then suddenly im seeing really hot girls and girls who are average there are considered to be Kardashians in my hometown.

So basically the only part i have to do is get a way to be the4e constantly but believe me its a real uphill battle.

Things here cost the same as they do in the US but our minimum wage for the week is the minimum for a day in the US.

But other than that im fine getting the girls if they are hot enough like in the city.. just getting close to them is the issue.. night game is almost impossible because of transport and where I live.

Like how do I get the girl if i can't even get to the venue and know for certain that i have a safe way back home lol

Okay, lots of things going on.

If I was going through the same thing as you, I would sit down, take my time and really figure out what my current priorities are. If exposing yourself more to girls you like is a high priority, you need to find out what you must do to do that.

How can you earn and/or save more money?

Do you need to relocate to the city? Or are alright with visiting from time to time?

How can you make it safely to a venue right now and back home? Or rather, how can you increase the odds of staying safe?

These are some of the questions you should think thoroughly about when you answer them. But you know your possibilities and obstacles better and may need to adjust the questions to your circumstances

What I want to know is if this is normal. Not being satisfied with having a low paying job and medium quality girlfriend or even hook ups with the fun party girls. I just want a high quality girlfriend (not as high as Chase but still WAY higher than 99 percent of the guys I have seen around me in the entire town) and I want to make money with my passion no matter if the pay is not going to make me rich as long as it doesn't involve me selling myself to a boss and not being in charge of what i do on my own terms.

Does it sound sane at all, or rather is it acceptable to go for this path in life?

You asked this in your first post.

No one tells you what is acceptable but you. It's your life. Live it as well as you can.

I will say this though: you are clearly unsatisfied with your current circumstances because you KNOW you can do better. It's not enough to settle with less. It's obvious you are hungry for more

Don't settle. It's good you have standards. But figure out how you can make it work for you.

 

[Dash of Englishness]

Hey, this is my first post here. I have been noticing something weird about myself recently...

Back in 2017 I decided to tackle a different personality than my own one in order to gain more reference points faster. I was in school and took on being an BMOC (I'm originally a slowburn. Yes that's from Hector's college game series).

I got results but one problem arose from that. In 2019, I was hella depressed and long story short (that's a VERY LONG STORY) I couldn't keep it up anymore and got depressed to the point of contemplating suicide.

I literally prayed for an angel and my gorgeous ex-girlfriend from high school (I discovered girlschase just because I wanted to know how to get her and succeeded but failed to lack of experience) returned and she noticed how I'd changed over the years and pointed out all my flaws and how I had made myself unattractive to her kind of girls.

Weird but she was rebooting me back to my default style so I could be the kind of guy who is attractive and a good fit to girls like her (she is definitely my type). She is gorgeous and has the PERFECT personality to suit my needs.

That thing we had died out after eight months because I felt like I didn't want to get attached to her without learning to get girls like her properly so that if anything gone wrong I would be able to replicate that success again. Otherwise I would have married her and had children (but I knew I needed absolute abundance for that and I didn't have it so I would become needy over time)

One thing happened from that experience. I dated normal girls again after that and after the third relationship and a few hook-ups later, I don't want any girls who are not top quality AT ALL. They dont fulfill my needs and my depression is coming back again (the gorgeous GF made it go away swiftly and got me on my mission and me see life more clearly than ever).

Just like with alcohol and weed, everytime i would have a quick hook up with a regular girl, I would feel like shit the next day and it would also feel EXTREMELY EMPTY. I hate nightlife and i live in a suburb far from the city. Also, this is South Africa so the income here is one tenth of what it is in the US (Im talking about the US). But that's a problem for another thread.

What I want to know is if this is normal. Not being satisfied with having a low paying job and medium quality girlfriend or even hook ups with the fun party girls. I just want a high quality girlfriend (not as high as Chase but still WAY higher than 99 percent of the guys I have seen around me in the entire town) and I want to make money with my passion no matter if the pay is not going to make me rich as long as it doesn't involve me selling myself to a boss and not being in charge of what i do on my own terms.

Does it sound sane at all, or rather is it acceptable to go for this path in life?

Well given that you're a perfectionist, I'll inform you that your title should have been "Am I too much of a perfectionist?"

 

[David Adams]

Well given that you're a perfectionist, I'll inform you that your title should have been "Am I too much of a perfectionist?"

Lol okay you got me there. I am not really THAT much of a perfectionist. I just wanted to get the point across.

 

[David Adams]

Okay, lots of things going on.

If I was going through the same thing as you, I would sit down, take my time and really figure out what my current priorities are. If exposing yourself more to girls you like is a high priority, you need to find out what you must do to do that.

How can you earn and/or save more money?

Do you need to relocate to the city? Or are alright with visiting from time to time?

How can you make it safely to a venue right now and back home? Or rather, how can you increase the odds of staying safe?

These are some of the questions you should think thoroughly about when you answer them. But you know your possibilities and obstacles better and may need to adjust the questions to your circumstances


You asked this in your first post.

No one tells you what is acceptable but you. It's your life. Live it as well as you can.

I will say this though: you are clearly unsatisfied with your current circumstances because you KNOW you can do better. It's not enough to settle with less. It's obvious you are hungry for more

Don't settle. It's good you have standards. But figure out how you can make it work for you.

So I was reading this book by Troy Francis on embodying the dark triad (tetrad in the book because he added sadism into the mix) and in a certain chapter on Radical Differentiation, he basically says the same thing that you just did.

Also, I find that complaining about it won't solve my problems but it got me some answers. I was meditating for about 2 months (not non-stop, mind you) and I'm still in the process of finding myself. I stopped with music and I am focusing on being a writer.

I have been doing more approaches, though it is going real slow and I haven't been in the city in months. Too much work. The boss wants me to work 6 days a week on a general labour job that sucks the life out of me. But I need money to maintain myself.

So I have not been seeing any city girls, really. I saw one girl who really just piqued my interest and she was gone so fast I couldn't even run after her. Out of the nearly thousand people I saw in the area, only one.

But yeah I have come across a few answers from my side too. For instance, I don't think that my city is the problem. I just think it is my country in general so if I move, I could move to the city first and be there for a while before leaving the country totally. Or I could just save up to move to America (I don't really like Europe and Mexico seems a bit suspect to me although I will definitely find my kind of Latina girls there.

It would be a big benefit to all of my problems. That should be my big mission so I will have to tough it out here first before considering moving abroad. But big thanks for the help. I am at least seeing progress now. I have let go of many of my friends and they were toxic so that was a big deal to me.

I WOULD LOVE IT IF CHASE COULD PERHAPS WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT TOXIC FRIENDS AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LIFE IN GENERAL.

So thanks again. I really appreciate the insights. I'm currently taking a break from reading GC articles because when I do that then I end up just reading and not acting. And I have been reading since 2016 so those messages are drilled into my head by now. Progress is the best medicine.

 

[orkie123]

To add what Lover said about priorities, I get the feeling that girls aren't your priority right now.

Even if you meet and hook up with perfect girls that you would be happy to marry, you don't feel yourself ready in other aspects of life.

You feel empty after hooking up because it feels like you are using it to procrastinate on what is probably your more important goal - to improve your financial situation.

 

[David Adams]

Okay well you can have a point there. And I do actually feel really empty about hookups. I don't know what feeling other guys get from hooking up but if I smash a girl just for the sake of smashing then it doesn't really make me feel great. Probably just for an hour or two. But when I had a great girlfriend, it was like everything had just fallen into place. My emotions were handled and my motivation to do things was there because I knew I had this great girlfriend and all I wanted to do was show that I could make as much value in life as she does. But my mind is plagued right now. Yesterday I went to the city (awesome trip) and I was just seeing hot girls everywhere I looked. It was like I had stepped into a new world. I'm not used to that. All the girls I usually see are just mildly attractive. And my job is basically me being surrounded by dark skinned girls when I'm really just into lightskinned girls. So I have a major problem here. Girls are getting attracted somewhat but at some point in the middle I always kill the attraction. Plus I'm not meeting as many girls as I feel I should. Only like 10 new girls a week that are mildly attractive. So I have some problems that I actually only realised now that I'm putting it on paper (my monitor is made of paper).

Firstly, I need a better job!!! Lol oh man that is a huge setback. So a good plan would be to print resumes and also to try making money online with a side-hustle. Then, of course I have to get to the city and take them to as many places as I can. That will solve the problem of me not being in the city and also the problem of seeing the same old girls from the suburbs all the time. I can be in that new world I discovered every day of the week and have enough money to be there on weekends too. Would be better to move there but it's expensive so there again, the new job. Also, I want to trawl online to see where the most efficient side hustles are. Something that will boost me in the near future. It would make things much easier. It's a quality problem, really. I'm not in the right location to be seeing and meeting the girls that I like and want. So like you said it, it actually makes sense. Of course, just like with approach anxiety, I could talking the talk and not walking the walk. But I will make it my duty to set this plan in action. Does it sound like a good plan or do you perhaps know a more efficient way? Is the economy perhaps less corrupt than my one is and are people actually able to live a decent life on minimum wage? Or do you just work really hard (doing a course or something)? Maybe I can learn something.

 

[orkie123]

Okay well you can have a point there. And I do actually feel really empty about hookups. I don't know what feeling other guys get from hooking up but if I smash a girl just for the sake of smashing then it doesn't really make me feel great. Probably just for an hour or two. But when I had a great girlfriend, it was like everything had just fallen into place. My emotions were handled and my motivation to do things was there because I knew I had this great girlfriend and all I wanted to do was show that I could make as much value in life as she does. But my mind is plagued right now. Yesterday I went to the city (awesome trip) and I was just seeing hot girls everywhere I looked. It was like I had stepped into a new world. I'm not used to that. All the girls I usually see are just mildly attractive. And my job is basically me being surrounded by dark skinned girls when I'm really just into lightskinned girls. So I have a major problem here. Girls are getting attracted somewhat but at some point in the middle I always kill the attraction. Plus I'm not meeting as many girls as I feel I should. Only like 10 new girls a week that are mildly attractive. So I have some problems that I actually only realised now that I'm putting it on paper (my monitor is made of paper).

Firstly, I need a better job!!! Lol oh man that is a huge setback. So a good plan would be to print resumes and also to try making money online with a side-hustle. Then, of course I have to get to the city and take them to as many places as I can. That will solve the problem of me not being in the city and also the problem of seeing the same old girls from the suburbs all the time. I can be in that new world I discovered every day of the week and have enough money to be there on weekends too. Would be better to move there but it's expensive so there again, the new job. Also, I want to trawl online to see where the most efficient side hustles are. Something that will boost me in the near future. It would make things much easier. It's a quality problem, really. I'm not in the right location to be seeing and meeting the girls that I like and want. So like you said it, it actually makes sense. Of course, just like with approach anxiety, I could talking the talk and not walking the walk. But I will make it my duty to set this plan in action. Does it sound like a good plan or do you perhaps know a more efficient way? Is the economy perhaps less corrupt than my one is and are people actually able to live a decent life on minimum wage? Or do you just work really hard (doing a course or something)? Maybe I can learn something.

I think a lot of people feel low after hooking up with someone for a 1ns/short fling. Its not always the quality of the girl. Personally I go from a euphoric high to normality no matter who it is. That decrease in emotions feels like a low but actually its just going back to chill state.
I wouldnt worry about it.

The important thing is knowing what you want and going for it. There is nothing wrong with minimum type jobs, but it has limitations in life. Its up to you to decide what you want your life to look like.

I may be wrong, but I get the vibe that you will eventually want to settle down with a girl you like. It also doesnt seem you are a total beginner in seduction. So in your case, I would prioritise at least 6 - 12 months to improving your financial situation. How you do that depends on your preferences, skills and location but demand for IT/programming skills wont be dying any time soon and tends to pay decent.

That doesnt mean you stop meeting girls, but that you don't put yourself down if results slow down a little. Its normal if that happens because you are spending more time on another area of your life.

I think once you have a little more financials, you will find everything else becomes easier too. Not because girls will care so much, but because you yourself will feel better.

 

[David Adams]

I think a lot of people feel low after hooking up with someone for a 1ns/short fling. Its not always the quality of the girl. Personally I go from a euphoric high to normality no matter who it is. That decrease in emotions feels like a low but actually its just going back to chill state.
I wouldnt worry about it.

The important thing is knowing what you want and going for it. There is nothing wrong with minimum type jobs, but it has limitations in life. Its up to you to decide what you want your life to look like.

I may be wrong, but I get the vibe that you will eventually want to settle down with a girl you like. It also doesnt seem you are a total beginner in seduction. So in your case, I would prioritise at least 6 - 12 months to improving your financial situation. How you do that depends on your preferences, skills and location but demand for IT/programming skills wont be dying any time soon and tends to pay decent.

That doesnt mean you stop meeting girls, but that you don't put yourself down if results slow down a little. Its normal if that happens because you are spending more time on another area of your life.

I think once you have a little more financials, you will find everything else becomes easier too. Not because girls will care so much, but because you yourself will feel better.

My man, you just hit the spot right there. You just hit the G-Spot and the Deep Spot and the R-Spot altogether. I actually am not that bad with girls and today I was on an approaching marathon with one of my buddies who does well with approaching but sucks in the middle. I helped him out a bit and together we were seeing a bit of results. I did what I went out to do for the day, not applying too much pressure on myself. It's the first time I have approached like that in a LONG while and I have a headache now lol. But everything you said makes perfect sense. I actually did a course in 2019 for IT Tech Support but failed due to lack of discipline and also being financially prepared for it. If I had passed, I would not have this problem but no use in hating on the past, you know.

So I feel like what you are saying is true and I am actually thankful to have gotten this support on the forums. Yes, I am indeed intending to hook-up with girls until I find one who is good for cuffing. Just gotta get that money problem sorted. And I can't rush it and expect it to happen overnight. Thanks a lot, man. You are a true help.

xoxo.777